Serendipitous (Gawsten)

11. Suffer

Awsten wasn't sure why he had just opened up to someone who was as close as a stranger to him. Maybe this is why he avoided making friends, he was so desperate for validation that he fed off their reactions.

Open and closed, open and closed.

"He hurt you?" Awsten could identify the genuine worry in Geoff's voice, oddly enough, it comforted him.

"I deserved it."

The first time Awsten had ever been physically hurt by his father was the day of his sixteenth birthday. The man was blindly drunk and was annoyed that Awsten didn't want to try any alcohol, not even a sip. He tried to use excuses like "it's not legal" or "it will taste bad", but truthfully, he was scared because of how his father got when he was intoxicated; he never wanted to turn out acting like that.

He ended up getting a beer bottle smashed over his head that night, it left him with a concussion for over a day; and the worst part was waiting for an apology and never getting one.

"Don't say that."

"But I did." And I kept pushing, acting up, because I really just liked the feeling of him trying to kill me.

Geoff wasn't laying next to Awsten anymore, he was pacing around the bedroom playing with the silver ring on his finger. Awsten was still sitting on Geoff's bed, but he was sitting up now, anxiously watching the boy pace around.

"You need to calm down, it's not a big deal, honestly."

"Not a big deal? Are you fucking kidding me? You need to report this to someone!" Awsten noticed that Geoff wasn't fiddling around with his ring, he was popping a safety pin. "How do you expect me let you go home to him, huh?"

"My dad gets off work early today, as long as I'm home before him at two and don't piss him off, then I'm fine."

"Awsten..." This was the first time he'd heard him say his name. Awsten was unsure of what was going on until he followed Geoff's gaze to the clock that was mounted on his wall.

"Fuck." It was already quarter to two, and it was about a thirty minute drive back to his house, going over the speed limit included. The one thing he promised himself that he would do was get back on time so nobody knew he had left the house but he couldn't even get that right. "Shit. I really have to go." He began to get off Geoff's bed and hurry out the door.

"Hey." He felt a firm grip on his wrist as he tried to leave the bedroom. "If he fucking touches you, call me and I'll come get you, okay?"

"I will."

——————

He stumbled up to his doorstep, shaking uncontrollably at the sight of his father's car in the driveway. He hesitated for an awfully long time before deciding that eventually he was going to have to go inside and it may as well be now.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

"I-I wasn't..." he trailed off, stumbling over his words as he watched his father stand from where he was sat and walk up to the fragile boy.

"Do not stutter. Where have you been?"

"Out." He was struck with a familiar sting to his cheek. He had barely even made it inside of his house, and he had already been hit.

"You are not to leave this property without my permission, understood? Especially not looking like that." Awsten already knew that he was talking about his ripped jeans, he wasn't allowed to wear them because of religious beliefs within the family.

"I'm nineteen, can't I have any fucking freedom?" He pushed his dad hard in the chest as an attempt to get him away, he was sick of being a coward, he was sick of the constant fear that lived in his head.

The man's fingers rapidly snaked back around Awsten's neck to the same place they had before, the pressure on the bruising that remained became excruciating.

He began to thrash around behind his father's grip, his vision began to blur and his arms got weaker, but he managed the throw a punch at the figure's mouth that allowed him a moment to breathe as the grip on his neck loosened. I don't want to die.

Geoff wouldn't want me to die.

In the second that he allocated himself a moment to think about fearing for his life instead of being alert to the situation that was unfolding, he had been dropped to the floor and taking a hard blow to his fragile stomach from his father's boot.

He tensed and curled in on himself as he anticipated another kick in his side but it never came. He daringly brought his eyes up to the place where his dad was standing, staring down upon him. A few moments after catching his breath, Awsten shakily managed to stand up again and hold himself upright on his weak legs. "D-don't fucking t-touch me again-n."

The adrenaline that had been shot up in his veins managed to carry him up the staircase without causing him to collapse, by some miracle.

Up the stairs. Avoid the squeaky boards. Close the door behind you. Click, click, click.

Awsten noticed that the first lock he ever put on his door was beginning to fall out of place, he made a mental note to get a new one.

As he came into his room he caught a glimpse of his face in the small circular mirror that he had mounted to the inside of his wall, noticing the tear tracks on his face; he didn't remember how they got there. His face was swollen and Awsten paid attention to all of the dark patches that were scattered on his face, meaning that he was probably going red.

With that, he collapsed in a shaking heap on his scratchy carpet, the burning from his tears leaving a satisfying tingling sensation on his cheeks and down his neck.

Call me and I'll come get you.