WARNING --- under construction --- wird überarbeitet!!
Ein ungewöhnlicher Zwischenfall auf einer Preisverleihung, eine Talkshow und Fish'n'Chips - manchmal braucht es nicht viel mehr, um das Leben zweier Menschen durcheinanderzuwirbeln...
Achtung! D...
Standing in the way Standing in the way I'm still standing...
"Cherry tree", Xenia Rubinos
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
There, I said it. Now there is no turning back. I don't know if she will draw the right conclusion from what I just said, but she certainly will have an idea of what I am trying to say. I can feel her gaze upon me, and the urge to look into her face is overwhelming, but I resist, as good as I can, because I fear that once I look at her face, this longing inside of me will be far worse than it is now.
Blame it on the wine, or the situation, or blame it on my throbbing heart and the fact that she has been sitting only inches away from me for over an hour now, blame it on the fact that I am only a man, and that I have been alone for quite some time. It doesn't really matter, because the result is the same altogether: I am in love with her, I am an emotional mess, and I am completely unsure of what is going to happen next. I don't know if I intended to really tell her, for I have changed my mind several times today. I don't know if she realizes what I tried to confess, or how she will react now. There is only one thing I know for sure: No matter what Joelle has done to me in the past months and notwithstanding the fact that she is several hundred kilometers away, doing whatever she pleases at the moment and certainly not coming back to me, I cannot and will not cheat on her. This divorce is already something that stretches far beyond what I consider right and just, but cheating on my wife is something I cannot even begin to consider. It would be wrong for so many reasons, and I am sure I would be unable to look at myself in the mirror for the remainder of my life.
The silence stretches on, and when Jasmin finally speaks, it is in a hoarse whisper.
"I don't understand what you are saying. And why is the tree forbidden?" I can hear the puzzlement in her voice.
It seems that I overestimated her; I was sure she would figure out what I was trying to say. Or is she just pretending?
"Is this some biblical parable?", she adds.
I can only shake my head, but am unable to find the words to express what I am feeling. How can I explain to her how complicated this is; or at least, how complicated it feels to me? How much it confuses me what I feel? Again, there is this nagging issue of not knowing what her true feelings for me are: Is she just wooing me because she was a fan and now turned into a friend? Is she maybe in love with me as much as I am? I don't know, and of course, I cannot simply ask her. Just the thought of it is ridiculous. ('On a scale of 1 to 10, how strong would you rate your affection for me, dear Jasmin?') I am trapped. How did I get into this mess?
"Can you explain it to me, please?", she asks softly, and out of a reflex, I look at her. Her eyes captivate me, and what I feared most happens without warning: The compulsion to kiss her takes control of my body and mind, and I can feel myself closing the distance between us, slowly, very slowly, as if being remote-controlled. When Jasmin realizes what I am about to do, her eyes widen in surprise, and somehow, this mobilizes my last brain cells that are not yet ensnared by Jasmin's presence, and with all my remaining strength, I pull away.
