My Bijou! A Maylor Love Story

Don't Try Suicide...Part 2

Brian's POV

"How are you feeling today Brian?"

Dr. Fischer met with me everyday.  He always started by asking how I was feeling. It felt like it was a loaded question.  I mean I obviously feel pretty bad if I'm stuck in this hospital after trying to hurt myself.  I'm obviously not doing well if I don't sleep and my bad thoughts won't stop long enough to let me breathe.  He asked me to be honest about everything and that this is a safe place to talk.  

"I'm feeling the same..."  I told him truthfully.  He nodded that he heard me and tapped his pen against the paper file in his lap.

"Do you want to tell me more about Tigs today?"  he asked me.  "You told me how you and Roger met and got together and we talked about the band and your family and friends.  When we last spoke , you explained how Tigs came to be in your life.  Yours and Roger's life.  Want to share more about that?"  he looked at me expectantly.  It's okay.  I like talking about her.  I love her so much.  Even though I'm not her father I feel like she is mine sometimes.  My baby.  Sometimes mine more than Rogers.  Though it feels bad to think like that.  He is her father.  For better or worse.

"So..Tigs got settled into our lives after Roger took her from Kim's mother."  I explained to him.  "We had a short break between touring and recording so it was good timing to get her then."

I remembered setting up her cot in the spare room and turning it into a nursery.  I did smile a little at the memory of making a home for her.  Despite our small flat we did create a nice space for her.

"Roger's Mum...Winnie...she stayed with us a few weeks to help us get adjusted to being parents and getting all the baby things she needed.  We had nothing and she was quite generous to us.."  I explained.  

""Do you like Roger's mother?"  Dr. Fischer asked me.  I smiled at him and nodded.

"I do.  Winnie has always been nice to me.  She never had anything bad to say to Roger or me about being together.  She's real supportive."  I answered.  He smiled back at me.  I guess he was happy to hear me say something positive.  He made a note on his file and prodded me to keep talking.

"So things were going well...that's good.."  he commented.  "How were you and Roger handling being instant parents?"  he asked me.

"At first, things seemed okay.."  I told him truthfully.  "Roger didn't want to be a parent but he seemed to try to embrace it as best as he could.  I know he felt thrust into all..."  I commented and felt my mind drift to a memory.  I could remember that one night and felt a knot in my stomach as the pain of that time resurfaced.  

"Brian?"  Dr. Fischer was talking to me and I pulled myself back to focus on him.

"Sorry..."  I told him.  He looked at me warmly and tapped his pen.  He always tapped that pen when he's trying to get me to stay focused on our conversation.  "I was thinking about when things started to go wrong.."  I said to him.  His eyebrows raised slightly and he shifted positions.  It made me a little anxious.  He was expecting something from me.

"Well...tell me first how you tried to embrace parenthood and then how things went wrong..."  he suggested.  I nodded slightly and bunched up the bottom of my shirt in my hands to have something to hold onto to. 

"Okay..."  I answered and he nodded to me gently.

"We had to make a new album...and we had to figure out what to do with Tigs when we worked..."  I explained.   

"What did you figure out?"  Dr. Fischer asked me.

"We figured out we needed a nanny.."  I actually heard myself laugh a little and the doctor smiled at me.  

"Did you find one?"  

"Yeah...it was a bumpy ride but we found a workable solution.."  I explained. 

"So you went to make an album...were things good then?"  he asked me.  I thought back to that time and couldn't help but smile.  Really smile.

"Yeah...things were great.."  I told him.

"Well let's start there.."