Serendipitous (Gawsten)

70. Sift

The rain was still pouring down as the two boys sat in the car. There wasn't much to do for entertainment, Geoff hated that this was how they had to spend their last day here.

He had to tell Awsten.

"Baby?" This conversation could either go well, or very badly. The older boy already knew which. "I need to talk to you about something."

The younger boy's gaze fell lazily from his lap over to his boyfriend's eyes, trying to figure out whether this was a good something or a bad something. "Hmm?" It was going to be a bad something.

Geoff cautiously took ahold of one of Awsten's hands in his own as he moved in his seat to face the smaller boy, who was now looking up at him with curiosity and worry. "We can't pretend anymore. I know it hasn't been long, but it's already time to stop pretending."

"W-What?" Awstens eyes became sad as he tried to follow along with what the older boy was trying to tell him. "What do you mean?"

"We're going home tomorrow, sweetheart. We can't stay out here any longer. We have to go."

Awsten's expression sunk. "H-Home? To my dad?" The boy's frail body had started to shake as he comprehended what that meant. "I c-can't!"

"No, lovely. Of course not. To my house. You can stay with me in my room for as long as we need to. It's going to be okay."

Awsten sighed. He didn't exactly want to hide in Geoff's bedroom for as long as it would take to make another plan, but he didn't think it would get much better. "How are we gonna hide me? L-Last time, you know... we got caught."

Geoff just shook his head. "We won't. I guess we just tell my parents that you're going to be staying with us, and just warn them that they can't tell your parents where you are. It's risky, I know that, sweetheart. I just didn't give myself enough time to think of a better plan. We needed more time."

Awsten would usually say that he didn't mind. That Geoff knew his parents, and if the older boy didn't think that they were going to say anything, then he trusted him. But he couldn't bring himself to do that, he didn't really know why.

He'd just be an intrusion, a burden, the blame.

Awsten didn't think that he'd made anything besides a bad impression on Geoff's family. It made him insecure as to how the older boy really felt about him. Maybe he truly did like Awsten, or think that he was beautiful, but there was always going to be at least one thing that somebody didn't like about him. That one thing, even though he didn't know what it was yet, was enough for him to want to lock himself away in a room for the rest of his life. One negative would outweigh the thousands of positives, it always did.

"We definitely don't have more time?"

"No, sweetheart." Geoff couldn't tell what Awsten was thinking, but it was clear to see that the younger boy was very fragile in this moment. That could either mean that he wanted to be held until the very last second possible, or wanted to be miles and miles away from everyone; including Geoff. There was no in between. A touch would either be the only thing that could keep him held together, or be the thing that rips him completely apart. "Can you tell me what you're thinking?"

Awsten only shrugged in response, he didn't really have any distinct thoughts. There were just too many to sift through to find something that could be put into a legible sentence.

"Are you okay?" The boy's unresponsiveness from Geoff's previous question had spiked worry in the older boy, trying to figure out exactly what it was that Awsten needed, and quickly.

Awsten didn't even shrug this time. He sat and stared out at the rain pouring down the windshield, accompanied by a loud clap of thunder. His face looked expressionless. The older boy didn't know what to do.

So, Geoff reached out and tried to hold Awsten's hand, although the younger boy flinched, pulling the hand that Geoff had tried to hold onto his chest so that the older boy couldn't touch it again. "No more affection."

"What- why? Baby, I-" Geoff stopped what he was saying as Awsten stared him down from using the pet-name. They had been fine an hour ago. They had been all over each other. It didn't make sense. "D-Did I do something, sweet-" he cut himself off, trying to respect the younger boy's needs right now.

Awsten shrugged again. Clearly he wasn't in the mood to talk, so Geoff decided that he'd have to figure out the cause as to what was making Awsten act like this. He pointed out the obvious. "It was the dream, wasn't it?"

"I could feel it. It w-wasn't real, I know that. I do. But... I was so cold and you were so warm and I could feel it... everything. And I could see you so clearly and you were talking to me and-" Awsten let out a small choked sob before acting as if he wasn't all that upset. "You were talking how you usually talk. T-The names you call me. I can't stop thinking about it every time that y-you call me something cute."

"Oh."

"It was so fucking real."

And Geoff just nodded, not because he understood, but because Awsten needed to think that he did.