Awsten wasn't sure how far he was willing to go in one night. His sex drive was never really in control of his thoughts, but he was completely lost in the moment right now.
Once he could feel Geoff's mouth moving along his collarbone, he was practically about to beg for more. He could feel the pressure as Geoff sucked a dark mark into his skin, it hurt as he did it but it was the kind of pain that Awsten adored. His body was already covered in bruises from bad intentions and bad people, but he wanted the ones that Geoff were leaving to stain his body forever; they were gorgeous.
It was only when Geoff began to toy with Awsten's waistband that he realised that he was, in fact, not ready to do anything more. He quickly grabbed onto Geoff's hand and looked at him worriedly in the eye, to which he got a soft smile in return. "I'm not ready, yet."
He felt pathetic saying it. He was an adult, a nineteen-year-old man saying that he didn't want to have sex even though he had before in the past, even after all of these intimate exchanges they had been having for the past period of time. He was embarrassed by it, he could feel the heat rushing to his head.
Geoff seemed confused for a split moment before nodding quickly, "Oh, uh- yeah. Shit. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" He was blushing, he hadn't even done anything wrong.
What a great boner killer, Awsten. He sighed and sat up a little too quickly, groaning at the subtle pain in his side. "Can I have my shirt?" He was getting uncomfortable now, it was entirely his fault that his body looked the way it did, it was pretty pathetic how he tried to hide it all of the time.
Geoff almost seemed like he was in shock, it took him a while to comprehend Awsten's request before quickly picking it up from the floor where it was discarded and handing it to the smaller boy. "Are you okay?"
He wanted to say yes. Yes, because I got to kiss you. Because you let me kiss you. Because you kissed me back. On the lips. For a long time. Truthfully, he didn't know why he was feeling uneasy. "Mmhmm."
Geoff just nodded shyly. "Oh, okay," he began to pull his own shirt on again, and Awsten shifted uncomfortably on top of his bed. "My parents are going to be home, like soon- uh, I think I'm going to go upstairs and wait for them? I, you know, don't want them to come down here to check up on me or anything." He laughed nervously.
"Yeah." Once Geoff had gotten up off of the bed and disappeared behind the closed door, Awsten began to panic.
He didn't expect to freak out over a short make-out session, he just hadn't been in this situation in a long while and he forgot how to deal with his insecurities. Geoff has insecurities too, I'm sure.
It didn't even matter at this point, he couldn't decide whether it was worse to stay here and be uncomfortable or just go back to his house, neither were ideal.
His breathing began to constrict, a feeling that he had become far too familiar with; he was starting to have an anxiety attack, once again.
He wanted Geoff. He wanted to be held and whispered to and cared for by him. He wanted Geoff. I want Geoff.
But Geoff was the problem. Or maybe he was the only solution, which also seemed like a problem. Either way, Awsten was too confused to try and figure out why the fuck he was breaking down, maybe Geoff would be mad at him for not wanting to have sex?
His thought track immediately broke once he realised that he really couldn't breathe. His fingers were completely numb from lack of oxygen, he couldn't move them at all, and trying to gasp for air was pointless.
His vision was blackening, he really didn't want to pass out right now, would Geoff have to call an ambulance? No, he couldn't let that happen, he just needed to stop being so dramatic and just breathe.
But he couldn't.
It was almost as if his body was trying to get him killed, which usually he would be okay with; but, right now, Awsten felt pink. He didn't want to die.
Everything became a blur. He didn't remember when, but at some point, he had curled into his body to try to make himself feel smaller. He didn't remember how long he had been there, alone, barely alive.
His thoughts were all muddled, he couldn't make sense of anything, except for the fact that he needed Geoff.
That's all that he could think about, he desperately tried to concentrate on something else, but Geoff lived in his head. Maybe, he just had to give in. He had to focus on something and concentrating on his breathing wasn't helping, so Geoff would have to do.
He tried to shake his vision back as he attempted to focus on the candles around the room. He loved them, they made him feel warm, redcandlesredcandlesredcandles. Were they even red? He made a mental note to ask later, right now he was having trouble focusing on anything; he gave up.
A series of events happened. Chatter upstairs, his vision disappearing, the sound of a car turning off, the bedroom door opening. He had no idea what order these events happened in, they, like everything else in his head, were muddled.
Regardless, he was now in Geoff's arms; he was sure it was him based off of his scent and body structure, it would be weird if it were anyone else.
He still wasn't functioning properly, his vision and breathing were cutting in and out, constantly. He got extremely claustrophobic when he had anxiety attacks, but he never wanted Geoff to let him go.
He attempted to use his numb hands to grip onto Geoff's shirt, grip onto something, but they didn't work either; he was a fucking mess. He hadn't even realised he'd been crying, he added that to his mental list of things that had happened at some point in time, hopefully, he could make more sense of it later.
He thought he could hear fine, at least. He could hear the steady heartbeat in Geoff's chest, which he was pressed up to, and he tried to time his breathing with it; he almost thought it worked, but it didn't.
It wasn't until Awsten noticed that Geoff was trying to talk to him that he realised that there wasn't a single working function in his body, at least from what he could tell.
He recognised the words. They sounded familiar, he knew them, but he couldn't understand them. His head heart. Fuck, his head hurt really bad, and falling asleep would feel really nice right now.
Thinking was a surreal experience when he couldn't understand what the voices in his head were saying. He knew what they were telling him to do, but the verbal content was absent.
He smiled a little, his throat may have been closing over, but that didn't stop him from feeling safe as Geoff hugged Awsten closer into his chest. He liked Geoff. He already knew that, but he had to work with the vocabulary of an infant right now, and goddamn did he like Geoff.
He got tired. He tried to yawn, it was unsuccessful, but his eyelids were feeling extremely heavy and his brain needed to restart, so he allowed himself to fall asleep in Geoff's soft embrace.
YOU ARE READING
Serendipitous (Gawsten)
Fanfiction[COMPLETED] An apathetic boy with colourblindness and too many problems serendipitously meets a boy who may be able to help him feel all of the colours he'd never seen.
