The Shade's Of You. | ✓

23

Sophia.

My leg bounced up and down in agitation and irritation and I chewed on my lip with that memory in mind.

I waited for the doctor to arrive and tell me that I was just really sick, that was all it was, that I wasn't pregnant. But she seemed to be taking her own sweet time with this.

It was stupid to quickly make the assumption and just jump the gun like this but I followed my gut instincts because somehow, I knew I was just sick like I want to be— no. I knew it had to be something else with all that vomiting that never happened before and my freaking mood swings but the most important one of all, the one that had me running down here, I had missed my period, again— at first, I thought it was normal because that happens. I've read about it and watched it in movies.

It used to happen as a teenager, sometimes, I never use to bother back then because I knew I couldn't be pregnant and I actually liked my months off, no hurting cramps.

But now it's different, obviously. I'm older and now I am in fact sexually active and could fall pregnant quickly.

Condoms aren't really that reliable— both Percy and I know that but we still used them and I never took those pregnancy prevention pills, I've heard of the side effects and didn't like it. Still, sometimes we forget about it.

The condom.

Especially if it's just. . . happens.

And when we're up early, making love.

It slips our minds, we are only human after all.

Right now, I wouldn't have been stressing out about this, if I was indeed pregnant. I would have excepted it and would have been happy too but he made it clear to me— no kids.

I had always wanted children of my own, obviously, I am still basically a child inside because I surround myself with the little beings. I enjoy watching over them and listening to their crazy stories and everything else— there were good and bad times to it, yes, but the good times always won.

But if my partner didn't want them then I was okay with that, I wouldn't go look for someone else to have babies with, that was completely outrageous for him to suggest.

I loved him and if I wanted children, I would want them with him, with the man that I was so crazy in love with.

Obviously it was a major set back on my future.

It was going to be okay because I had him by my side.

I had imagined us having kids before this— little me's and him's, both of us coming together to make one whole.

Maybe a little girl with his dark hair and green eyes, she'll have his stubbornness but still, she would have been the sweetest little girl ever who would have had the strong man wrapped around her little finger— or maybe a boy, who would definitely be a Charlie number two. I could have seen it happening, with having his dad and uncle mentoring him. He would have been like the two of them.

“Miss Rose.” The almost gray haired woman smiles at me, waving a folder up at me. “I've got your results here.” She says, taking a seat across me and I force out a smile.

Successfully, she breaks my chain of thoughts hard and fast, my heart starts to drum loudly for the millionth time.

I chew on my bottom lip, I taste a little blood from tearing the soft skin but I could care less about that right now because my eyes focus hard as she drops the folder onto the table and I, unconsciously jump from the sound of it.

Dr Calloway is an old female doctor who is one of the most kindest souls that I ever know, she was my mother's friend back when mum was alive— actually, bestfriends.

The two of them were together since middle school days and sometimes when mum couldn't function, she was there for us and she too would tell me stories about their younger days, a much happier time, she used to say and I had wondered. . . did she mean when I wasn't born? Happier days were when mum and dad were still good and well and had no responsibilities to tend to— responsibilities like me, I though I ruined it, their love but even I knew better than that. It wasn't my fault for the spilt.

Dad drank and reacted, that was his own fault.

Mum didn't fight and that was her own fault too.

Babies were blessings and not curses, they didn't ruin relationships like that, it was more, they strengthened it.

But now,

Something nagged me.

Percy not wanting kids, suddenly nagged me.

I had questions and I knew I needed answers, he would have to explain to me why he didn't want children in our future. Was it because he thought it would ruin everything?

“Sophia, you're not pregnant.” She says and I sigh in relief, thank fuck. “But we do need to perform some tests.”

I frown and grip my chair tighter. “Why? Is something wrong?” I fire my questions. I knew something was wrong. I just knew it, I wasn't pregnant, I wasn't just sick, it was something else! “I'm not dying am I?” She chuckles.

“No. But we're afraid it's much more worst than that.”

—

HI * sheepishly waves * so it's been a few days, maybe two weeks ? Idk. I'm sorry for being absent but guys my life has been crazy for the last few weeks.💔

I had no motivation to write because of the events that has taken place recently. Everything was, still is, so stressful to me. But luckily I had this written down before and I've been meaning to post it for a while now.

Anyway,

I'm back and hopefully I'm doing better and I'm praying to God that I haven't lost any readers in my absence!

I hope everyone is doing well and that you are enjoying your days! Tell me what's been going on since I've been gone? :) what has everyone been up to?