When The Stars Align

Chapter 24

James POV

I left them both at Andrea's office and then came back to the studio but before I invited them to have dinner with me at my apartment, it was my turn to receive them. As I drove, I pictured Andrea's ex at her office and my daughter asking Andrea to have lunch with him, that made me wanna punch the steering wheel. I had to end that, I was Sarah's father, I was sure I could stop the encounters between them. I couldn't let my daughter love him more than she loved me, for now she didn't even loved me yet and if he remained around I was sure she would never reach that point.

It was a fact that we bonded. Somehow, we barely knew each other but we had some tastes in common, well I knew she was mine, so I was doing my best to be good to her and to conquer her little heart. She didn't know I was her father, but she laughed with me and she seemed to like me which pleased me a lot. I pictured that minute when I turned around to leave the office completely frustrated and mad at Andrea for letting her go with Alex to have lunch and she came running, holding my hand and saying she was having lunch with me, that moment felt wonderful. I wonder what made her change her mind and choose to stay with me. I don't care, she chose to come with me.

Sarah was absolutely amazing and even though I don't have a clue of how to deal with her, I find myself making her laugh. Physical contact with her is weird for me, when she kisses me or holds my hand I can't help it but to find it weird as I never had that type of contact with a kid. I didn't even think I could relate to a kid, but I think I am doing good and I count on Andrea to help me. Well, this part is easy because she doesn't know I am her father, so I don't have to act much as a father but when we tell her the truth and I am supposed to act like one what do I do? What am I supposed to do?

I had so many doubts in my head and zero answers. People say we usually rely on our parents and take them as a model to raise our kids. I didn't have that. I couldn't inspire myself on my father because he simply wasn't a father. He was just this person incapable of loving and connecting with me. I don't want that for Sarah, I want to be a person she's proud of, I want to be there for her, but I don't know how to do that. All that has been shown to me is not something I want for my kids. I never had to think about that because I wasn't thinking about having kids but since I knew Sarah was mine that these things began to pop up in my mind, it must be some sort of father instinct or something, I caught myself having all these doubts about fatherhood and I am scared shitless. When I have to be the father, will I know what to do? Will I be a good one?

I got to the studio with these questions in my head. These questions haunted me, transfiguring my face to a worried one. I dragged my feet through the corridor and punched a wall, not frustrated, not mad, but out of being scared.

"You're pale!" Lars blurted looking at me as I opened the door. "Did anything went wrong during lunch?" He asked. When the doubts invaded my mind I became more insecure than I already was, and I knew these things should be talked with Andrea and no one else but at that time Lars was the one in front of me and at hand. Like I said before, I could trust him.

"I have a daughter." I blurted without even warming up the subject or warning Lars that it was a delicate subject. Lars was balancing himself on the chair, looked at me with his eyes wide open and lost his balance, beginning to make his way back towards the floor but I caught him by his arm and pulled him back, resting the chair on the floor and still with Lars puzzled looking at me.

"Wa- What?" He stuttered.

"I have a daughter. A 10-year-old daughter." I repeated. Lars shook his head unable to say a word.

"You're joking right?" He said smiling and looking at me then he went silent, probably thinking about my words and then began to laugh loud. "Sometimes you come up with good jokes. You a father?" He said pointing and laughing but I couldn't join him, I stayed serious looking at him hoping he'd realize I was telling him the truth. I crossed my arms waiting for him to shut up, Lars laughed looking at me but as he saw me serious and not reacting his smile began to fade away until he was completely serious. "You're not joking?" He asked now with his jaw on the floor. I shook my hand not saying a word. "But...how? I mean with whom?"