The adrenaline had its ways of maintaining the focus of his mind and distracting the worry to background noise, the type of noise that was nothing more than slightly annoying but tolerable, static.
Static that was diligent enough to be telling him that he had to go, but not enough to be completely absorbing all of his energy and logical thoughts, such as the fact that he needed to go back down to the basement to get keys to his car and phone in case something went wrong when he finally got there. He didn't want to expect the worst, but the preparation was rarely a disadvantage to these situations.
He found the pale yellow post-it note that had been stuck to the wood of his bedside table next to one of his candles, the one with Awsten's handwriting scrawled on it, confused, almost, by what Awsten meant by 'everything', but directing the streamlines of possibilities to a focal point which he was able to dissect from probability.
He couldn't act clueless, forever. He knew that he should have just said it back, whether he had been caught off guard or not, because maybe Awsten would have stayed and not be in a potentially dangerous, fatal, situation.
He needed to leave. He could tell by the look in her eye that she wanted to stop him when he came rushing back up the staircase but maybe by the look in his, the mixture of determination and fear and hope, was the reason that she didn't.
His fingers were tingling, splintering with anticipation as his knuckles turned white from his grip on the steering wheel as he sped down the freeway, not enough to be overly dangerous but enough to make himself feel like he was making a difference in how fast he could reach his boyfriend, regardless of whether he was still being caught at the same red lights anyway. He didn't care. He needed to get to his boy.
It dragged on. His focus should have been concentrated on his driving but all he could think about was him, about his hands and his lips and his fucking smile - and his safety, of course, because he couldn't lose him. He was overreacting, he knew that he was, but it didn't matter. They could run away and hide forever, this time.
The driveway was empty when Geoff finally got there. At first it seemed like a relief, because it meant that nobody was home, but then again, it might have meant that Awsten had been taken somewhere that wasn't here. That was unlikely, but there was no way that his mother would have dropped him home without thinking that somebody else was here with him, and there definitely was not now. A lot could have happened over the span of an hour.
He got out and walked up to the door, hesitating to do anything, ironically, because he'd been in such a hurry to get here and now he was, he wasn't able to make a steady decision. He knocked, counting in his head to five, before trying to open the door which was unlocked, to his surprise, but he let himself in anyway.
Nobody really seemed to be home when he walked inside. It was like a fraying hollow shell of something pretensive, holding a facade of a house but barely anything vital for its title. It was so empty, but he hoped that Awsten was here. He didn't know where else to find him.
Geoff didn't know what he was waiting for but he didn't move from his position by the front door. Maybe he was waiting to make sure that it was safe to go upstairs. Maybe he was hesitating because he didn't want to see what was up there.
Awsten was hurt. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach. Maybe it's why the place felt so hollow; the only warmth left wasn't here. That would also explain the shattered glass by the wall, the array of parts attracting his vision, little shards catching the light, sprinkled across the wood.
Awsten was hurt.
He didn't know how he had not managed to see that Awsten was still uneasy after his breakdown from the previous night. Or why he had let himself decide that it would be okay for him to let his guard down for the night. He should have waited for Awsten go to sleep or confirm that he was okay. He needed the confirmation. Awsten wouldn't have left if he'd stayed awake a little bit longer.
But Awsten did leave, and now Geoff had to deal with the consequences. Maybe he was too late for that.
He uneasily began to move forward, a floorboard creaking after one step, leaving him frozen in one place, paralysed, as his heart rate increased because of what? He wasn't sure, but he didn't have the time to be worried about himself, because he wasn't the one who was the likely target, and even if he was, he was less defensively.
He remembered what the boy had told him in the car that night when he'd finally admitted it. I need you to calm down, okay? It's going to be okay. Just breathe with me, yeah? Breathe in. One... two... three... four... and back out. You're doing so well. Let's do it again, okay? He let himself breathe, calming himself down to a point where he could manage, and shakily began to move again and walk towards the staircase. "Aws?" No response. He found himself clinging to the stair railing as he paid attention to each step that he took, elevating slowly. He was full of dread of what he was about to see at the top.
And what he saw was too much.
"H-Holy fuck."
YOU ARE READING
Serendipitous (Gawsten)
Fanfiction[COMPLETED] An apathetic boy with colourblindness and too many problems serendipitously meets a boy who may be able to help him feel all of the colours he'd never seen.
