When The Stars Align

Chapter 96

I stayed there for an hour or so and then went upstairs. Everything was quiet, though he had told me to sleep in Sarah's bed I saw the door of our bedroom slightly opened, but there was no light, I thought he was sleeping, and the fact that the door was opened after all, meant that he was expecting me to go in there. I thought about it, for a few seconds and then proudly, purely out of pride, I turned my back at that door and went to the kids room. I lay there, all alone and realized that for the first time since James and I were together, I would be sleeping alone in a bed. It happened before, when he had fallen asleep on the couch, unable to go to bed because he was so drunk, but even then, I would go downstairs and take him to our bed. That was different, it was his choice, and it hurt too much inside.

The bed was not as big as ours, but it felt huge with just a body on it. I missed James's light snore, his weight by my side, the hand he'd slid around my waist, especially, when all the loneliness I was feeling was provoked by him. I felt even more distressed and depressed. Everything around me was falling apart, and I felt so impotent to step up. I didn't fall asleep; I could not close my eyes and rest. I wasn't crying either, though I felt the need to, but I chocked the tears and did my best not to cry. My heart ached so much...hour after hour, I saw the time pass by, 2am...3 am and not even a slight sign of sleep, then 4 am...and I felt the door of my room opening gently. I was with my back turned at it, curled on my own body. I was expecting he was just going to peek and leave, but then I felt his weight sinking the mattress. He adjusted his pillow and then curled his body behind mine, his hand slid around my waist and pulled me to him, I couldn't control the tears then. I let them fall but silently.

"I know you're awake." He said in my ear.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him controlling my voice. Since he had that rant before, I was trying not to let him know I was crying again, this time, because of him and not because of all the things I had in my mind.

"I can't sleep alone in the bed." He confessed. "Besides, I left the door opened..."

"You were expecting me to go in there?"

"Why not Andrea? Isn't where you belong?" He asked me. It felt good to have my body against his, I felt warm and wanted, but his last question made me slightly sob. Yes, that was where I belonged.

"You told me to sleep here." I said, showing I was crying. "That hurts, you know. I am fragile, I am not denying that but all I ask is for your understanding. I don't know how to explain how I feel, it's just this despair..."

"Can I turn the light on? I want to see you..." He asked me. I stretched out an arm and turned on the lamp on the nightstand. James rolled me on my back and leaned on his elbow to look down at me. His hand flew to my face and cleaned my tears, then his lips spread kisses all over my face. "I wanted you to go there, to go against my will or whatever I had said, and you go in there and lay in our bed."

"I am tired of fighting James." I said. "I'm tired of feeling like this..."

"Then do something babe. Do something..." He kissed my lips and I kissed him back, my hand tugged on the back of neck, pulling him down to me. The kiss deepened, my lips parted, and his tongue entwined with mine. It had been quite a long time since we had shared a kiss like that. "Oh sweetie..." James breathed against my lips, to retake the kiss the next second. He brought his body even closer and slid a leg over mine. I felt him all aroused against them, but my own body didn't react as before, and when he dived a hand under my shirt, and I expected the chills he used to give me, I shuddered instead, but of repulse.

"No..." I said breaking the kiss and pushing him away.

"Why not?" He asked looking deeply into my eyes, our glare locking expectantly.