Heart 1: Teared Heart

CHAPTER 33

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ZIDIOUS TOPAZ'S POV

Loosing her is like loosing myself.

Loosing my Mom is like loosing myself but why does Zaria affects me the same way?

She's the second girl I wanted to stay here by my side. Siya ang ikalawang babae na bumuo sa'kin. Mom fixed me from zero but Zaria fixed me from my broken pieces.

Maybe that's a little reason why I fell in love with her. That reason isn't enough to describe the reason of why I fell for her.

Maybe because of her gestures?

Maybe because she cares for me?

Maybe because I can see Mom in her?

Or maybe because of her presence that makes my heart pounds so hard. Maybe because of her presence that makes me happy. Maybe because of her presence that makes my day complete.

I don't know.

I still don't know my fucking reason why I fell for her. A lot of maybes but still, those maybes aren't enough.

Ganito ba talaga kakomplikado ang magmahal? Masarap sa pakiramdam sa t'wing nandiyan siya. Pakiramdam ko lagi, ako na ang pinaka-masayang lalaki sa mundo. Lahat sa akin lumalambot kapag nand'yan siya. I can't explain my feelings when she's here in my hands. I feel so complete.

But why does the blood of the girl I love is the reason of my Mom's death?

I keep telling to myself that she's innocent. She's fucking innocent. Pero bakit hindi ko matanggap?

Gumuho ang mundo kasi muli na namang naging komplikado ang lahat. Parang gusto kong bumalik sa dating ako na halos bente kwatro oras na nilulunod ang sistema ko sa alak para makalimot ng lungkot. I'm too sad not just because of my Mom's death but also because of the blood flowing in Zaria's veins.

Sa t'wing pumapasok sa utak ko ang umiirap niyang mata, sa t'wing naalala ko ang pagtataray niya, parang hindi ko kayang magalit sa kaniya kahit dugo pa niya 'yan pero bakit hindi ko matanggap? Bakit hindi ko makaya na dugo niya pa? Na pamilya niya pa?

"M-Manang?" I asked between my sobs on Manang's shoulder.

"Oh? Iiyak mo lang 'yan, totoy. Gagaan din 'yan," saad niya habang hinahagod ang likod ko.

Nakaupo kami pareho sa kama ng kwarto ko habang nakayakap ako sa kaniya at iniiiyak ko ang lahat sa balikat niya. My second Mom--Manang Vicky.

"Manang, it was like I'm b-between Mom and t-the girl I l-love. It w-was like He's m-making me c-choose between the two. But Manang... I can't." I asked while my fave is still buried on her shoulder with sobs and falling down tears.

Ang sakit.

"No, Topaz. You're wrong. Hindi ka N'ya papipiliin. Sabi nga di ba lahat ng nangyayari may dahilan? Siguro nangyayari lang 'to para subukin ang pagmamahal mo sa kaniya." She said while rubbing my back.

"Bakit kasi gano'n ang tadhana, Manang? Kung sino pa ang mahal ko. There are many girls there but w-why Z-Zaria?" Lalong bumigat ang dibdib ko sa sarili kong tanong dahilan para lalong magbagsakan ang mga luhang naglalaman ng hinanakit.

"Topaz, totoy, siguro pinaglalaruan lang kayo ng tadhana. Pero alam ko na tadhana na rin ang lalaban para sa inyong dalawa. 'Wag kang mag-alala, Topaz, dahil kakampi niyo ang tadhana. Pero sana 'wag kang magdadalawang-isip na lumaban kapag ikaw na ang ginamit niyang armas."

"What do you mean, Manang?" Kunot ang noo akong tumunghay sa kaniya dahil sa kalaliman ng sinasabi niya.

"Someday, you'll understand," she winked at me, smiling sweetly. "By the way, may hindi ka sinasabi sa'kin!" Parang nagtatampo niyang singhal habang magka-krus ang braso sa harap ng dibdib niya.

"Ano 'yon, Manang?" Naglalambing kong tanong habang iniyayakap ang braso ko sa bewang niya.

"Heh! Magtigil ka d'yang bata ka! In love ka na pala pero hindi mo sinasabi sa'kin," I let out a little chuckle while wiping away my tears. She's so cute while pouting. "Siya ba 'yong nagtanim ng chikinini d'yan sa leeg mo? Awiee~ naka-iskor ka na ba?" Umiling ako. "Very good! Dahil kung hindi, puputulin ko 'yang bayag mo!"

Hindi ko maiwasang mapahalakhak kahit nasasaktan ako. Manang really know how to divert the topic. Hayst.

"Teka, bababa muna ako at maghahain na ako sa mesa. Sumunod ka kaagad, ah?" Tanong niya habang nagsisimula nang tumayo. She was about to open my room's door when I asked her attention.

"Manang!"

"Oh?"

"T-Thank you," I smiled bitterly at her at parang hinipo ang puso ko nang kindatan niya ako. I let out a bitter chuckle. Kahit papaano, gumaan.

Gumaan lang pero hindi pa rin nababawasan. My feeling's weight is different from my feeling's pain.

Huminga ako ng malalim before I enter my bathroom. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Masakit pero masaya naman ako kasi kahit papaano, may dumamay sa'kin.

Kaagad kong inayos ang sarili after taking a quick bath. I wear my white sando and short. I don't know how to face my Dad.

I'll try to ask for Zaria's safety for the second time. I'll try to beg for Zaria for the second time, that I never did before.

"You can do it, Zidious. You can do it, Zidious." I'm telling to myself--chanting.

--

"Zaria is already in her condo," pagbasag ni Dad sa katahimikan sa harap ng hapag.

My heart is beating so darn fast. I'm fucking nervous but for Zaria. I can do it.

I know that Dad was just eaten by his anger. He's just out of himself. I know that he'll consider my Zaria as innocent.

"Pero hindi ka na pupunta sa condo mo. Iiwasan mo na siya. Lalayuan. Parang hindi mo siya kilala. Parang wala kayong pinagsamahan," Dad blankly stated na parang gumuho ang mundo ko.

"B-But, Dad--!"

"No buts!" He cut me off. "Zaria's blood is still the reason of our miserable life now!" His face becomes darker with anger but I fought my fear. "Hinding-hindi ko sila mapapatawad hangga't hindi ko nabibigyan ng hustisya ang Mommy mo!"

"But, Dad, this is not what you call jus--!"

"I SAID, NO BUTS!"

Napayuko na lang ako sa takot. He's angry--too angry.

"I'm in love with her, Dad! I love Zaria! She's innocent!" I bravely insisted.

"Lalayuan mo siya o papatayin ko ang babaeng 'yan?" Nangigigil niyang tanong na para bang wala kami sa harap ng pagkain. And that question makes my world broke into pieces again.

Anong nangyayari sa'yo, Dad? Zaria is innocent!

Kung hindi nga Niya ako pinapapili sa dalawa kagaya ng sinabi ni Manang. What's the reason of this?! Ano ba para matapos na! Para naman tadhana na ang lumaban para sa'min!

I don't want to loose the girl I love for the second fucking time!

What will I do?

Was giving up is my best way to fight?

  

  

 

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