A Survivor's Diary of the Apocalypse (TWD/Daryl Dixon)

S3Pt16 - Gift-Giving

We got back to the prison and I instantly went to my cell. I passed by everyone and refused to say a word. The dead family I saw... it was just too much. I felt like I was hit by a train, I couldn't breathe, I didn't want to be here at the moment. But even when I sat in the cell, I couldn't get the thoughts out of my head. I left the cell, then the cellblock, and found myself walking to the guard tower. I climbed up the stairs and looked out across the horizon. I sighed as I felt the cool breeze on my face. I stayed inside the watchtower that night, because I didn't want to be around anyone. I couldn't bare to see them right now, not Daryl, or Rick, or the kids. Soon I fell asleep and prayed for that the next morning this feeling would pass.
The next morning came and I still felt like shit. I knew I needed to pull myself together, but I couldn't. I stared at the yard, and the trees, and the clouds, and began to wonder how this world was such a beautiful place all while being full of death. I then thought about the kids and remembered the things I got for them. I sighed and forced myself to walk to the cellblock. Once inside, the group watched me and didn't talk to me, but I heard them whispering. I just shook my head and ignored them. I went to my cell and saw Daryl put all my personal things in here. I rummaged through the stuff and pulled out my gifts for Carl, like his comic books, denim jacket, and candy bar. I walked down the stairs and my heavy footsteps echoed through the cellblock. I saw Carl sitting at the table, engraving it with his knife. I whistled, everyone looked at me, and I nodded at Carl to follow me. He quickly put away his knife and followed me to my cell.
"Am I in trouble?" He asked as we got to my cell.
"Why the hell would you be in trouble?" I asked.
I didn't check my tone and realized I gave Carl an attitude for no reason. I sighed and looked at him.
"I'm sorry.. I got you a few things the other day. I wanted to give them to you." I said.
I pulled out his denim jacket and he tried it on. It fit him perfectly and I sighed.
"Good." I said. "When winter comes again, this will keep you warm."
I then grabbed the stack of comic books and he gasped at the sight of it. He picked one up, flipped through the pages, and repeated that with a few more. He was so happy and I knew he would love them.
"These are for me?" He asked.
"Of course they are Carl." I said and shook his hat playfully.
"Thank you! Thank you Kelley!" He said and hugged me.
I managed a laugh and hugged him back. He let go and grabbed all the comic books.
"Before you go Carl, I have one more thing for you." I said.
He watched me carefully as I slowly pulled a candy bar out of my bag. Carl glanced at me, then at the candy, then back at me.
"No..." He whispered in shock.
"Yeah..." I said.
He took the candy and hugged me one more time. He then left my cell to go read in his own. I stood there for a moment to enjoy the moment, and noticed how happy it made me to see him smile. That's all I needed, I realized, was to know that I can still bring positivity to this world. With this new feeling I had, I felt like I needed to at least see Judith, and hold her, and give her comfort. In Rick's cell I saw there was a new crib and she was in it. I walked over to her and picked her up. She smiled when she saw me and I rocked her. I softly sang to her which made her instantly calm down and fall asleep.
"I guess she loves my voice." I thought.
I put her back down carefully so I didn't wake her up and saw Rick watching me. I nodded at him and we walked together outside of his cell.
"Hey Rick." I said once we were far enough away from the baby.
"Hey Kelley." He said and then paused. "Daryl told us what you guys saw out there. Are you alright?" He asked.
"Of course he did." I sighed and nodded. "I'm fine."
Rick just stared at me, and I knew he didn't believe me.
"Seriously I am fine, so I'd appreciate if you guys stop looking at me like I'm someone you need to help." I ranted.
Rick nodded his head and I walked past him.
"You should talk to Daryl. He's worried about you." Rick called after me.
But I kept walking. I felt bad, but Daryl was the last person I wanted to talk to today. All of these feelings revolved around him, and I wanted to try and get them under my control before we saw each other. I sat down at a table with Hershel and Beth and they looked at me.
"Mind if I sit down?" I asked.
Beth smiled at me and shook her head. I smiled back and took out their gifts I got. I took out a Bible and gave it to Hershel.
"I thought you might like this. Catch up on your reading." I said.
"Thank you Kelley." Hershel said and patted my shoulder.
"And Beth, I got you this." I said and pulled out a journal. "Now you can write about whatever you want really, maybe some songs."
She smiled and took the journal. She felt the leather and flipped through the pages.
"This is so pretty. Thank you." She said.
I nodded and sat quietly. I felt Hershel still staring at me and looked up at him.
"Can I ask you something?" I unwillingly spoke.
He nodded his head and gave me his full attention.
"Is Daryl okay?" I asked quietly.
Hershel sighed and grabbed my hands. "He is really upset. He hates when he feels like he can't help you. Daryl barely talked to us since you guys got back and I haven't seen him since. You need to talk to him, he's worried about you." He said.
I sighed and wiped away a few tears that were about to fall. I nodded my head and let go of his hands. I left the table and walked back to my cell. I passed by Glenn and Maggie's cell when they stopped me.
"How are you doing?" Maggie asked and hugged me.
"I'm fine." I said.
I knew she didn't believe me, but I didn't care at the moment. I needed to go to my cell and gather myself. What Hershel said really made me think about Daryl, and how I needed to be there for him too.
"Where you going?" Glenn asked.
"To my cell." I said.
"You need to talk to Daryl." Glenn ordered.
I just nodded and left to my cell. I sighed as I walked down the catwalk and reached the end of my cell. I looked inside and saw Daryl laying on the bed, and staring at the ceiling. When he saw me, he instantly sat up and looked at me.
"Daryl..." I said as I walked over to him.
I knelt down in front of him and grabbed his hands. I saw he had sadness in his eyes. I wiped a few of my own tears and kissed his hands.
"I'm so sorry." I said, and he looked at me confused. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. What we saw... it affected both of us." I said. "I was just so scared baby.. I don't want that to be us." I whispered and bowed my head.
"I know." He said and squeeze my hands. "Come here."
He lifted me up and I sat in his lap. I hugged him and he wrapped his arms around my waist and rubbed my back.
"I won't let that happen to us. I won't let anything happen to you." He said, held my face, and I looked him in the eyes. "I love you so much, Kell."
A tear fell down my cheek and he wiped it away. He caressed my cheek and felt my lips. I cupped his face and kissed him softly. I rested my head against his forehead and our noses touched.
"I love you too.." I said. "I love you so much."