I Wanna Be Your Girlfriend | Nikki Sixx

Chapter 80.

Chapter 80.

Carly's POV

Five days until Nikki and I will not see each other for a really long time. I haven't seen Nikki since he was here crying the other day, I hope his nose is doing better. I feel like shit for hitting him. I sighed and put away all the stuff for smack and blow. I really need to get off this shit, I've been doing it a lot more since the incident with Nikki, I see what it's been doing to me. Physically and mentally. I have dark circles around my eyes and my cheekbones are a lot more prominent, I'm losing weight and my clothes are starting to get too big for me. Within a day, withdrawal kicks in and it's a bitch. This used to be for fun, now it's to drown out everything.

I use it to forget about Nikki, to forget about my home life that haunts me everyday, my suicidal thoughts are a constant and when I'm on smack and blow, I'm normal. I hate that I'm dependent on a drug, but I hate how I am off the drug more. I sighed and got up off my bed, I'm staying in Tommy's guest bedroom for the time being. I'm so nervous to live alone, I haven't lived on my own in a while, when I was separated from Nikki and I lived alone for a year, it was hell. I don't know how I'm going to cope, the only reason I'm not completely falling apart is because I'm with Tommy.

I pulled a long sleeve shirt on me and walked out into the living room and sat down on the couch and turned the TV on. I flipped through the stations till I landed on the show, Dynasty. I grabbed a pillow and put it on my lap. I frowned and felt tears fill my eyes again. I'm not fucked up enough, I still have Nikki on my mind. I got up and walked out to the bedroom and got out a pill bottle and dumped out 3 ecstasy pills. I haven't touched these since I overdosed, but I need to be fucked up to forget. I'll do anything to forget Nikki. I walked over to the kitchen, pills still in hand and got a beer out. I put the pills in my mouth and swallowed it with the beer.

"What did you take?" I heard Tommy ask from behind me. I jumped and turned around. "Oh, headache medicine." I said, quickly. Probably too quickly because Tommy raised his eyebrows. "Just headache medicine, hm?" He asked. "Yes." I replied. He turned around and started to walk towards the room I'm staying in. "Wh–What are you doing?" I asked, following him. "I have a headache, too." He said. "Wait, let me get it!" I exclaimed. He walked in and grabbed the pill bottle, he opened it. "Hm, I've never seen headache medicine in these colors before." He said, looking up at me.

I could feel the affects of the ecstasy beginning to kick in. Colors began to get more vibrant, I could feel myself getting giddy. "Jesus, Carly! You almost died and these were the reason!" He exclaimed. "I.." I couldn't even form a proper sentence. "You what?" He asked. "Shit, like. Stop." Is all I could say. "You're so fucking high, man." He shook his head. "You do it all the time!" I exclaimed. "Yeah, but the difference is you almost died and ecstasy was part of it!" He yelled. I held my head. His voice sounds so much louder right now, I can't take it. "Please, stop yelling." I mumbled. I walked over and fell in my bed and pulled covers over me. "Please, just leave me be." I said, weakly.

I heard footsteps and then my door shut. I looked over and saw that Tommy left. I sighed out and sat up. I looked around the room and saw Nikki sitting in the chair at the desk. My eyes went wide. "Nikki?" I asked. He turned and looked at me. He smiled wide. "Hey, Starry Eyes." He replied. "How did you get in here?" I asked. He stood up and walked over to the bed and sat down. "I'm not really here, babe. You're going through something I went through, psychosis." He said. I furrowed my eyebrows. "What are you talking about? No I'm not, I'm not paranoid and scared like you were." I said. "Yeah, that may be true but, you're hallucinating. I'm not really here, Carls. I'm on your mind so much that this is what you're hallucinating." He said.

I felt tears fill my eyes. "I miss you." I said, my voice shaking. "I miss you, too. But, this is your choice, babe." He said. I reached out to touch him and he disappeared. "Nikki?" I called out and looked around. Tears spilled down my cheeks. "Nikki!" I cried. I fell back on the bed and cried into the pillow. I want him to come back, this is all so messy. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I want.

All I do know is that I'm slowly slipping into insanity.

(A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Please vote, it's greatly appreciated! Feedback is always welcome! Okay bye👻)