When The Stars Align

Chapter 37

"Belle, thank you for staying here with her." The day to know the results of Sarah's exam arrived and we asked Belle to stay with her. We didn't want her to be there in case the news were the worst.

"Good luck." She said giving me a tight hug. I needed that, I needed hugs from everyone. James was just too nervous walking outside from one side to another, waiting for me to go.

"I have to go." I said motioning my head in his direction. "He's just dying over there."

"It must be very hard for him. He just met her and stuff..." She commented watching James as he looked down at his feet with his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans and he kicked the ground. "He seems so lost..."

"He's been wonderful. Honestly with me, with her. Always trying to make Sarah laugh and feel happy, always trying to comfort me and give me confidence but he didn't have any sleep last night. He thought I was sleeping but I heard him walking around the house the whole night." Belle looked back at me and rubbed my arm.

"I hope the doctor has the best news ever."

"I hope so too, otherwise I don't know what we're going to do." I said feeling the tears blinding my vision. Belle tugged her arms around me one more time and then kissed my cheek, releasing me right after.

"Now go." She said.

As James saw me coming out of the house he got inside his truck and put the engine roaring. I sat and buckle up by his side and then my eyes searched for his, but his gaze was distant, so I just leaned my back on the seat, and he began our ride until the hospital.

"Are you ok?" I asked him when we had made half of the way. His silence was killing me.

"I haven't slept much through the night. I am fucking worried and I am so afraid. I am so scared..." He said. I slid a hand in his leg for support. I could only imagine how hard all that was for him. "Oh Andrea..." He whispered and I could sense the despair in his words. "This is killing me." He confessed.

"Oh babe." I said running out of words. It was also killing me; it was tearing me apart. Suddenly it seemed like our life was falling into pieces, better it was disconnected. We were trying to move on and still Sarah was dismantling us.

"I can't believe this is fucking happening. Now? I mean..." He shook his head searching for words. "Did it have to happen now? When we are together and we're happy?"

"It was going to happen anyway." I said stating the obvious.

"I know..." He breathed and with that he came back to his killing silence. I saw a bit of the young boy I met back in Downey that moment. The distance he'd put between us when going that silent and vague. I couldn't read him, know what was going on in his mind. I knew he had more inside that just what he was telling me and still he'd rather keep it for him. Somehow I knew that was his way of dealing with things, but that way scared me because I never knew with what I was counting on.

The rest of the way James was paying attention to the road and lost in his own world and I looked out at the window asking God for mercy and pity on us. As we got there and he parked the car, I hopped off it stumbling on my own feet. It seemed like my nervous system was going to block me at any minute.

"You stumble a lot in your own feet." James laughed a little grabbing my arm.

"It happens sometimes." I said smiling at him.

"Ready?" He asked and stretching me his hand. I took it, entwining my fingers around his and nodded. I think I wasn't ready but that was something we needed to do. We needed to face the facts and then look ahead if we had to or leave that place in an awe and Sarah was alright.. Hand in hand we crossed three corridors of the hospital and reached the pediatric area.