DEAR CONNOR

I WISH I WASN'T ME

DIANA'S P.O.V

"Good morniiiiiing!!!" I jumped to Ariana while she's still sleeping. Yesterday's show might be killing her so today I woke up earlier. Which on a scale 1-10, it happens 0,01 times per year.

"Ouch! Who are you..." Ariana protested.

"Hey, it's me! You got amnesia or something?" I jumped higher on her bed.

"Okaaaay alright! What do you want?"

"Nothing!" I stick my tongue. "Just to make sure that you're alive."

"Look. This is my today's alarm. I still have 30 more minutes to go." She threw me that small box.

"Queen..." I rolled my eyes.

I decided to let Ariana sleep longer until her alarm's beeping. I looked around the entire room. She got the cleanest room of the year, probably. Ariana loves pink so everything in her room is literally pink, or soft pink, or bright pink. It's kinda different with mine. I got whole black and white stuff.

I was about to go out of her room, until her laptop attracted my eyes. It's opened, and she appeared online. I took a look at it. Well, clumsy one, Ariana let her webcam activate. I could just shut it down but she might be doing something important with that, and it would be really rude to use her laptop just like that. So I placed it again on the desk.

Connor:

Morning sleepyhead, I know you're there.

Oh.

I stared at the sleeping Ariana. She's got...literally everything. Her life is maybe the one people have wanted to. In this family, everybody 'works' for Ariana. Nobody would let her down. Even Mom once said that I should take care of her emotion by giving up on every girl fight, let her win over stuff she wants. Practically, she's the queen. And I'm not lying. I never am jealous of her. But this one is the one I wish she would never take away from me either.

"Sissy!" Ariana shocked me while I was making toast.

"Hey!" Score one for the fake Diana.

"What are you making?"

"Toasts, you want some, huh?"

"Sure!" She happily walked to take her towel.

"Where you going, sweety?"

"Um...nowhere." She ate the strawberry from the fridge.

"Liar." I rolled my eyes.

"Ahahaha you know me soooo well! Uhm...I'm...having...uh...no I'm just gonna take a walk with Connor." She swallowed her first toast.

"Con...nor... Oh! Connor? That Before You Exit guy?" I tried to look excited.

"Uh-ha. Is it bad?" She frowned.

"No Ari, not at all. He's a good guy. You deserve him." I winked at her and used the whole power in my body to not choke while drinking this milk.

"I'm wondering what would fans talk about us..." She stared at me. "Are we match to each other?"

"Oops, somebody has a cruuuush!" I tickled her. "Ariana, please, you can just point at any guy you want. And this guy, I tell you, is the best guy."

"How could you be so sure?"

"Because I want the very best for my sister. Now go! Shower! Snap snap snap!" I made her running upstairs.

"Tell Connor I'll be downstairs in 20, Dee! Thanks!" Ariana closed her door.

Which means Connor will be here in any minutes? Nice. I want to bury myself on the wall. I rushed on cleaning up the dining table after breakfast, then lied down on the couch watching cartoons. I heard Ariana's voice coming from her room. Typical. And heck, why can't I stand over a single good channel on the earth?

"It's Connor! May I come in?"

Connor spoke through the alarm that Dad put on the gate. By that signal, I opened the gate automatically by pressing the button here in the living room. I remained silent. Too silent.

"Morning." His deep voice came inside the house.

"Morning." I replied shortly.

"Can I join you?"

"Ariana's will be here in 5." I kept staring on the TV.

"You're mad at me." He cleared his throat.

"Don't be so sure about that." I didn't bother to look at him.

"I hate it when we always talk like this. I want longer conversation. The normal one." He sighed.

"You can't always get what you want." I took over the remote from the table and started looking for good channel again.

"And you didn't sleep last night." He tried to look at me in the eyes.

"Why would you care either?" I confronted. "Stop making me confuse with that mysterious role that you're playing, Connor."

"I act this way because I don't know what the heck is happening to you since yesterday! You drive me nuts!" He whispered.

"You just have to take care of my sister. Everything else is less important. Got it?" I reminded him.

"That means a lot." He repositioned himself on the couch, looked upset.

"Depends on how you see it." I walked away to the stairs. "Sweety, Connor's here!" And yelled to Ariana's room.

"Be there in a minute!" She yelled back.

I said nothing to Connor but walked to the kitchen to drink some water even though I'm not thristy I didn't eat anything since last night. And today's toasts, Ariana ate it all. That milk, I threw it up. Nothing worked on my body system lately and I started to hate myself.

"Stop throwing up your foods." Connor murmured.

"I didn't! I just can't eat, alright?" I answered him. Yeah, he saw me throwing up again at the kitchen's bathroom. No he didn't actually see me. He heard it.

"Let me help." Connor walked up and brought me a glass of hot water."

"Thank you but you don't have to." I shook my head.

"I said, drink." He put the glass in front of me so I drank it.

"Ready to...leave." Ariana's expression changed just a second after she realized that Connor and I were in the kitchen. "Are you okay, Diana?"

"Uhm, yeah, I'm fine." I smiled widely. "Don't worry about me. I'll be alright."

"You sure?" She's concerned.

"Positive. It might be from the beach last night." I shook my head.

"Hang on." Ariana ran upstairs to my room, and came back with a sweater. "Wear this all the time. You're freezing."

"Sure...sure okay, I get this. Go, you might be running late." I hugged Ariana.

"Dee..."

"Hey, stop it. I don't like that expression." I pinched her nose. "Go."

"Call me if you need something, okay?"

"Aye aye." I laughed. "Be safe and...have fun!" I waved at them as Connor drove the car away from the gate.

Once they left, I took my laptop and sit in the living room. I tweeted on my secret account too. I posted some pictures from yesterday's show. Got too many positive response.

And suddenly I got an idea of writing something on my laptop which again, only me and God know. I took a deep breathe, made the deepest locked folder on it, and started typing.

Dear you...