When The Stars Align

Chapter 87

"You look so beautiful." I exclaimed proudly looking at my girl all dressed up for her show. Sarah put her eyes on the floor sadly.

"He's not here yet right?" She asked me and I took a deep breath before kissing her cheek.

"No sweetie, he's not." I said. My eyes were about to become a river, but I managed to control myself.

"Have you tried to reach him?"

"Yes Sarah, but his cell is turned off, it skips to the messages each time." I explained. It was mid-November and Sarah was going to have her first important show and James was missing, and according to what I knew he was going to miss it. Our life was having ups and downs, more downs than ups to be honest. Things were pretty tough to deal with and his addiction was just reaching new levels. It didn't matter how hard I tried; he'd always fall into the habit. He'd always find an excuse to go out and he'd came back home loaded in alcohol most of the times, it didn't matter how hard I tried to make him quit, and he knew I was right, but he'd do the same over and over again. It was hard to live with his addiction, and it was clear it was getting worse every day. "Lars and Belle are outside to see you." I said as if they could replace the hole James was leaving there. Sarah forced a smile and I felt extremely sorry for my daughter that moment. I crouched in front of her and rested my hands on her shoulders. "Sweetie I am trying hard." I said feeling my eyes filling with water again, she just wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me tight.

"I know mom, I know you are." Then she kissed me and joined her companions. I smiled one last time and came back to my seat, front row right next to Belle.

"He's not coming right?" Belle asked.

"Probably not, I can't reach him. Let it go, he's probably drinking with his friends." I said. Sometimes I felt rage, I'd hate him sometimes, but then deep inside I just felt like hunting him down and bring him back home, like I have done so many times. Or waking up in the middle of the night to clean his vomit and help him, make him coffee. I thought many times about letting him go, but then I always ended up thinking that I would only be killing him faster if I did so.

"You need to do something Andrea." Lars whispered.

"And don't you think I have been trying? Do you think it's easy? It's not! He doesn't want help and when I insist, he yells at me." I said.

"I don't know what to tell you." He said shaking his head. "All I can say is that he loves you a lot, a lot Andrea."

"Nice way of showing it." I said in between my teeth as the lights were dimmed and the show was about to begin. I cried in the darkness seeing my girl, don't know if it was from seeing her or sadness, maybe both. Sarah looked amazing and gracious, she danced beautifully, and even Lars applauded standing at the end. His eyes were glittering, and Sarah was becoming a star. Even I was amazed how well she was dancing; she was definitely wonderful.

"You were so wonderful." I held her tight when the show was over. Despite her sadness she was smiling all over, happy with her performance. Belle and Lars congratulated her and then we waited for her to change so I could take her home and I still had to pick up Tyler at Belle's, since he had stayed there with Lilly and her nanny. "She looks so happy." I said watching her going away.

"Andrea..." Lars called my name and I looked at him. "You have to make him stop."

"Again? Do you think I don't try? I don't know what else to do and tell him! Lars, he doesn't listen, he doesn't listen to anyone right now. I don't know what to do with him anymore. I've tried everything I could."

"He's a wreck!" Lars exclaimed. "He misses rehearsals, meetings, photo shoots..."

"Is that all you care about? Fucking Metallica? I thought you were worried about us, my family, but after all...it's all about Metallica! I hate Metallica right now! Because the fucking band is what is taking my husband away from me and my kids."