Carliene Stark

Chapter 67

Carliene

I had a long night ahead of me, unable to find the calm to rest. After searching all through my chambers for a key to the door and turning up nothing I made Iyris share my bed, even though I knew that she would be no form of defence if Daven decided to return. The girl was sceptical and afraid at first, but soon she slept comfortably, while I sat in bed, staring at the door.
I could still hear the rain outside and often found myself imagining that the drumming on the roofs were in fact fingers tapping against the wood of my door.

I observed the sky grow lighter, announcing a new grey day. I watched Iyris sleep for a while, trying to find some comfort in the fact that at least one of us was calm and peaceful. She woke eventually, quickly crawling out of bed and dressing in her simple garb.

I concentrated on breathing, my chest feeling heavy with the lack of sleep, it felt like I was trapped in some never-ending night terror.
Iyris convinced me to get out of bed and had me dressed in some cream-coloured dress. I found myself sitting in front of the mirror, streaking my belly while the girl tried to make some sense of the tangled mess that was my hair when Brayla entered.
I was surprised and relieved to see her, she looked like she too had had trouble sleeping. She looked like she wanted to say something but her lips remained empty as she folder her hands and rubbed them nervously at her lap.
I too felt like I needed to say something, but no words would come to me as I stared at her blurred shape in the mirror. The midwife sat down at the table after a moment and we both waited in silence for Iyris to finish on my hair. 

"I will fetch you breakfast" the girl said with a curtsy once she had braided my hair back and left. 

I listened to the door close, looking down at the bulge in my dress. 

"How are you feeling?" Brayla finally spoke, her voice hoarse. 

I looked up at the mirror, unable to read her expression through it. "How are you feeling?" I retorted, remembering the sound of her screams. I saw her fumbling with something on the desk and rose to turn to her. "You.." I trailed off unaware on how to ask her about her loud outburst, when she had been so composed at Walda's death. 

"I am fine" she responded uncomfortably, scratching nervously at something on the table's surface. 

I sat down opposite to her. "You seemed.. very taken with Ser Oliver's death" I worded carefully though not too smoothly. 

She gave me a short angry glance. "And you didn't?" She snapped sounding almost wounded. Before I could ask she composed herself, taking on an apologetic tone. "I was rather fond of him" she admitted sadly. 

I studied her a moment, wondering of there and been some deeper connection she had failed to notice. "Where the two of you.." I trailed off once again unsure of how to word it. 

"No" she assured quickly. Then she swallowed and spoke with a tighter throat. "But I though of him as a good man, and those are hard to come by these days"

I could feel my face grow hot again, slowly finding myself nodding in agreement. "I am so sorry Brayla" I finally managed to say, overpowering my pride to let myself admit that all of this had been my fault. 

She gave me a pained look. "It wasn't your fault" I appreciated her effort but I could tell that was not the truth she believed in.

A better version of myself would have corrected her and taken responsibility for my actions, but slipping away into the role of the helpless victim was easier. And so I stayed silent.

Irys returned with a tray of a selection of bread, cheese and some boiled eggs along with some fruit. Feeling no desire to eat I invited the other two to share in my meal and while Brayla and I only nibbled at some grapes and the cheese, Iyris happily cleared the plates.