DEAR CONNOR

LONELINESS

DIANA'S P.O.V

"Good afternoon.  I want to meet Doctor Cory."  I spoke to the receptionist.

"And you are?"  She asked politely.

"Uhm..."  I tried to remember what Doctor McCain might say to Doctor Cory about my name.  It could be so many.  "Diana Hawkins?"

"Diana...  I'm sorry Miss there's only Diana Grande on my list."  She shook her head.

"Oh right.  It's my name too."  I chuckled.

"So is it Grande or Hawkins?"  She smiled.

"It's actually the same, but could you please change it to Diana Hawkins?  I'm trying to not using Grande in Australia.  I mean it matches my student card too."  I raised both eyebrows.

"Sure sure.  Changing it."  She printed out a hospital card for me.  "Here.  Go straight to the elevator.  He's at the 18th floor in the door on your right."

"Thank you very much...?" 

"Clarissa."  She shook my hand.

"Clarissa.  Thank you again."  I left her to the elevator.

Well I introduced you my whole life then.  Here, at this hospital, at this specific 18th floor, with Doctor Cory.  Now you know where to find me.

"Excuse me, Doctor Cory?"  I knocked his room and soon found around 35 year-old guy in white doctor suit.

"Miss Grande?  Come in."  He smiled widely.

"Uhm it's Hawkins, if I may."  I bowed my head politely.

"Sure."  He asked me to sit.  "But may I know why?"

"Grande is my step parents' name.  And I think I want to use my real name, since I've figured it out."  I smiled.  "Oh and besides, it's hard to live with Grande name when everybody asks about your sister."

"Oh!  That."  Doctor Cory rolled his eyes.  "Reasons accepted."

"Thank you very much."  I laughed.

"So...how's it going?  McCain called me again 2 hours ago, to make sure that you're here and having the most protective treatment I can do."  He took my medical history.

"Uh...yeah, true.  I want to know my real condition right now."  I suddenly was nervous.

"Shall we check?"  He asked his nurse to prepare the bed and I climbed onto it.  "Well..."

"Is it bad already?"  I knew.  From that expression, I knew.

"How long did it take you to get here?"  He asked in a serious tone.

"Few months.  I had to give my parents the best reason why I want to go to Melbourne."  I explained.

"Why don't you tell them?"  He put down his tools.

"It's a long story.  I don't want them to.  I'm 20 anyway.  I have rights."  I replied awkwardly.

"Okay.  It's your decision Diana.  I just want you to know that this treatment may take forever."  Doctor Cory showed me something on his computer.  "You need unlimited treatment which also needs time.  I'm afraid you can't go back to US as soon as you think."

"Think?  I don't think I would go back to the The States, Doctor.  Do what you really want to do.  Put me in your inpatient room, whatever."  I cracked up.

"Look.  This is a serious disease.  You've already had some symptoms.  You just got thyroid, your blood pressure is low so we can tell you have anemia.  I don't know, is your period okay now?"  He wrote down the symptoms on a paper.

"Yeah.  I have had it late."  I bowed my head.

"Okay...  I'll give you some prescription that you should consume regularly.  We gotta see how it works."  Doctor Cory wrote some complicated medicine names on his prescription.

"Alright."  I sighed.

"Here."  He handed to the nurse.  "She'll take care of you at the pharmacy."

"Thank you.  And uhm...I really want to know first Doc.  Do you really think this will work?"  I held my breath.

"Diana, there's always a chance..."  He stood up to hug me.

"No no no.  I know it.  But I mean, is there even really a chance?"  I cried harder.

"You're not alone..."  Doctor Cory gave me the most comfortable hug.  "We'll face this together.  Make the most precious things in your life before anything.  Be happy."

I was about to complain to him about my life but he has nothing to do with anything I've decided.  I might be living miserably right now without any friends, but I've chosen this way.  As much as I wanted to hate people, it's not how it is.

"I'm trying."  I nodded.

"Okay."  He swept his tears away.  "Can you prepare yourself for 2 days later?  I want to make further check up on your condition.  It will take few days."

"Means I'll be in here for a while?"  I stared at the distance.  You know I hate hospital.

"Yeah.  I'm sorry."  He took my bag.

"It's okay.  I can handle it.  Thank you Doctor Cory."  I gave him the goodbye hug.

"You're welcome and bye bye.  Take care."  He waved.

It's getting even real everyday.  In 2 days I'll be having check up.  No time to Skype Tanya anymore.  No time to think about Orlando anymore.  From now on, it's about struggling to live everyday.  I should be alive, that's what they asked me.  I miss Connor like heck I can't stop crying inside.  But is there even any choice for me to miss him?  Does he really feel the same?  Oh right.  He's Ariana's boyfriend.