Untai Aksara Tentang Kita

Tell Me

In the middle of the night,
we danced in the refrigerator light,
saw the entire world with a big smile,
yet in fact we just stared at each other's eyes.

So, just tell me,
how can I love,
again?

Biked to the farthest place for ice creams,
at 12 PM all the roads we just screamed,
got all of the happiness to knew each other breathe,
yet in fact our world had been gone for so long than we could ever imagine.

Had a conversation at 12 AM,
'cause those f*cking past couldn't leave us to just sleep on the bed,
talked about logical fallacies we found that day just to forget,
then realized nothing could ruin us 'cause each other's there.

So, just tell me,
how can I trust,
again?

Baked at your kitchen after school,
flour's everywhere that your mom took our books,
then we just ignored her and ate every chocolate on your refrigerator and sang out loud,
so your mom gave them back and we would be so proud.

Read some books in the early evening,
discussed them 'till your sister got bored for seeing,
then had a cup of coffee and talked about everything happened,
and instantly knew our gorgeous future was wide open.

So, just tell me,
how can I live,
again?

'Cause now, there you are,
lying in peace with a fully broken heart,
leave the world that has totally ruin you,
let the leukemia wins right after "I love you".

And here I am,
missing your laugh, your soul, your eyes, and your breath,
cut myself a million times with your ghost beside my bed,
dancing in the dark with all of the memories of you in my head.

Every single second I beg,
I was never a religious person yet I pray,
for you to come back even just for a sec,
'cause I'm dying and you're the only one can always understand.

Every single second I wonder,
why the simplest thing we dream can never happen,
why you're gone when you've been through too many sh*t yet can't even have a little longer life,
why can't we just live with our gray hair, grandchildren, lullaby for them at night.

I just want you to breathe,
no matter the others constantly try to ruin,
no matter there's no chocolate left in this world,
no matter we can't bike any further.

It's not funny at all,
when you said how frightened you are to leave me alone,
when I heard your death and automatically got nothing left,
then suddenly knew my future won't ever has its home; my life plans will never happen.

It's not even a joke,
when I say I'm dying all alone,
extremely bored trying to socialize,
'cause I just need you, Darling--need you so bad that I lose my voice to scream.

I need you to count the stars at night,
I need your eyes to know I have the most comfortable home in my life,
I need your voice to fall asleep,
and I need you to f*cking breathe.

I need you,
please,
I'm f*cking need you!

Pati, July 24, 2019