Carliene Stark

Chapter 44

Carliene

I cried until my throat was raw and soar. Until my sobs had turned into noting but little wipers and the birdcalls overtones them in the morning breeze.

"M'Lady" I did not look up as I heard the guard approach. "I am to escort you back to your chambers" a hand was stretched into my view as it offered to help me up.

I took a moment to collect myself before speaking. "Just a moment" I managed to say without my voice breaking.
The guard hesitated, before the hand was pulled away and I heard him take a few steps back.
I leaned forwards, letting my elbows rest on my knees and rubbing my moist eyes. I felt absolutely exhausted. As if I hadn't slept in weeks. I rose, trying to wipe off the strands of hair clinging to my sticky cheeks.

The guard stepped behind me as I started shuffling into the direction of my little cell of a room. I just wanted to sleep. To curl up and never awaken again. Or better yet wake up in my bed in Winterfell. At age eighteen, finding that all of this had been nothing but a horribly detailed nightmare.

Iris was waiting for me in my room, already having prepared a steaming bath. I only shook my head at the sight of it. 

"But you need to cleanse yourself. You could get sick too!" she insisted. 

I'm sick already. "I just need to rest, please leave me" I ordered weakly. 

"M'Lady I do-"

"That wasn't a suggestion!" I snapped at her. My eyes burning hot with tears of frustration. I definitely needed to rest and gather myself again. I was breaking down way too easily.

To my relief the maid bowed and exited the room. I didn't bother changing, I just curled under the covers and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

I had a horrible dream. I dreamt of the battle of blackwater bay again. Mostly about the wildfire through. There were no soldiers, no ships, there wasn't even me. But there was the fire. Those green flames, that drew in your eyes and almost left you blind. It wasn't just the water burning this time, but Kingslanding was smoking. And I thought I recognised the sept burning.
I woke with a cold sweat covering my body. I could feel the cloth of my dress stick to my belly and thighs. Suddenly I felt extremely filthy and a great need to bathe. The tub was still full, but as I tested it with my hand the water proved to be cold.

I stared at it for a moment, watching the small rings hit the wooden edge and disappear until the surface was perfectly smooth again. Someone had once told me that bathing in cold water from now and then was healthy. Soldiers even bathed in the snow sometimes up in the north. Was it father who said that or someone else? Or was it just common knowledge in the north.
I couldn't remember, but a numbness had spread in my chest and head since I had awoken and I felt like maybe a cold bath could do more than just wake me up. I struggled out of my dress, realising that the garment was not made to be taken off by a lady without her maid. As I loosened the corset a weight seemed to be lifted from my chest and abdomen. I did't feel all that nauseous all of a sudden. Gooseflesh rose up my legs as I stood before the tub naked.

Before I could change my mind I stepped into the tub and sat down, letting the water crawl up to just bellow my breasts. I inhaled sharply as the cold surrounded me. It reminded me of the time Robb and Jon and Theon and I had jumped into the lake and realised too late that the water was way too cold for a swim. We all caught a cold soon after. Mother was furious, but father explained that we had not dried off properly and gotten our clothes wet and that that was the reason we fell ill.

I wouldn't make the same mistake. I cupped some water in my hands and splashed it at my face, rubbing my cheeks and eyes. Before my teeth could begin to chatter I stepped out of the tub and quickly grabbed the towel Iris had laid ready in the morning to dry myself off thoroughly.