A Survivor's Diary of the Apocalypse (TWD/Daryl Dixon)

S4Pt13 - Moonshine

Daryl's P.O.V

Beth and I have been on the road for a couple weeks now. I don't even know if that's true, I haven't been able to keep track of time. I just know we've been gone for too long. We haven't seen anyone from the prison, but I refused to give up. I knew Kell had to be out here somewhere. She's smart, she knows how to stay safe.
"She can't be dead..." I thought.
Beth and I approached an old broken down house and decided to stay there for the night.
Inside was a mess. Trash everywhere. Beer cans littered all over the floor. Just like how I remember my childhood home. The house was clear and Beth sat down at the table. I opened some cabinets then hit the jackpot. I grabbed out a couple jars and set them on the table.
"What's that?" Beth asked.
"Moonshine." I said. "You wanted to drink. This is the real shit."
I grabbed two glasses and filled them up with a couple shots of moonshine. Beth fidgeted with the cup and stared at it.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"Nothing." She sighed. "It's just, my dad always said bad moonshine can make you go blind."
"Ain't nothing worth seeing out there anymore anyways." I said, and drank some moonshine.
She drank her cup and her face was full of distaste.
"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted." She said.
She drank some more, smiled, and grabbed the bottle. "Second round's better." She said and filled her cup.
She grabbed my cup and started filling it too.
"Woah, slow down there." I said.
"This one's for you." She said.
"Nah, I'm good." I said.
"What? She asked.
"Someone has to keep watch." I said.
"So what, you're my chaperone now?" She asked with an attitude.
"No, just drink lots of water." I said and walked away.
"Yes, Mr. Dixon." She mumbled.
I was boarding up the windows and started defending the place for the night. The sun was going to set in a couple hours, but I had nothing better to do.
Beth walked into the living room, sat on the floor, then pulled something out from behind the couch. It was a ceramic pink bra that was full of burnt cigarette butts.
"Who goes to the store and walks out with this?" She laughed.
"My dad, that's who." I said.
I turned around and she stared at me.
"That dumbass would set those on top of the TV and use it as target practice."
"He shot things inside the house?" Beth asked.
"It was just a whole bunch of old shit anyways. That's how I knew what this place was." I said and pointed at the chair. "You got your dumpster chair for sitting in. Got buckets, that's what you spit your chew in, after your old lady tells you to stop smoking." I said and picked up a newspaper. "You got your internet."
Beth stared at me, and I could clearly see that she was not anywhere close to being raised the way I was. Then we heard groaning outside. I looked out and saw it was only one walker on the side of the house.
"It's just one of them." I said.
"Should we get it?" She asked.
"If it keeps making too much noise, yeah." I said.
"Well." Beth said and picked up the moonshine. "If we're going to be trapped again, might as well make the best of it. Unless you're too busy chaperoning, Mr. Dixon."
I sighed and nodded my head. "Might as well make the best of it."
I sat down on the couch and Beth sat on the floor at the coffee table across from me.
"Home sweet home." I said sarcastically.
I raised my glass and drank.
Not even in an hour, the moonshine was kicking in and I was slightly drunk. Beth clearly was but surprisingly she was handling it well.
"You want to play 'I never'?" She asked.
"The hell is that?" I asked.
"It's a drinking game." She said. "So first, I say something I've never done, and if you have done it, you drink. And if you haven't, I drink. Then we switch." Beth explained.
I stared at her and leaned back.
"You really don't know this game?" She asked.
"I've never needed a game to get lit before." I said. "How'd you know this game?"
"My friends played. I watched." She said. "Okay, I'll start. I've never shot a crossbow. So now you drink."
"Ain't much of a game." I said and took a drink of moonshine.
"That was a warmup." Beth said. "Now you go."
I put down my drink and cleared my throat.
"I don't know." I said.
"Just- Say the first thing that pops up into your head." She said.
"I've never been out of Georgia." I said.
"Really?" She asked surprised. "Okay, good one." She said and drank.
"I've never... been drunk and done something I regretted." She said.
I instantly picked up the glass and took a big drink. I've done a lot of shit when drunk. Bad shit. Shit that Kell wouldn't like.
"I've done a lot of things." I sighed.
"Your turn." She pointed at me.
"I've never been on vacation." I said.
"What about camping?" She asked.
"No." I said. "That was just something I had to learn. To hunt."
"Your dad teach you?" She asked.
"Hmm." I nodded my head.
She was quiet for a second then nodded her head. "Okay." She said and drank.
"I've never... been in jail." She said.
I looked at her and she changed her words.
"I mean, as a prisoner." She rephrased.
She chuckled to herself and I just stared at her.
"That's what you think of me?" I asked.
"I didn't mean anything serious. I just thought, you know, a drunk day. Even my dad got locked up for that, back in the day." She said.
"Drink up." I said and pointed at her glass.
"Wait." She said. "Prison guard. We're you a prison guard?" She asked. "Before?"
"No." I said emotionless.
I was offended by her comment and was ready to quit this game.
"It's your turn again." She said.
"No." I said and slammed my cup down. "I need to take a piss." I yelled.
I walked to the corner and unzipped my pants.
"You have to be quiet." Beth said.
"Can't hear you! I'm taking a piss." I said.
"Daryl, don't talk so loud." Beth said.
I turned around and looked at her. "What, you're my chaperone now?"
Beth just scoffed and I finished and zipped up my pants.
"Wait, it's my turn right?" I asked. "I've uh... never eaten frozen yogurt. Never had a pet pony. Never had nothing from Santa Claus." I said and pushed junk off the table. "Never relied on anyone for protection before. Hell, I've never relied on anyone for anything." I yelled.
"Daryl.." Beth started.
"Never sang out in front of a big group in public, like everything was fun. Like everything was a big game." I shouted. "I've never cut my wrists looking for attention."
Beth just stared at me and my blood was boiling. Then I heard the walker hit the walls from outside. I grabbed my crossbow and pointed at Beth.
"Hey, you never shot a crossbow before?" I shouted.
"Daryl, shut up." She hushed.
"Imma teach you right now." I said. "Come on, it's gonna be fun."
I grabbed her arm and dragged her outside.
"We should stay inside." Beth pleaded. "Daryl cut it out."
Once outside and I saw the walker I let her go and raised my crossbow.
"Come here dumbass." I taunted.
I shot its shoulder and the arrow went through him and hit the tree.
"Daryl." Beth panicked.
"You want to shoot?" I said and quickly reloaded an arrow
"I-I don't know how." She said.
"Oh it's easy. I'll show you." I said.
I grabbed her and held her in front of me, rested the crossbow on her shoulder, and shot the walker in the leg, pinning it more to the tree.
Beth shook out of my grasp and looked at me ready another arrow.
"Let's practice later." She said.
"Come on, it's fun." I said.
"Just stop it!" She begged.
I grabbed her again and held the crossbow in front of her, and fired the arrow at the walkers chest.
"Just kill it!" She said.
I let her go and she watched me.
"Come on. Let's pull these out for more target practice." I said.
I walked up to the walker to take the arrows when Beth ran around me and stabbed its head with a knife.
"The hell you do that for?" I asked. "We were having fun."
"No, you were being a jackass." Beth yelled. "If anyone found my dad-"
"No." I yelled and pointed at her. "That ain't remotely the same."
"Killing then is not supposed to be fun." She said.
"What do you want from me girl? Huh!" I yelled in her face.
"I want you to stop acting like you don't give a crap about anything. Like nothing matters. Like none of the people we lost ever meant anything to you. It's BULLSHIT!" She yelled.
"Is that what you think?" I asked.
"That's what I know." She said.
"You know nothing." I said.
"I know you look at me and just see another dead girl!" She said. "I'm not Michonne, not Carol, not Maggie, not Kelley-"
"Don't!" I yelled when she said her name.
"I survived, and you don't get it because, I'm not like you or them. But I made it. And you don't get to treat me like crap just because you're afraid." She said.
I got closer to her face and she backed up.
"I ain't afraid of nothing." I said.
"I remember... when that little girl came out of the barn. After my mom. You were like me." She said.
I turned around at the thought and she got close behind me.
"And God forbid you let anyone get too close." She said.
I turned around and pointed at her. "Too close, huh?" I said, and she nodded her head. "You know all about that. You lost two boyfriends and can't even shed a tear. Your whole family's gone and all you can go look for is booze like a dumb college bitch!" I yelled.
"Screw you. You don't get it." She said.
"No, you don't get it!" I yelled in her face. "Everyone we know is dead!"
"You don't know that!" She shouted back.
"Might as well cause you're never gonna see them again!" I yelled.
Beth backed up and sniffled, almost about to cry, but I didn't care. I let loose.
"Rick.. You ain't never gonna see Maggie again."
"Daryl just stop." She said and tried to grab my arms.
"No." I said.
I shrugged her off and turned around.
"The Governor rode right up to our gates... Maybe if I- Never stopped looking, I- Maybe cause I gave up, that's on me!" I said.
"Daryl..." Beth said and touched my shoulder.
"No.." I said, and my voice cracked. "And, your dad, maybe I could've done something."
Beth quickly hugged me from behind and didn't let go. I looked up at the sky and let my emotions go.
"And Kell..." I cried.
I lowered my head and stopped resisting. I cried for Hershel, cried for Kelley. I wasn't there for them, for her, when she needed me.
"I'm her husband." I cried to myself. "I'm supposed to protect her."

~~~~~~~~~~

It was nighttime and dark out. We were sitting on the railing on the porch and sat in silence.
"We should go inside." I said.
Beth looked at me and slightly smiled. "We should burn it down." She laughed.
I stood up, grabbed a bottle of moonshine, and looked at her.
"Bring me more booze." I said.
She laughed and got up. We started to smash the bottles all over the house, getting alcohol all over the floor. Pouring booze all over the furniture and trash. We finished by pouring the last of the booze on the porch and walked onto the grass.
I pulled out a lighter and handed it to Beth.
"You want to do it?" I asked.
"Hell yeah." She said.
I pulled a stack of money I found in the house out of my pocket and Beth lit it on fire. I tossed it into the house, and in a few seconds, everything caught fire.
We started walking away and looked back at it while farther away. The fire caught the roof and everything was crumbling to the ground. Beth smiled and held up her middle finger, flipping off the house. She nudged my shoulder and I sighed. I flipped off the house with her for a minute.
We dropped our hands at the same time and stared at the flames. We used this as our moment to move on. To try and forget the past and start living on after this. I lightly grabbed Beth's arm to turn her around and she walked in front of me.
I looked down at my hand and stared at my wedding ring. I sighed and adjusted it on my finger.
"Of course Daryl. Yes. Yes, I'll marry you." I heard Kelley's voice in my head. "I love you. I fucking love you."
I closed my eyes and imagined Kell standing right in front of me.
"I love you Kell." I whispered to myself.
I sighed and opened my eyes. I didn't want to, but I know that I had to move on, and keep living on without her. I may not be able to hear her or touch her, hell I may never see her again, but I will never forget her... I'll never stop loving her.