Serendipitous (Gawsten)

77. Shaking Shoulders

The sound of knuckles gently rapping against the thick wooden door of the bathroom nearly startled Awsten from his mentally unconscious state. Nearly. His thoughts were still overriding him, hijacking the circuits in his brain.

"Awsten?"

The sound of Geoff's voice immediately pulled him out, though. His eyes shot up to the bathroom door as the latch clicked open and the older boy pushed the door open and slid inside, Awsten quickly stumbling to stand up from his sitting position on the shower floor underneath the running water, instead placing one hand flat against the wall to support his lack of balance and keep him on his feet.

"Awsie, baby," Geoff closed the door back behind him and smiled sadly over at the small boy behind the fogged up glass, his cheeks red and detailed with dried tear tracks clinging to his skin; matching, much like Awsten's, except his had been washed away, rinsed down the drain.

"Can you please just come and hold me?" Awsten mumbled, keeping his voice from breaking, and grateful that he could. He couldn't bear to let his mind creep through the future that he knew he was bound to live through, the one where his own blood spilled from his fragile body again at the hands of the man he willed himself to avoid for so long. He couldn't be safe, and he couldn't expect anything from anyone, anymore. He never should have. Depending on people always ended up with being disappointed in the end.

Geoff immediately nodded and opened the cabinets underneath the sink to take out a clean towel, unfolding it as he signalled for Awsten to get out of the shower. "Come on, sweetheart. Come get dry." The younger boy nodded weakly as he turned off the water flow in the shower and stepped out, shivering from the lack of heat in contact with his skin, in comparison to a couple of moments ago.

Geoff smiled softly and wrapped the white towel around the boy's shoulders, rubbing at his body with the towel, hushing him when he started to cry again.

Depending on people always ended up with being disappointed in the end. Maybe Awsten would rephrase that. The hollow feeling in his stomach was not disappointment in Geoff, in fact, the gratitude that he had for the older boy was ridiculously radiant in comparison to every other feeling he'd ever felt; because every other feeling was grey. Numbingly, disgustingly grey.

The hollow feeling in his stomach was, however, the regret for not being capable enough to keep himself safe, angry at himself for being the reason that he did end up depending on other people to nurture his pathetic little needs. It wasn't fair on them. Awsten was just too pathetic to handle himself. Maybe that's why no one else had ever been willing to handle him.

"Don't cry, my beautiful boy," Geoff hushed as he pulled Awsten in closer to his body, ignoring the water droplets that soaked from Awsten's skin into the older boy's clothing. He pressed little kisses to his head in reassurance while the smaller boy shivered and held in sobs. "I've got you. Don't cry. I have you."

Awsten just shook his head helplessly as he held tightly onto Geoff's arms, his head pressed up against the boy's chest. "C-Can't," he stuttered, trying to suck in a breath of air before his sobs possessed his oxygen intake once again. It was hard though, he may as well just suffocate.

"No?" Geoff questioned, running his hand soothingly through the fragile boy's dripping blonde hair. "But I kept my promise, baby. You're safe, sweetheart."

Awsten pulled away from the older boy with a gaze of disbelief, as if he was having some cruel joke played on him and Geoff just wanted to stand by and watch the small boy completely fall apart until every last piece of him had been torn away from sanity. "W-What?"

"My mum said that you can stay," Geoff smiled, his thumb rubbing little circles into Awsten's back through the thin material of the towel that was draped over his shaking shoulders.

"O-Oh, my god," he stuttered, starting to cry even harder in relief, it was quite cathartic, actually. He let Geoff pull him into his chest and hold him until the realisation that he didn't have to go home settled in and his body finally relaxed, his breathing even with Geoff's heartbeat.

"You're okay, my lovely. You're alright," Geoff smiled as he rubbed at the smaller boy's back, helping him to stand on his own instead of depending on the older boy to support all of his balance and very little weight. "Let's get you dry and then we can cuddle, okay?"

He nodded quickly as a little smile tugged at his lips because holy fuck, he was safe, and it was all too unreal and he really shouldn't be this relieved and grateful about not having to go home and Geoff probably thought that he was overreacting, but it didn't matter. He was actually safe.

"I'd like that." He pulled the towel around his shoulders a bit more to calm his shivering before drying himself off and getting dressed into the clean boxers and hoodie that he had stolen from Geoff's dresser drawer earlier. "Except you need a shower first."

"Noted," Geoff smiled, kissing Awsten's lips softly before pulling away again. "Wait for me in my room, okay? I'll come see you when I'm clean."

So he leaned up and kissed him back, smiling softly as he nodded. "And then we can cuddle?"

"Yeah, Aws. Then we can cuddle."