When The Stars Align

Chapter 91

James continued going on therapy. I used to go with him every day and stay outside waiting. I was getting more and more curious to know what was going on inside, even more because at the beginning James used to tell me what he talked with the therapist and then he stopped. He closed himself in his bubble and everything was just a blur to me. I wondered if he was talking to the doctor at all. That added more curiosity and wiliness to join them in that room, but she seemed to take long until it was my turn to go in with him.

"James..." I called his name and snuggled against him while we watched a movie on TV. Tyler was already sleeping, and Sarah was drawing in her room. He looked at me when he heard his name and waited for me to talk. "How was therapy today?" I asked, intending to make him talk about it.

"It was ok." He said dryly and then turned his face back to the TV.

"Just ok, I mean..." I said thinking about the best way to make him the question I wanted and that was what they had talked about.

"I don't want to talk about it Andrea." He told me, turning his face back at me. "I go there, and she makes me weird questions. I don't want to talk about it when I am not there." He said.

"Because you've been so quiet." I commented in a low tone. "You used to share with me what you did in there, and then you stopped, and I care, you know..." He took a deep breath looking deep in my eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it, please?" He rested his forehead in mine. "I am doing what you asked me to do, don't pressure me more." He said. I pulled away from him a bit dazed with his last sentence and I sat back away from him, back to my former spot. James glared at me and then stretched me out his hand.

"Why did you go away?" He asked.

"Because this is where I was before." I replied.

"Come here." He insisted and I took his hand. He pulled me to him and held me against his chest. "What's the matter? Tell me..."

"Before you used to talk to me about your therapy and I got to know what you were doing and now you don't talk about it. You closed yourself and you don't say anything. I'd like to know how things are going. I am sorry if I am pressuring you and maybe, in fact, you shouldn't be telling me what's going on in there. Oh well...I am sorry." I told him. James kissed the top of my head.

"I don't talk to you about it because I also don't say much in there. She asks me things I don't want to talk about, and I am creating some resistance towards it." He confessed. "And I don't tell because I am afraid that you see this as a back off and it's not. I just don't know what to tell her."

"Oh..." I exclaimed, sitting straight so I could look in his face. "You do feel pressured don't you?"

"Not by you. I feel pressured to get better and I am stuck, and I feel ashamed to tell you this, that's why I don't say anything."

"Ashamed? James...you don't have to ashamed of anything." I cupped his face between my hands and kissed his lips.

"She makes me questions that I don't want to answer babe. I mean, I do want to answer but I don't know what to say so I divert the subject and we talk, and I get out of there, with no clue. Sometimes, I answer her like next section, you know, like after thinking about a million times about what to say and choose carefully every single word. I get to pick what I want to tell her and what I don't want to tell her. Her questions bug me. I am sorry if I am letting you down or not corresponding to your expectations."

"No babe, no." I said. "It's all part of it, it's ok. Now I understand why you've been so quiet about it. But James, you have to open up, that's what therapy is for, you have to try."