My Bijou! A Maylor Love Story

In Only Seven Days..Part 2

Day 4

29th February 1976 - Fort Wayne IN

Brian's POV

"What is there to do in Fort Wayne?  Anyone know?"  Everyone, including myself shrugged.  Freddie rolled his eyes at us all.   "Well..you're all worthless!"  he playfully whined to us and I smiled at his irreverence.  "Maybe I'll try to find a club or something..."  Freddie pondered as we sat in the dressing room and finished up our hair and makeup for the show.  Roger was pulling on his shoes and I saw him exchange an amused look with Freddie.  I wondered what they had been up to earlier today.  They were both acting secretive on the bus ride into town and Roger had disappeared with Freddie for a while after we arrived at the hotel.  I believe that Freddie was the one who took the photograph of Roger that he slipped in my book.  I wasn't sure how I felt about him cavorting naked in front of Freddie but my mild jealousy was over-ridden by the pleasure I received from his naughty photo.

I'm not sure what has got into Roger lately.  It must be his happiness at our reconciling.  He has been incredibly attentive and affectionate.  He is generally a thoughtful and caring person but it has been in overdrive lately.  I won't complain.  I like the care and comfort he has shown me.  Especially when I had that nightmare.  Roger was really there for me and wasn't embarrassed by my episode that I unfortunately had in front of the others.  It reminded me of the way Chrissie was when she was caring for me.  I guess the added benefit now is that it's from the one I really love.  My thoughts lingered on Chrissie for a moment.  On our last phone conversation.  She had called to tell me she arrived home safely.  We spent a few minutes with her telling me about her journey home but she quickly moved on to the subject of making plans for the future.  She was enrolling in a program to train to be a midwife.  She also mentioned what future we might have together.  I was thrilled she was taking a chance in life and going back to school to do something she always wanted to but was never brave enough to take on.  I had a lot of mixed feelings about her offer to me.  I was so flattered that she feels the way she does about me.  She is a wonderful and warm person and I care about her.  But I'm not in love with her.  I'm not even sure I love her as a friend.  I mean love her as a friend like I love Freddie or Deacy as a friend.  It's odd when I considered that the only women I really have in my life are my Mother, Roger's Mother, Clare and Tiger Lily.  I don't really have any female friends.  I was friendly with a few girls before Roger and I got together but the distance between us and our old flat mates widened quickly when we moved out.  It was partly our different lives, but also the fact that we couldn't tell them about us.  We trusted that information to Freddie.  Well, he caught us together so I guess that's the reason he knew though I'm sure we would have told him eventually.

Chrissie's offer loomed in my head.  So much of what she said made sense to me.  I understand her point that I am buying trouble for myself by choosing to be with Roger.  Everything about us being together is complicated and can be quite stressful.  But Chrissie isn't there to see the moments we have together.  Those quiet times when we are alone or just around those few close people who share our private world with us.  Mostly, it is our time where we are absolutely alone and it's me laughing at his humor or his sheer joy of life.  Loving his gentleness and his easy going manner when we share a lazy morning or afternoon in bed and listen to music and talk about everything or nothing at all.  His passion for what he loves in the world and his passion for me.  For us.  It's unbridled and beautiful.  Amazingly, there is a part of me that loves his anger.  His fierce loyalty to those he loves and his willingness to go the distance for what he believes in.  He is more often braver than me.  I envy his confidence and audacity.  His immense qualities.  I sometimes feel I am a better person because I am with him.  He makes me be courageous and bold.  It's certainly benefited me in my career.  I wouldn't be the performer I am without him at my side.  Holding the rhythm together for me and keeping me on course.  Through rock and a roll and through life.