When The Stars Align

Chapter 13

I got home to find Alex sat all alone in the dark of our living room. I leaned against the doorway with my arms crossed. I saw his head turn to me and I fought my guilty conscience.

"Hi." I said. I wanted to sound normal, but my voice came out week. I had everything studied, I knew what I would tell him, on my way back home I studied every word I would tell him, I even had two stories I would know which one of the two would fit better or I could tell him the truth but I felt insecure, I didn't know what to expect from James and I didn't want to be alone. Selfish? Yes. But I felt that way.

"I had dinner ready for us." He said getting up and shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"I'm sorry." I said rubbing my arms, suddenly I felt shivers. Alex's face came closer and I saw his ice-cold eyes, maybe hurt even.

"You weren't working." He said. I knew he wanted an explanation and since he said that, one of my stories was not a possibility. I shrugged.

"I was just walking around." I said. In fact that was half true, I stood at James's until late, we ended up having dinner there and then when I left I went for a walk all alone near the beach. I needed to think, to make things clear in my mind. I had never cheated on anyone let alone on Alex and that day I did it. Loving James wasn't an excuse, if I wanted to be with him I should have done things the right way but then I didn't go to meet him thinking that would happen. It was stronger than me.

"What's the matter with you Andrea?" Alex asked more as a plead. He came closer and his face was lightened by the moonlight coming from the window.

"I don't know..." I said looking down, not able to look in his face.

"You don't know? Did I do anything wrong? Don't you love me anymore?" He shot the questions.

"Why do you think that!" I exclaimed turning away from him.

"Because you've been weird." He said grabbing me from my shoulders. "You have been distant; you've never been that way. You come home late; you whisper on the telephone." He said. I felt like shit for putting such an awesome human being like Alex into deep misery. He didn't deserve that.

"I am just tired." I said turning around and running a hand through his face. "I've been having a lot of work." I said.

"Really?" He asked looking in my eyes.

"I swear." Alex bent over me and kissed my lips washing away James taste. I felt tears assaulting my eyes and strayed.

"I need to take a shower and go to bed." I told him. Alex grabbed my hand and we went upstairs. While Alex laid in bed I took a shower, I cried in the shower, even sobbed a little. I was torn between what path to take, what road to choose if there was a road to choose at all. I dried myself and put on my pajama meeting Alex still awake in bed. "I thought you were sleeping." I told him. Alex bent over me and kissed my lips.

"I was waiting for you." He said kissing me again. I knew where that was going, and I tried. I put my arms around him and kissed him back. Alex kissed my neck and I mentally prayed to be able to wash away James from my mind that moment, but his touch was still burning on my skin, and his scent was still on my nose and Alex kisses weren't the same. I cringed and sobbed and pulled Alex away.

"I'm sorry." I said turning my back on him. Alex stood still a bit puzzled looking at me.

"What's the matter?" He asked taking a hand to my shoulder and rolling me on the bed.

"I am sorry. I'm just tired and I am not in the mood." I said crying.

"But you don't need to cry..." He whispered cleaning my tears with his soft hand and the gentler he was the more I cried and sobbed.