My Bijou! A Maylor Love Story

Play The Game...Everybody Play The Game - Part 1

27th March 1980

Munich to Surrey

Brian's POV

My father would tell me I have nothing to complain about.  Maybe I don't.  I mean I've got a successful career and have made loads of money.  I really want for nothing these days.  I live in a beautiful house on a large estate.  I never imagined residing in a place like this.  I've been blessed with two wonderful children. A daughter and son who are both healthy and happy.  I have an amazingly supportive family despite decisions I've made that are challenging for most parents.  And I have Roger.  For ten years we have been in love and built a life together that most people dream of.  So with all these wonderful things to consider, why do I feel so empty inside when I look out the window into the darkness of the Munich night?  On the surface I seem fulfilled.  I try to believe that is how I feel.  I got everything I ever wanted, right?  I shouldn't feel this way.  I should be the happiest fucking man on this planet!   God - I hate it when I can't sleep!

Despite everything on my list of things that should remind I am a lucky man; the grayness of the skies and the loneliness of being in this place remain.  There hasn't been much sun these past weeks.  The streets are wet with snow or ice and there is no real color anywhere.  The buildings are monochromatic and lacking in personality.  At least the ones I see each day around where we are staying and working.  It almost feels industrial and antiseptic at times.  I miss the colors of home.  The golden hair of my children and the striking colors in their eyes.  The pink in their cheeks.  I need to hear their laughter and see the carefree abandon in their faces.  I want to touch their warm soft skin and smell how much they are just children.  Baby powder and soap and the essence of milk and biscuits.

I've decided I am not a big fan of winter; especially here in Munich.  Between the cold and the miserable weather it isn't ideal.  I would take ten days of straight rain stuck in my home over a day of the bleak feeling I have right now.  I need to quit looking out in the void of night and occupy my thoughts with something brighter.  Because I know better.  I've felt this same set of emotions before and know where it leads.  So I crept back to the bed and lifted the covers to get back under them.  Roger had turned on his side and was facing away from me.  Peaceful and content in sleep.  As he often is.  I envy that.  He had always been able to drift off so easily and remain dead to the world all night long.  I got comfortable and brought the duvet over my shoulders to warm me up.  I looked over at Roger in the low light of the room and tried to remember the good times we've had.  Something cheerful to make me smile and have better thoughts as I drifted off.  Because I have to shake off this feeling.  I have to find my smile and my spirit.  Tomorrow is so important and I need to be in a good place for it.  I reached out and ran my fingers over Roger's hair.  It was grounding and gave a bit of comfort.  I closed my eyes and hoped to be a in better place come morning.

28th March 1980

"Want some coffee?" Roger asked me as we waited to board the plane.  We had rose pretty early to catch the first flight to London.  Despite a heavy workload in the studio we had planned this time off to be home for Jimi's 3rd birthday.  I nodded as I yawned at him.  Roger grinned at my inability to stop yawning this morning.  Sleep had evaded me last night and I hoped to get some on the flight home.  Roger disappeared to get us our drinks and I slouched down in my chair.  I was too tired to read anything and hoped we wouldn't run into any fans.  I figured it was a small chance this time of morning in Germany.  I wanted to save my small amount of energy for my children.  

Roger returned and handed me the foam cup.  It was robust and did perk me up a little as they called for boarding.  We gathered our things and walked over holding out our boarding passes.  We just had a small carry on each since it was just a few days at home.  After getting settled I asked for a blanket and pillow as Roger pulled out a newspaper he purchased in the airport.  I had one last sip of my coffee and wrapped myself in the thin blanket.