When The Stars Align

Chapter 106

I sat on the white chair near the door. My palms were sweating but they were cold. My legs shook a bit and I felt my heart beating on my throat and echoing on my head. James was sitting by my side silent. He knew perfectly well what I was going through. He recognized my reluctance towards it all and that powerless feeling that invades you the minutes you wait near the therapist's door.

I stared at the white door like I was waiting to go to hell. The incapacity to imagine what was going on behind that door corroded me. The fear of the questions she was going to ask made me despair and then the fact that I had never been in that situation before made everything incredibly scary. Turning his head at me and grabbing one of my hands, James spoke.

"It's gonna be alright." He whispered close to my ear.

"God, this is so terrifying." I said.

"It is, but it will be good. They are doctors... mind readers, whatever, in the end it's gonna be good for us." He kissed my cheek with his soft lips and then leaned back against the chair.

Silence took care of us again and my eyes fell on the man in front of me. He looked so quiet and peaceful, reading a magazine and I was the opposite, nervous, tense, unable to concentrate on the simplest reading there was. Then, the door opened, and a brunette came out of it, in the same green suite as other doctors in the hospital and a file in her hand.

"Andrea Hetfield?" She asked looking at me.

I got up fast. As a spring, I jumped of my seat and James did the same. Hand in hand we approached her.

"That will be me." I said shyly, gripping onto James's hand. She gave me a smile and looked deep into my eyes, making me shudder a bit.

"Come in..." She said, giving us space to go inside. "Sit." She said pointing at a red couch.

James and I sat side by side not letting go of our hands. He squeezed mine a bit and I looked into his blue gaze, asking for help silently.

"So, you want your husband to be here?" She asked sitting on a chair in front of us. That was quite intimidating, I must say, and tremendously uncomfortable.

"Yeah..." I said unsure of what to say. I didn't know if she was analyzing me already or not, because it all seemed so informal at the same time. "He's the main reason I am doing this after all." I added.

"Why is that?" She asked.

I felt then that she was already doing her job. Her eyes fixed on me, like trying to read what was inside, hidden, looking for things I wasn't sure of what they were.

"Because all the events dragged us to a bad moment in our marriage." I said.

"Want to explain? What happened?" She asked.

James remained silent, looking straight at her, holding my hand and I thought a little about what to tell her, even if it was so clear what the events were.

"We had a car accident. I was driving and I lost the baby I was expecting in it." I stopped, taking a deep breath. It was hard for me to talk about it. "From there, I got really depressed, shutting all doors to my husband, who was doing all he could to keep me alright. He was being mother and father of our two children, and finally I began to pull away even my friends, searching for comfort on a stranger..." There I choked and I broke down. My eyes flooded with tears and James kissed the top of my head in support.

"It's ok." He said. I looked in his eyes and nodded.

"James was always very supportive, but in my head he kept on pressuring and reminding me of the accident. Things got really out of hand." I said.