This one life

Lonely days

You talking 'bout lonely days
Can't stand it being by yourself
Tell me 'bout your lonely days
You need me and no one else

"Lonely days", Gentleman

With a frustrated sigh, I ball up the piece of paper that I have been writing on. A second later, it joins the many other discarded ideas in the paper bin with a soft thud. It is just no use: Nothing that comes out of my pen these days is close to acceptable, let alone good or brilliant. I know what I want to write, I have a very detailed idea on what I want to transport with the song; I can feel the mood and the message... but I cannot put it in words. I am unable to write during the day, because my phone is constantly ringing, and the evening hours when I used to work on my songs, when creativity used to be highest, are now devoted to phone calls with Jasmin. And once we hang up, I am usually tired and I feel very lonesome, and when I try to put any of my feelings to paper... Well, the nicest thing you could say about it is probably "romantic bullshit".

Thank God Basti is very understanding of the situation, although he wasn't happy with the sudden announcement of my separation from Joelle. "Negativschlagzeilen" are never any good, of course. But what can I do? I tried to put it as positive as I could on my Instagram and Twitter account and the press statement did not contain much information anyhow. So far, the media have kept rather quiet, although there have of course been numerous requests for interviews and radio and TV appearances, all of which my management has rejected. The problem is, the reason that was given for my unavailability was that I was in a creative phase that could not be disrupted and that I would afterwards be more than willing to give interviews.

I was always very secretive about my private life and I guess the media will not expect me to change this now, but the mere thought of having to answer any questions about my current situation, be it professional or private life, is dreadful. Which brings me back to my current problem: This 'creative phase' has bought me some time, but sooner or later, I need to show results.

On the bright side, at least the divorce proceedings are going well, or so my lawyer tells me. Of course, Joelle has made requests, such as that I immediately pay her half of the house's current value, which amounts to more than half a million. Nevertheless, the lawyer has informed me that she could be making my life a lot more complicated and has so far only claimed what she is entitled to anyway. We have not set up a prenuptial agreement and I have learned that this makes things more complicated, but it also means that, since we do not have any children, I will only have to pay alimony to her for a few years and that's it.

In any case, I am glad things are basically settled, because I have so many other things on my mind. I really need to write songs, have I mentioned that? Yet I feel I am utterly unable and the reason is quite obvious. However, I cannot improve the situation with Jasmin at the moment, because I am supposed to fly to Berlin and London in a few weeks to record the new songs. Yes, the songs that I am trying to write at the moment. So I am stuck here, forced to do work that I cannot complete. I really need to talk to Basti again, and postpone my recording sessions as well as negotiate a new delivery date for the album with Sony.