This one life

Square one

Under the surface trying to break through
Deciphering the codes in you
I need a compass, draw me a map
I'm on the top, I can't get back

"Square one", Coldplay

"Yeah, we should", räume ich zögernd ein, „but it's really no use pretending that we will be able to sleep!"

Bei meinen letzten Worten richte ich mich auf, zum einen, weil er versucht sich aufzusetzen, zum anderen, weil ich seine Reaktion sehen möchte. Sein Blick ist mal wieder unergründlich, und als ich schon fast keine Antwort mehr erwarte, bekomme ich doch noch eine.

"You know, the quicker we go to sleep now, the earlier we can have breakfast tomorrow – together".

Ich schaue wohl etwas dämlich, denn nun lächelt er schwach, während er aufsteht. Er hält mir die Hand hin, um mir hochzuhelfen, und sagt dabei

"I know that you will still be here tomorrow morning. That's the only comfort I have right now."

Ich muss schlucken. Ich will mir schon jetzt gar nicht vorstellen, wie schlimm die Tage nach diesem Treffen hier werden, sowohl für ihn als auch für mich.

It is almost 4 a.m. and I still haven't slept for a second. Not a surprise, really, given the circumstances, but I also know that if I leave this bedroom now, possibly to go search for Jasmin (and I hope that she is in bed and asleep, and not tossing and turning like I am... Oh well, who am I kidding? She's probably just as restless...), there will be no sleep at all tonight. And I need some sleep, I know I do; because I have barely slept the nights before today; I basically haven't slept since I knew that she would visit me today, or rather yesterday, it being 4 a.m.

Maite has noticed the dark circles under my eyes, although she didn't say anything. I really need to sleep. It would be horrible if Jasmin had to wait for hours for me to wake up tomorrow. I don't know how she manages with so little sleep, but she seems used to it. Probably the result of raising two kids. I didn't even ask her what she likes for breakfast, and I forgot to tell her to wake me if it gets too late. Should I place a note onto the kitchen counter? I just hope she will go search for some food once she is hungry and I am not around. I really should have told her to wake me once she is up. Or I should at least have asked her at what time she thinks that she will be up. But it's too late now, so I'd rather go to sleep and make sure I get up before her tomorrow. Or today.