𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 ⚣ 𝙘𝙩𝙝+𝙖𝙛𝙞 ✔

79

just thought we needed to appreciate this photo

trigger warning : mentions suicide

i listened to more while i wrote this :(

-

Ashton's back was rested against the headboard of his bed, the thin white sheet was bunched up around his waist and soft breaths escaped his lips as he tried to calm himself down.

Calum lay beside him, combing his fingers through Ashton's sweat-dampened hair as his chest rose and fell slowly.

It hadn't taken them long after reuniting to fall back into their old (kinky and sex-crazed) habits. Ashton had asked, and Calum had agreed. Calum didn't regret it, he'd actually missed being close with Ashton like that quite a lot.

Ashton however was questioning how good of a decision it was. He had wanted it, but he knew that they probably should've talked more about the state of their relationship before rushing into what they'd just done.

Despite his growing anxious thoughts, he didn't regret it. He loved the way they fit together. He loved how perfect Calum's hips felt in his hands, how elated he felt when his lips touched Calum's skin.

How his worries seemed to melt away when they became one.

He loved the way Calum said his name and how when they were together like that, everything seemed right.

Obviously, it wasn't enough to fix everything that was wrong, but it made things easier to forget, even if only for a little while.

"At least one thing's still good between us." Calum murmured softly, peppering light kisses along Ashton's shoulders immediately after his words.

Ashton merely grunted.

Calum's bright red lips hardly moved as he whispered, "Was I good enough?"

Ashton was a little shocked. Calum had never asked that before. Maybe because Ashton had always made him feel perfect (by complimenting him like crazy before, during and after their sexual activities) but now that he wasn't (and he hadn't at all this time in particular, which hurt Calum a lot), the younger lad felt insecure and simply used.

Ashton nodded absentmindedly, raised his arm and brought a cigarette to his lips. He lit it, took a long drag, then watched the smoke billow around their heads in the dark and cool room.

Calum was sort of satisfied with that answer. Normally after sex, Ashton would shower him with the sweetest kisses and compliment him like he'd never get the chance to again.

Calum accepted the fact that things were different. He accepted that he wasn't going to be kissed, held or spoken to the same.

But it still hurt.

"Since when do you smoke?" Calum quietly inquired, watching Ashton's lips part as smoke passed them once again.

"I can't remember." Ashton gruffly replied.

Calum sighed, "Okay."

A long silence fell over them. Calum hated it, and Ashton hated himself for it.

Ashton should've been talking to his love, assuring him that what they had done was not a mistake and that he loved him.

Instead, to break the silence, the first thing he said was, "I'm such a fucking idiot."

Calum bit his lip, "How?"

"This was a mistake..."

"Maybe it wasn't the smartest decision-" Calum sputtered out quickly. "But you don't regret it, do you?"