𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 ⚣ 𝙘𝙩𝙝+𝙖𝙛𝙞 ✔

75

[ astroash is online]

astroash: cally?

[ caluminthehood is online ]

caluminthehood: hi my love

[ caluminthehood is calling ]

-

"Ash, I'm so sorry for what I said yesterday." Calum apologized frantically as soon as Ashton answered the facetime. "I made it seem like you didn't deserve people caring about you, but that's so not true. I'm just really stressed, and I know it's not an excuse but—"

"Baby, it's fine. I promise." Ashton interrupted softly, making sure to enjoy every second that he saw Calum's beautiful face. "I was being an asshole. I shouldn't complain about having Mikey there for me. H-he could've just let me d-die."

His voice broke when he spoke that last sentence. It made Calum feel worse, if possible. He didn't want Ashton to think about what could've happened, because it hadn't happened, and Calum planned on keeping it that way.

"I know I'm not making you feel better, my love." Calum took a deep breath. "I know I'm stressing you out, and for that I'm sorry. But will you please tell me what's wrong?"

It was silent for a moment, then Calum whispered, "I want to help you get better. I need you to be o-okay."

"I can try." Ashton weakly replied.

"That's all I ask."

The older lad inhaled deeply. "I feel useless, like a w-waste of space. I don't know why, but everything just hurts so bad and no matter how hard I try, it doesn't get better."

Calum closed his eyes. The way that Ashton spoke and the way he looked when he spoke; Calum swore it broke his heart.

And Calum didn't know what to ask next, so he settled for, "Why does it hurt, Ashy?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know?" Ashton snapped rather harshly. As soon as the words left his lips, he slapped a hand over his mouth. "Shit, I'm sorry, I haven't slept in forever—"

"It's fine, baby." Calum cooed. "I understand."

"I can't sleep without you here-" Ashton shyly whispered.

"I know." The Maori lad agreed. "I'm the same way."

There was an awkward pause that both of them absolutely loathed. They could feel their relationship changing, and they didn't know if it was for better or for the worse. They wanted it to be the first option, but feared that it was more likely the latter. Calum opened his eyes before speaking again.

"Does this feeling have anything to do with your job?" He asked quietly, the awkwardness still hanging over him.

"Yes." Ashton replied desolately. "I did it because I had to, or I thought I did. They made me feel weak—I hurt so many people, and I feel awful..."

"But you didn't choose that job, my love."

Ashton dropped his gaze to the floor and let out a breathy noise that could've been laughter if he wasn't so sad. "Yes I did."

"You did?" Calum whispered, pain expressed clearly on his face. "Please explain."

Ashton knew that this wasn't going to end well for him, but Calum deserved an explanation. "I did owe Harry. I had to make it up to him. The last job was exactly that; the last job. But I...I chose to be doing it before then."

Calum wanted to scream because Ashton had lied to him, but the only response he could think of was to cry. "Please keep talking. Keep talking 'cause I don't know what I'll do if you don't."