DEAR CONNOR

UNDENIABLE FEELINGS

TANYA'S P.O.V

"My gssh..."  I cried against Riley's chest so hardly.

"I know, I know..."  He stroked his fingers through my hair.

"I don't know...  I'm gonna miss her so much..."  I tried to stop crying.

"It's okay Tanya, you wanna cry, just cry.  We all are sad for her."  Toby came toward me and accompanied me with Riley.

"Thanks guys, you're really helpful.  We should get over this and like help her anytime she needs."  I finally can breathe normally.

"What?  Does she need help?  What happen?"  Toby raised an eyebrow.

"No no no, I mean if ever she needed any help, we should do it."  I shook my head.

"Oh, right, of course I would like to."  He nodded.

"So do I."  Riley joined.  "Come on, shall we go home?"

"Sure."  I smiled awkwardly.

I walked inside Riley's hug until we got it to the car.  Ariana and Connor were already there.  I walked slowly as Riley left me to open my door, to see Connor's expression through the car window.  He's the one I should pay more attention to.  I know Connor's feeling.  We do feel it.  But his broken heart and uncried tears, I understand it all.

"Come on, watch your step."  Riley helped me climbing in.

"Okay.  Let's go home Con."  Toby noted.

"What now?"  We suddenly heard Ariana's high tone.  "You act like a jerk, you know that?  You don't think I'm sad about this farewell just because I didn't cry that much?"

"I don't say so!"  Connor replied with another deep but high tone.

"Wow."  Riley shook his head.

"Really guys, now?"  Toby sighed.  "I need coffee.  You better drive, bro."

"Alright."  Connor tossed the key then drove out of the airport carpark.

"Insane."  Ariana chuckled sassily.

"Stop it.  Not now.  They don't have to hear it."  Connor spoke like a statue but still driving.

"What's worst than fighting with your own boyfriend at the day when your sister gone?  Nothing."  Ariana kept talking to herself.  I can understand now how piss off Connor was.  She didn't have to say those things.

"Drama, drama, drama."  Connor shook his head.

"My holy goodness can you guys stop?  This isn't funny.  We're sad but this is unnecessary."  Riley commented.

"Thank you very much."  Connor nodded.  "That's what I'm talking about."

"Yeah?  Just so you know, Ri.  Connor has..."  Ariana led the fire again.

"Gosh!"  I shouted.  Both of them were shocked.  "Enough!"

"That's right."  Toby threw his sight over the window.

"Thank you."  I calmed down because Riley pulled my hand.

We ended up drove in silence, went to Starbucks before home.  It's crazily weird already, about all stuff that happened.  And I don't need it, no more drama.  I know what they're talking about actually.  It's about Connor who acted too odd in front of Ariana.  Then Ariana found it out.  The disaster happened since 2 hours ago.  And we never know when they will stop.  Riley sighed here and there, logged in on his Twitter.  Toby played game to kill his tension.  I was stuck in the middle except having Riley and Toby's hands stroking my hair over and over again.  We're good at the back.  Except this couple.  They sit between the frozen ice.

"Coffee, anyone?"  Riley asked no one in particular.

"I'll go get it."  Ariana climbed out.  "What's for you, sweetheart?"

"Uhm...hot chocolate is fine.  Thank you Ari."  I smiled.

"Hmm, don't mention it."  Ariana shook her head.  "And you?"

"My usual."  Connor looked away but hey at least he spoke.

"Okay."  She went inside the store.

"I'm going out."  Toby followed Ariana.

"Are you okay?"  Riley asked me before joining them. 

"Hmm.  I'm fine."  I smiled again.

Nice.  It's only Connor and I in the car.  I can feel it, Connor was about to tell me the whole freaking feelings that he felt now.  And I know it's not gonna be easy.  I might cry.

"I'm sorry..."  Connor finally burst out cried.

"It's okay Con."  I put my hand on his shoulder.  "I know..."

"This isn't cool at all.  I'm not fine at all."  He tried to hold the tears.

"I completely understand.  And I'm sorry for Ariana too.  She's just seeing this as the oddest thing ever.  Because however, she's right."  I shook my head.

"I know, she's not wrong at all.  It's all my fault.  I should have discovered this feeling way before she left."  Connor stared at the distance.

"It's not likely we knew she would leave..."  I smiled.

"I wish I could be with her.  Something's not right and I can feel it."  He took a deep breath.

"Con...  If I may...  Just act normally and decide.  What you want to do now.  I know, deep inside you, nothing's wrong with Ariana.  You had best times in your life with her and you know it.  But no one would push you to push her either.  You guys deserve better.  If everything just goes too wrong right now, then take a break.  Stay away from each other for a while.  Wait and see, what you will feel.  If you miss Ariana more than Diana, then you know what to do.  Both of them are precious.  I've known them since we were kids.  It's not likely I can choose one for you.  But you know what to do. Don't kill yourself for something you didn't know that it will come.  Not your fault you love Diana too, now.  She's lovely.  Just exactly like Ariana." 

I said it out loud and clear.  Hopefully he'll know what to do after today. It's killing me to see him dying because of his undeniable feeling to both of them.  But I can't blame Ariana either.  She loves Connor step by step.  They had that time when they figured out.  Slowly.  Until the decision has made.  Diana is an additional part of his love story, which he didn't see it was there.  Or he has realized, but he shut it down because he thought he could leave it behind.

"Thank you..."  Connor hugged me.

"It's nothing Con, my pleasure to help."  I hugged back.  "Now, cheer up?"

"Yeah."  He sighed and smiled.  "I'm trying to do what you said to me."

"Sure.  You'll figure out."  I hugged him once again.

"I just...love her..."  Connor whispered.

"Trust me, she loves you too...  But not everything we want it to happen, can happen the way we want it."

Then we were distracted by three of them who were running back to the car.  I stayed in silence, back to my seat.  I stared back to the distance and swept away my tears.

Hey Diana, this one is for you.  I mean, look, the person you've sacrificed to, is loving you back.  He's the all reason about  this Melbourne plan, isn't he?