My Bijou! A Maylor Love Story

I Just Want To Testify..Part 2

22nd September 1976

London/Surrey

Brian's POV

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't seem to let go of all the unresolved issues running through my mind. With everything up in the air about our relationship, trying to sleep in a bed where Roger should be next to me became too much. I glanced at the clock and saw it was after midnight. I sighed and considered taking a walk to clear my head. I got out of bed and pulled on my jumper over my pajamas, stepped into my clogs and went downstairs. I decided on something different and went to my study and pulled out my telescope. I went outside and took a stroll out to the middle of our vast lawn. I set the tripod up and wiped off the instrument with a cloth I kept in the case. I cleaned the lens and realized it had been ages since I lost myself in the stars. It was a clear night and I marveled at how much I could see from our back yard. So much more than I ever saw in the London sky. Maybe moving out here wasn't all bad!

I spent some time gazing through the viewer at some of my favorite constellations and wondered how different my life would be if I had stuck to astronomy. I was interrupted from my thoughts by the sound of a car coming up the drive. I knew it had to be at least 1 am in the morning. I left my telescope and walked towards the driveway as a mini cooper arrived to the parking area. I didn't recognize the car.  It  stopped and Roger stepped out. What is he doing here at this hour?  He saw me on the lawn and walked hurriedly my way.  I instantly felt anxiety rupture through my nervous system.

"Brian!" he said loudly as I walked back to my telescope in an attempt to ignore him.  I wasn't sure I could handle talking to him right now.  Unfortunately, he followed me.

"What are you doing here?"  I asked him as I stood next to my telescope and folded my arms across my chest and glared at him.  Roger approached me and stopped a few feet away.  I could tell from his expression he knew I wasn't thrilled to see him.

"Well..I do live here..."  he responded in a cavalier manner.  Him trying to make a joke right now was not going over well with me.  His tone cut me the wrong way.  He hasn't been here for days!

"You could have fooled me.."  I replied shortly to him and went to walk back to the house.  He ran up and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Alright...I get it....I'm a piece of shit Brian!"  he told me as I pushed his hand off me.  I turned to face him.  My anger on full display.

"You know what...this time I'm inclined to agree with you Rog....you are a piece of shit right now!"  His face registered surprise that I didn't try to counter his words.  I hate it when he refers to himself this way but this time I feel like he really is acting like it.  Roger seemed to struggle with what to say next.  I didn't care to give him any more of my time right now so I began walking to the house again.  I got a few feet and he grabbed me again.

"I am and you deserve so much better..."  he answered.  Oh!  I have to admit that he is right.

"You are right!  I do deserve better...which is why I'm not interested in listening  to anymore of your crap!"  I informed him and turned again to try and go inside.  Roger put his hand on me again and this time I was fed up.  I turned and shoved him away from me.  "Stop touching me!" I told him as I turned again to reach for the door.

"I just need you to stop and listen to me..." he pleaded.  I had my hand on the door handle and kept it there.  I was going to say my peace and then go to bed.  

"Stop and listen to what Rog?"  I asked him incredulously.  I raised my hands up in frustration and anger.  "For you to tell me how sorry you are that keep doing the same things over and over again despite the pain it causes me?  That I am supposed to forgive you?"  I barked at him.  "I seem to recall the last time we had this conversation, after I forgave you..do you remember what you said to me?"  I asked him.  Roger looked confused for a minute and then his face became sullen.  It was clear he remembered.  "You made me promise not to forget because you wouldn't..."  I verbalized the memory for us both.  "So here I am Rog!  Keeping my promise!"  I stated to him in a loud voice.  He almost cringed at the words but worked to keep himself together.  But I am not finished.  "So I guess your promise was forgotten, huh?"  I pointed out.