𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 ⚣ 𝙘𝙩𝙝+𝙖𝙛𝙞 ✔

74

this is the same day, just later

-

hemmotional: ash, are you doing okay?

[ astroash is online ]

astroash: um
astroash: how much do you know?

hemmotional: everything, i think

astroash: oh
astroash: then there's no point lying
astroash: i'm not good

hemmotional: do you want to talk?

astroash: about what?
astroash: my whole life is falling apart and there isn't anything that you can do to fix it

hemmotional: it's not my job to fix it
hemmotional: do you know why calum is upset at you

astroash: because i'm an unlovable fuck up that doesn't deserve anything good
astroash: and anything good that i have i manage to lose

hemmotional: none of those things are true
hemmotional: he thinks you don't trust him
hemmotional: you're in pain and you refused to tell him so he thinks it's his fault
hemmotional: he wants to fix you but he can't because you won't tell him what's wrong

astroash: i needed him to think i was okay so he wouldn't worry
astroash: neither of us are in good shape upstairs, but i felt the need to make sure he was doing fine before i even considered my own emotions

hemmotional: you do realize that he only cares about you, right?
hemmotional: he only wants you to be happy, and it hurts that you aren't

astroash: it doesn't matter how i feel as long as he's happy

hemmotional: you fucking idiot

astroash: excuse you?

hemmotional: he isn't gonna be happy until you are
hemmotional: listen man
hemmotional: you're supposed to care about yourself too
hemmotional: you love him a lot and i understand that, but it's hard to care for someone when you can't love yourself

astroash: i have never loved myself

hemmotional: but people love you

astroash: ...

hemmotional: ash if you don't know that calum fucking loves you then you're an idiot
hemmotional: he never shuts up about it
hemmotional: michael loves you
hemmotional: he told me about 20 times earlier
hemmotional: and i haven't known you as long, but i really do care about you

astroash: i..
astroash: thank you?

hemmotional: but you're stupid if you thought that a relationship could work out when you both hated yourselves but love each other unconditionally
hemmotional: i'm not saying that it won't work out, that you can't fix it
hemmotional: but you gotta try
hemmotional: you need to fucking fix this shit 'cause he's my best friend and i'm not letting you break his heart

astroash: okay i know i seem like an asshole but i love him more than anything and i'd let you kill me before i even thought about hurting him

hemmotional: good

astroash: so now you know i'm sad
astroash: what the fuck are you gonna do about it

hemmotional: what the fuck am i gonna do about it?
hemmotional: you're a grown ass man ash, not everything can be done for you
hemmotional: we can help but sometimes you have to do shit on your own