𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 ⚣ 𝙘𝙩𝙝+𝙖𝙛𝙞 ✔

80

final chapter!!!

please don't hate me

and play the audio when i tell you to. or don't. tbh i'm expecting a full blown riot from y'all *nervous laughter*

{ trigger warning : mentions suicide & self harm }

yeah i'm sorry

please comment, it makes my day

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Ashton shot out of bed wearing a panicked grimace, shaking uncontrollably, and covered in a thin layer of sweat. He had the dream again. That dream. That fucking dream.

Ashton hadn't had that dream in months. He didn't know why he suddenly had it now. Where he couldn't get far enough away. Where he couldn't run fast enough; where he couldn't ever hide for long enough.

He always found him.

Ashton slowly peeled Calum's arms from his waist and climbed out of the bed. He watched Calum roll around slightly, watched the thin sheet shifting around his waist and heard him let out a soft groan as he searched for the warmth Ashton's body had brought. He needed someone to hold, specifically Ashton. Despite the night before, when he didn't particularly want Ashton near him, he needed the older man to be in his arms; he needed to know that he was safe.

Calum was adorable when he slept.
And Ashton wished he could smile at him. Ashton wished he had been better.
He dragged himself to the bathroom, placed his shaky hands on the counter and stared into the mirror at his reflection.
It was then that he realized he was crying.

"Pathetic." He whispered to himself, roughly wiping away the tears. He ran his hands through his hair and stared back into the mirror. "Fucking piece of shit."

"No you're not."

A low voice from the doorway startled Ashton. Calum had climbed out of the bed almost as soon as Ashton had. Despite their fighting (which was really just Calum yelling at Ashton) the night before, it was one of the best sleeps either of them had had in a while. Calum missed having someone to hold, and Ashton missed being held.

Calum stepped into the bathroom and moved cautiously towards his love. "Are you okay?"

"No." For more reasons than one.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?"

"No." He wouldn't understand.

"Okay." Calum nodded slowly. "Will you let me hold you?"

Ashton reluctantly agreed, but the dream was still all be could think about. Calum then pulled Ashton into his arms. Ashton was still staring sadly at his reflection in the mirror, but relaxed slightly when Calum's arms wound tightly around his waist and he hooked his chin over Ashton's shoulder.

Ashton sighed rather loudly. Calum noticed this and whispered a gentle "I love you," not knowing how to approach this problem.

Ashton only sighed again. Calum frowned as he watched Ashton's face through the mirror. "I'm beginning to think that it would actually kill you to say it back."

"I-I'm sorry, I...love you too." His voice quieted down to less than a whisper at those last words.

Calum closed his eyes. Ashton felt bad, but he knew that there wasn't a single sentence that could fix all of his mistakes. "I can hear that you don't mean it."

"I do mean it."

"But you used to, y'know, act like you loved me. Used to kiss me and hold me and make me feel special...I miss being treated like I'm worth it." Calum shook his head; his eyes remaining closed. "Nevermind. It doesn't matter."