Serendipitous (Gawsten)

68. Slither

He immediately turned around when he heard the car door close and soft footsteps behind him. Despite the amount of sleep the boy had gotten, Awsten look absolutely exhausted.

His cheeks were red and his eyes were slightly puffy from all of the crying that he'd endured earlier, his steps much slower and unsteady as he lazily dragged his body to sit down next to Geoff by the river.

Neither of the two said anything. They just sat and stared at the water with their knees tucked into their chest, Geoff playing with his fingers while Awsten picked at some moss that was trying to sprout up between the rocks.

"My th-throat hurts."

"That's expected." Awsten had been hysterical earlier, sobbing violently and screaming as loud as he could. Now he's voice just sounded croaky and drained, like all of the life that was left in his body had managed to slither its way back out of his being.

"It was about you, again."

"Oh." Awsten kept his gaze steadily on what his hands were doing, picking at the moss, trying to keep himself occupied while he tried to explain the situation without freaking out again.

"You said that you loved me." Awsten tried to strain any tears back, not wanting to cry again. He'd already done that enough for one day. "You hurt me and s-said that you were just looking after me."

Geoff let that settle for a minute, really not wanting to upset Awsten again, trying to even find a way to deliver his thoughts into words. He couldn't. "How... did I hurt you? Was I yelling again?"

Awsten shook his head. "You, uh... said I was selfish because I didn't want to have sex w-with you. And then you made me, anyway."

"Aws, no." Geoff furrowed his eyebrows in sympathy and shuffled his body around so that he could hold one of Awsten's hands in his both of his own. "You know that I'm never gonna do that. I... did it freak you out that I said that I loved you? Did that upset you, sweetheart?"

Awsten's eyes shyly met the older boy's before glancing away almost immediately, swallowing thickly as his mouth dried out.

"I don't think I'm ready to say it back, yet."

"It's okay, baby. It's okay. I don't think I am, either. But I think I'm getting there, and I don't want that to worry you."

"It doesn't."

They sat there in silence for just a little while longer, Geoff still holding tightly onto Awsten's hand with his own, carefully bringing the boy's knuckles to his lips and kissing them softly.

Awsten's lips turned up slightly which allowed Geoff to have a rush of relief, even though the boy was still being cautious of him. The last thing that the older boy would ever want to do was upset Awsten. He would do anything to make it better.

Geoff squeezed Awsten's hand reassuringly as he tried to direct the conversation, trying to figure out what had happened. He didn't think that it was prying since the younger boy was the one who had initially began the conversation that they were currently having, although even if it was, the older boy still had to make Awsten feel better. He needed to know how. "Do you know why you've been getting them? The... dreams, you know?"

"T-They're usually about my dad... he's usually, like... hitting me, stuff like that. F-Forcing me to drink and become like him. Making me... hurt people I care about." The boy's eyes were watering but he quickly dried his eyes with the cuffs of his oversized pink hoodie. "I don't wanna hurt them, Geoff! But he makes me. I-I can't stop, he makes me!"

Geoff let Awsten fall into his chest so that he wouldn't waste his limited energy on holding himself up any longer. "I'm so sorry, Aws. I'm gonna make it stop. I'll find a way to make them stop."

The small boy shakily pulled himself away from Geoff's chest and sat up again, drying his eyes once more. Crying was too exhausting. "H-He's usually in the dreams because I get them about... things that I'm scared of."

Geoff felt his heart stop, lightly at first, like a little pang in his chest. And then, all of a sudden, it just was sucked down like a black hole, sink deeper and deeper at rapid speeds into the pit of his stomach. He didn't realise how hollow a body could feel like. How hollow his own body could feel like. It was foreign. It wasn't his. "A-Are you... are you scared of me, Aws?"

He was looking straight at the small boy who was sobbing into his hands, trying to hide his face. It was barely working, anyway. Geoff teared the boy's arms away from his face and made him look at his eyes, his own holding a soft but guilty expression. Awsten's just looked empty. There was nothing behind them.

Although Awsten just shook his head, wiping away the tears off of his cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie, the fabric growing darker in patches as moisture soaked into it. "N-No. You're the only... s-safe thing I have right now. I-I'm scared that you're gon-gonna leave me!"

"I'm not, baby, I promise."

"You don't know that!" Awsten sobbed a little lighter this time. He was having a catharsis. Geoff decided that it was a good thing. "You don't know! You don't understand my head. I don't even understand. You can't promise if you don't know!" Awsten pulled his legs back into his chest and hugged them tightly, looking back out to the river even though he could feel the older boy staring at him. "That's not even my b-biggest fear."

"Then what is, sweetheart?"

"I'm scared that I'm not good enough."