A Survivor's Diary of the Apocalypse (TWD/Daryl Dixon)

S6Pt2 - Motherhood

We were closing in on the noise that was coming from home and saw in the distance that a large truck was crashed into the walls of Alexandria. We ran towards the truck and saw the driver turned into a walker, and he had a "W" marked on his head. Rick put him down and Morgan turned off the horn.
"A W? What the hell?" I wondered out loud.
Rick looked behind us and saw walkers following us, then we heard the moans from inside the walls. I heard people screaming and I instanly panicked.
"Kelley, Morgan. Go help them." Rick ordered. "I'll go back with the herd."
I nodded and looked at the walkers, then listened to the screaming, and thought about my kids inside. I looked at Rick and sighed.
"You keep Daryl out there. I can handle it here and we need him out there." I said. "I'll be back to help soon."
"Okay." Rick said and checked his watch. "I'll be back here in 45 minutes. Be here."
We all agreed and Morgan and I then made our way inside Alexandria while Rick ran back into the woods.
Once inside the walls, home was almost unrecognizable. There were walkers roaming the streets and blood everywhere. Dead people all around who were once my neighbors.
"I'll go find Carl, Judith, and Lee. You handle the intruders." I ordered and began walking off.
"Got it." Morgan said, but I saw he was hesitant.
I turned around and paused. "And Morgan." I said and he looked at me. "You see them, you kill them. They won't hesitate."
I then began running down the streets towards our houses, and killed a few walkers along the way. Some of them were from the herd but others were the intruders who turned and had the same "W" on their foreheads.
I saw in front of my house that Enid and Ron were standing on the porch and Carl was fighting one of the intruders. They weren't doing anything and Carl was getting pinned on the ground.
I was filled with rage and automatically ran over to him. I kicked the guy off of Carl and unsheated my knife. I sat on top of him and began stabbing him in the chest. Carl had to pull me off of him for me to stop.
"Kelley, he's dead. He's gone." Carl said.
I stood up and looked down at myself and saw blood covered my arms and shirt. I then looked at Carl and saw he had blood on his shirt too.
"Are you okay?" I asked worried, as I checked him for wounds.
"I'm fine." He said. "It's not mine."
"Thank god. Judith? Lee?" I asked.
"They are safe. They're inside upstairs, in the closet." He said.
I lightly hugged him and ran up the porch steps. I pulled out my gun and tried to give it to Ron.
"No." He said.
"Take the fucking gun and get in the house with the rest of them." I raised my voice at him.
"This is bullshit." He yelled and ran off.
"Shit." I muttered, and then looked at Enid. "You know how to use a gun?" I asked.
"You gonna yell at me if I don't?" She sassed back at me.
"Not unless you give me a reason. Not if you at least try." I said, my voice becoming nice again.
She slowly nodded and took the gun from me. She held it in her hand and then looked at me.
"Okay, just aim the gun at the target and pull the trigger. You don't stop til they're on the ground." I instructed, all while showing her how to aim and pull the trigger.
"Yes ma'am." She said.
"Carl will teach you the rest." I said and he nodded. "I need to check on the kids. I need you two to stay here with them. Got it?" I asked.
They both nodded, and before I ran inside I turned around and pointed at the man I killed in the street.
"Put him down." I ordered.
I then turned around and walked upstairs with the echo of a gunshot behind me. I remembered Carl said they were in the closet.
"But what one?" I thought. 
I opened the first door in the hallway and they weren't there. Another door, still nothing.
"Judith!" I called out. "Baby, where are you?"
I opened the door to my bedroom when I heard a small noise.
"Mama?" I heard Judith call.
"Judith, honey keep talking." I said and searched the room.
"Maaaaama." Judith called.
I opened the closet door and she wasn't there. I then heard Lee crying from across the hallway. I ran into the nursery, swung open the closet doors, and saw Judith sitting on the ground holding Lee.
"Oh thank goodness." I sighed with relief.
"Done play?" Judith asked.
I knelt down and took Lee from her and then kissed her forehead.
"No baby. You guys are gonna play for a little longer, okay?" I said.
Lee stretched in my arms and I softly kissed his cheek. I took a minute to hold him, and smell him, and savor every second I had.
Judith grabbed a toy and tried to give it to me, and it took all my strength to tell her no. I then saw Carl standing in the doorway.
"I have to go Judy, but brother here can play." I said, and looked at Carl who nodded in agreement.
I stood up with Lee still in my arms and walked over to Carl. I hugged him really tight and sighed.
"Thank you so much for protecting them." I said.
"That's what family does." Carl said. "You're our mom."
I smiled at him and patted his hat. I handed him Lee and he started rocking her in his arms. I then felt Judith grab my leg and start crying.
"Mama, noooo!" She started crying.
I tried to calm her down but she wouldn't let me go. Enid then walked in and tried to calm her down and pull her away from me, but she was having a fit.
"Judith I have to leave. Please let go baby." I said, trying not to give in.
She started screaming and hitting my leg. I finally got her to let go and Enid held her in her grasp. Just then Lee started to cry with her.
"Carl, I--" I began to say.
"Don't worry. We got it." Carl said, and I looked at him worried. "You need to go."
I slowly nodded and left the room, then walked down the stairs, and finally out the front door all while listening to my babies cry for me.
It was at this moment that I finally understood what my mother was talking about.
"When you have a child Kelley, everything changes. It's like having a piece of your heart living outside of your body... Oh, you'll understand when you're older." My mother once said.
Knowing that I had to leave them to keep them safe wasn't the worst part, but it was feeling my heart grow heavier with every step I took away from them knowing I was leaving a piece of me behind.