Wounded Hearts (A Demi Lovato Fan Fiction)

Chapter 85

-Addy's POV-

"Ash" I uttered. My voice was croaky, and breaking. I could hardly keep in my tears, and when Ashleigh rushed towards me with her arms wide open, I broke down in her embrace.

This was the first time I had ever let her see me this vulnerable. She didn't force me to stop crying, she was just there for me, and I was so thankful for that.

Once my tears lessened, I wiped them away and gave her a small smile. She gave me a sad look, and I sighed. I knew she would want to talk about this and there was no escaping it.

I shut the open books on my desk, and grabbed my phone.

"Starbucks?" she asked, hopeful.

I smiled, Caelum and Ashleigh were both obsessed with Starbucks. I nodded in response, and when I went downstairs I let Demi know that I'd be back by 8:00.

We walked to Starbucks in silence. All the way there my thoughts were constant and almost racing.

What was I going to tell her?

What if she hated me now?

Would she tell Caelum?

Would Caleum leave me?

What would I do without either of them?

"Addy!" Ashleigh called, shaking me back to reality.

I blinked once then twice and when I fully returned to reality, I found myself in front of the Starbucks door. Ashleigh was already half inside, and was holding the door open for me.

"Sorry. I-I zoned out" I said, walking in. She left the door handle as I walked in, letting the glass door close on it's own.

"It's alright" she said, and we walked to the counter.

She ordered herself a Caremel Frappe while I ordered myself the unsweetened Iced Green Tea.

We sat at a quiet table in the corner, and I fiddled with my fingers. Ashleigh sighed and held my hand. I instantly stopped fiddling and looked at her.

"Why did you do it Addy?" she questioned, clearly referring to my self-harm.

See that question, it was always the worst. It always tripped me up and even though I knew why I did it, not many people understood.

"Ash...I-I needed a release okay? I needed to feel something other than my emotional pain" I answered.

"So you decided that cutting your skin open was the best option?" she interrogated, her choice of words stinging me.

I guess the hurt was evident on my face because Ashleigh quickly clamped a hand over her mouth.

"I-I'm sorry Addy...It's...it's just that-" she tried to explain, but I shook my head stopping her.

"I get that you're probably mad at me or disappointed with me. I just need you to know that I never ever wanted you to see that dark part of me. I need you to know that-that I'm sorry" I muttered, my voice breaking again.

"Oh Addy..." Ashleigh said softly. "I know you are" she said. "But I need you to know that you aren't alone in this. I'm here for you, you don't ever have to hide something from me" she added.

I smiled through my escaping tears. I wiped them away, hiding my face quickly when the waiter arrived with our drinks.

"Thank you Ash. I love you" I said, smiling slightly.

"I love you too, Addy. And don't listen to what Aurora says, she's just jealous."

I rolled my eyes, "Why would Aurora be jealous of me? She's everything I'm not. She's everything I want to be"

"You don't get it Addy. Yeah, she might be beautiful and she looks perfect all the time but her personality is cold. But you...you are everything she isn't because you're so much more than that. You've been through so much and yet you're kind. She knows that you have a personality she can never have and that's exactly what she hates. You're not just beautiful on the outside Addy, you're beautiful on the inside too and Aurora despises that"

I cracked a smile, "If only I really was beautiful Ashleigh..." I started.

"Hey! Stop that. You are beautiful, Addy. You really are"

I shook my head, feeling pangs of hurt as my demons taunted- she's lying, she's lying, she's lying, over and over again.

"Addy...I'm gonna ask you something and I want you to tell me the truth okay?" Ashleigh said cautiously.

I gulped nervously, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion. I nodded, pushing my tea aside.

"D-do you have an eating disorder?" she hesitated.

I kept quiet mainly because my brain was trying to process how in the hell had she figured it out. I had kept it hidden so well, she wasn't supposed to know!

"Addy, tell me. Please" she begged, her eyes filled with worry.

"W-why would you think that Ash?" I asked, instead of answering her.

She sighed, "Because I have never seen you have a proper meal. At school, during lunch, you're either at the library reading, or in class doing your homework or you just say you're not hungry. We've been friends for more than six months now and I have never seen you eat"

She looked at me with earnest eyes, her grey pupils digging deep into my hazel ones.

"Even now...you picked the lowest calorie drink on the menu" she stated.

"I-I do not have an eating disorder Ash. You're crazy" I gave out a nervous chuckle.

"Then prove it" she challenged.

My eyes widened, "What? H-how am I supposed to prove it Ash?"

"Buy a sandwich and finish it" she said.

"You know what I'll buy it for you" she said, and got up.

Shit, shit, shit!

I grabbed her arm, cursing under my breath. "Okay okay...you're right Ash. I-I do have an eating disorder" I revealed, caving in easily. 

Sadness flashed across her face and I fought to keep my burning tears in. I was becoming a burden to everyone.

"I'm sorry Ashleigh. I really am, I'm sorry" I repeated, over and over again.

"Hey hey hey, don't apologize. It's okay Addy, I'm not going to stop being your best friend. I'm going to help you through this, I promise" she stated, gripping on my hand.

"Y-you will?" I stuttered.

"Of course" she said, giving me her signature smile.

"You're not mad at me?"

"To be honest, I did get a little mad but seeing you struggle so much just to admit that you have an eating disorder, it did make me feel guilty. But, you need to able to rely on me. You need to open up to us; to me, even to Caelum. We're all going to be there for you, no matter what"

The knots in my stomach loosened, my heart beats returned to normal and I smiled slightly, "What would I have done without you?"

She chuckled at that, while I smiled bigger. Even though Asheligh knew my deepest secrets, everything felt normal. I was lucky to have her in my life, not many people get such a great best friend like I did.
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