Serendipitous (Gawsten)

44. Soothe

Geoff was desperately searching for some sort of validation in Awsten's expression as he covered his mouth with his hand as his sobs were falling rapidly out of his mouth.

"O-Oh my g-god. I-I'm gay." He was absolutely hysterical, Awsten didn't know what to do except keep some sort of skin contact and constantly reassure him that everything was going to be okay, it was okay. "I-I'm... fuck."

"I know you are," Awsten had returned his hand back to its original position on Geoff's thigh, the other hand holding tightly onto Geoff's larger one, the one that he didn't have clasped over his mouth. "I'm so, so proud of you, Geoff. So proud."

"Y-You h-hate me." Awsten let go of Geoff's hand to wipe away the tears that were falling down the older boy's cheeks, he could barely wipe them away as they fell, so quickly. "I d-don't want y-you to hate m-me but you d-do."

Awsten quickly shook his head. "I don't hate you, I promise. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not mad about the whole thing with Chloe but I don't hate you." Awsten rested his hand on Geoff's cheek as his tears ran over the younger boy's fingers and under the palm of his hand, they both just needed skin contact right now. "It's going to be okay. I don't hate you, I promise."

To say that Awsten was struggling to calm Geoff down was an understatement, the older boy was now hyperventilating. "Oh. My. G-God. You should h-hate me. I want y-you to hate me, I deserve it. I d-deserve it, it would make me feel b-better. I deserve it." Geoff bit down on his bottom lip again to try to maintain his sobs but he only ended up opening the very fresh cut on his lip again.

"Geoff," Awsten moved both of his hands to support the sides of Geoff's head, forcing him to look at the blonde boy. "Geoff, I need you to calm down, okay? It's going to be okay. Just breathe with me, yeah?" He was glad to see some sort of positive response from Geoff, even though it was just a small nod. "Okay. Breathe in. One... two... three... four." Awsten emphasised his breaths so that the older boy would be able to physically see Awsten's chest rising and falling in time. "-And back out. Five... Six... Seven... Eight... Nine... Ten. You're doing so well. Let's do it again, okay?"

Geoff was barely keeping time with Awsten's breathing as his respirations were coming out unsteadily and shakily, Awsten didn't mind though, it was clear that he was trying to mimic the younger boy and that's all that mattered. Awsten kept a steady rhythm as he counted for Geoff's breaths, reassuring the older boy with the steady eye-contact that they were holding.

Awsten stopped and let Geoff take over in his head when he'd noticed that the older boy's tears had stopped falling and his breathing pattern had returned -somewhat- to normal. "Are you feeling better, now?" Awsten brushed his thumbs over Geoff's cheekbones to wipe away any tears that still stained his cheeks, all he wanted to do was care for Geoff right now.

"Mm," Geoff grunted in response, slightly nodding his head to signal 'yes'. For two reasonably shy people, Geoff and Awsten were having a lot of trouble breaking eye-contact, it wasn't uncomfortable, it was quite soothing, actually.

Awsten smiled a little, "I'm glad." He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at the spot of blood again from the reopened cut on Geoff's lower lip. "Hey- you're bleeding again." Awsten dabbed at the blood with his thumb again before wiping it on his jeans, there wasn't any more blood on Geoff's chin from all of the crying he'd just done, washed away by tears and saliva.

"I'm such a dick to you," Geoff whispered awfully quiet, Awsten could hear the genuine guilt in his voice. "All because I couldn't tell you- the gay boy that I was hooking up with, that I had feelings for him." He sighed, flicking his eyes down to his hands in his lap, Awsten was still touching his face. "I'm so sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me, ever. I'm so sorry."

Awsten shifted himself so that he could be sitting closer to Geoff, it was extremely awkward while sitting in a car and the pain in awsten's back that still was controlling him. He pulled Geoff's chin down slightly with his finger as he brought his own lips only a few inches away from the older boy's. "Do you have feelings for me, Geoff?" Awsten hushed, he could taste the air that Geoff was breathing out. "Hmm?" He ran his hand from the older boy's chin to his neck, his other hand pushing the hair off of Geoff's forehead that was stuck there with sweat.

"Mmhmm," he nodded his head needily. "Fuck, Awsten. Yes. You're so fucking hot. Yes." Geoff's breath got caught in his throat as he felt Awsten start to brush his thumb over his lip again, furrowing his eyebrows. "D-Did my cut open again?"

Awsten giggled a little bit and shook his head. "No, your lips are just so soft." Awsten stared at where his thumb was sitting for a long time before staring up into Geoff's icy-blue eyes again, holding a soft gaze. There was just something about having his eyes stared into that always made Awsten want to collapse.

Awsten didn't think that Geoff was lying this time. He could just hear how genuine it was when the older boy had admitted to being gay, not even bisexual, gay. He couldn't tell whether he would regret this later or not but that was later and this was now.

Awsten knew what he wanted, he was very stubborn.