Matt Espinosa Imagines

Imagine #13- I Don't Understand, Why Me?

Here you love! I hope you like it and thank you all for reading!!! Sorry if it sucks

Kenna's P.O.V.

I opened the door to Matt's house. I looked into to next room and there he was. Matt was pacing the floor and smally mumbling to himself. I knew something was wrong. That made me extremely nervous. "Hi Matty." I said to him. His eyes shot towards me and he looked like he was about to throw up. 

"Kenna, I need to talk to you about something right now." Matt nervously replied while he sat on the couch. 

"Oh no! Did they move the tour dates again! I have barely seen you this time.." I was about to burst into tears after asking that. 

"No, Kenna it is not like that. When I was on tour, one night a got a little tispy. There was a girl at the bar and she looked like you. All of the other guys had left so I was by myself. I guess I really thought it was you because I went too far." He said looking down at the floor. 

"What do you mean went too far, Matthew?" I said back to him while trying to look him in the eyes. 

"I had sex with her. And I am so sorry! I know it was wrong but I even remember thinking it was you. I missed you so much baby and I know I can't repay but do you want to talk this out?" Matt worriedly stated.  

I loved Matt and I believed him a lot but I did not need this right now. Recently since he was on tour and I am assuming he would talk about me, I have been getting  a lot more hate. I have my days were I don't give a fuck at all and days where it's depressing but lately it has been bad. 

Matt never knew I cut but some days I found a way to skip it when I was with him. I had gone back because of the hate and the fact he was not here to make me feel better. 

"Matt, I just need time to think. I accept your apology and believe the story but I just need time. I love you, you know, I just need time. " I said and I walked to the door. 

I got into my car and started to cry. I know he did not mean to but still, sex? We had gone there but that was something I found to be special in a relationship. It took us time to get this far and now it was gone. My tears were puddling in my lap as I sped down the highway. 

My phone was buzzing out of control and I wipe some more tears off my face. I pulled into my driveway and saw one of Matt's tweets. 

I did her so wrong Matt tweeted. 

Immediately I started getting a ton of messages. 

They were asking what I did wrong, what a slut and fat whore I am, and all these nasty things. 

I cried even more and went over to the bathroom. I found the razor and  took my left wrist which was covered by recent marks.  When I was with Matt they had faded a lot so he never knew. Now they were very obvious. 

I took and and started to cut. I would count why I was doing each one and eventually stop.

1. Matt cheated and she probably was prettier and better in bed. 

2. I am weak and take everything to heart. 

3. I am fat. 

4. I am hideous. 

5. I have a horrible body. 

6. I am slut somehow. 

7. I do not deserve Matt. 

8. I am not good enough. 

9. I am so selfish. 

10. You just suck. 

I stopped at 10 and went over to my bed. I cuddled with my cat and pillows. She licked the cuts and I just cried even harder. I knew if Matt ever found out he would be like that but in human form. I pet my cat some more and fell asleep crying. 

I woke up in the morning and Twitter seemed ever more upset with me. Indirect and people messaging me was an insane amount. They even got the hastags #WeHateKenna to trend worldwide. All different fandoms were joining in and I burst into tears. I ran over to the bathroom and decided to add another number. 

I took the blade and moved it across the skin. 

11. Everyone hates me. 

It started to bleed and it slowly dripped onto the floor. Just as I was about to make another cut, I saw a shadow behind me. 

"Why are you doing this to yourself Kenna?" Matt said. His eyes were filling with tears. 

"Was it because of me? Of course, it was. I bought you your favorite ice cream and chocolate. I also brought some tie-dyed roses since I know you always talked about how cool they were." Matt said and he slid down the wall. He started to cry and I took a deep breathe. 

"Matt I have been cutting for awhile. When I met you I stopped and they started to fade a lot but while you were gone I got a lot more hate than usual. Without you there no one was really cheering me up that much. I went back to it but when you got back a few days ago, I couldn't bring myself to do it again. But now, with this weird situation and the fans across the world blowing up at me, I'm deeply hurt." I said before bursting into tears. 

Matt pulled me into him and I just cried while he rubbed my back. I was so hurt and upset by everything that was happening. 

Matt looked up at me and kissed all the scars and newly formed ones. He brought in a band-aid and put it over the one I had just done.  He picked me up over his shoulder and brought me into my bedroom. He put me under the covers and brought over all the stuff he had brought. 

He cuddle up against me and I looked over at him. We both shared the tub of ice cream and we watched some TV. 

After, he took my face and said "I am so sorry for everything Kenna. For not being here when I should have been, for letting hate be given to someone as amazing as you and not notice it, and for cheating. From what I remember she was not as good as you. I just remember it not feeling as pleasing sorry if that's weird. But I love you more than anything and I am so sorry for everything." 

Matt looked so sincere and his brown eyes were melting my heart. 

I ate some chocolate and swallowed it down. 

"I know this is kind of rushing it, Kenna but am I forgiven for my sins?" Matt asked me. 

I leaned into his face and kissed him with full force. I kissed him for a bit and pulled away. 

"I'll take that as a yes, babe." Matt said to me. 

I just put my hands around his waist and smiled. He kissed my forehead and we watched the rest of the crappy TV movie. 

I was lucky to have Matt and I know in his right mine he would never cheat on me. He made me feel like a princess. He talked about how perfect I was for him and I felt a lot better about everything. 

He talked to the fans and other people about the hate and everything felt like it was in sync again.