A Survivor's Diary of the Apocalypse (TWD/Daryl Dixon)

S6Pt15 - Still Haunted By The Memories

As soon as we arrived back at the Hilltop, Rick gathered everyone for a group meeting in the church.
Daryl sat down in one of the pews and I sat next to him. I sighed and he held my hand, gently touching my ring. I looked at him and then rested my head on his shoulder.
We waited for everyone to show up, and Morgan was the last one, and then Rick started his speech.
"We can work with the Hilltop. Maggie hammered out a deal. We are getting food, eggs, butter, fresh vegetables. But they are not just giving it away." Rick began. "These Saviors.. they almost killed Sasha, Abraham, Daryl, and Kelley on the road. Sooner or later, they would've found us, like the Wolves did, just like Jesus did--"
I just got lost in my thoughts when he mentioned the Wolves.
"This world belongs to the Wolves." The man's voice echoed in my head.
I moved my hand out of Daryl's grasp and subconsciously held my neck. I twisted my neck and closed my eyes, trying to forget. I just chose to focus on Rick's voice.
"They would've killed one of us, some of us even, and then they would try to own us. And we would try to stop them, but by then, in that kind of fight and low on food.. we could lose."
Some people just sighed, but mostly everyone was silent.
"This is the only way we can be sure we can win... and we have to win. We do this for the Hilltop. It's how we keep this place, it's how we feed this place... This has to be a group decision. Anybody object? Here's your chance to say your peace." Rick finished.
We all looked around the room, and Morgan was the one person to stand up.
"Are you sure we can do it? We can beat them?" Morgan asked.
"What this group has done. What we've learned and been through.. Yes, I'm sure." Rick said.
"Then we just have to tell them that." Morgan said.
I shook my head to myself at the same moment Rick did.
"No. No, they don't compromise." Rick said.
"This isn't a compromise. It's a choice you give them. It's a way out. For them and for us." Morgan said.
"If we talk to the Saviors, we give up our advantage. Our safety. No!" Rick raised his voice. "We have to come for them before they come for us. We can't leave them alive." He said.
"Where there's life, there's possibilities." Morgan try to persuade.
"Of them hitting us!" Rick said.
Morgan then looked around at all of us. "We aren't trapped in this. None of you are trapped in this." He said.
"Morgan..." Rick said, who calmed down a little now. "They always come back."
"Come back when they dead too." Morgan added.
"We'll stop them. We have before." Rick said.
"I'm not talking about the walkers." Morgan rudely said, and then finally sat down.
Rick sighed and scratched his chin anxiously. "Morgan wants to talk to them first. I think that will be a mistake, but it's not up to me." He said and sighed. "Who else wants to talk about the Saviors?"
"What happened here..." A voice blurted out.
We all turned around and saw it was Aaron.
"What happened here." He repeated. "We won't let that happen again, I won't."
He sat back down and we made eye contact. I nodded at him in agreement and he did too.
"Well, its settled. We know exactly what this is." Rick began. "We don't shy away from it, we live... we kill them all."

Another memory that still haunts me to this day flashed before my eyes.
"The Governor slowly looked down at the sword, then looked back up at Rick.
"Liar."
The Governor raised the sword and swung it...
Hershel's neck then sprayed blood and his body became limp. The Governor pushed his body to the floor... Maggie and Beth started sobbing... I began fiercely shaking with rage.
"KILL THEM ALL!" The Governor yelled."

I finally snapped out of it when Daryl grabbed my hand. I looked at him and then pulled away.
"Kell?" He quietly said.
I just shook my head and stood up. Everyone then looked at me, and I looked back. I saw that Tara was thinking what I did, and Maggie would never forget those words.
"I need to leave.." I said and sighed. "Sorry."
I then silently walked outside, and I heard Daryl follow me. I sat down on the steps to the church and bowed my head in between my knees. I tried to keep my breathing steady and not think of anything that could trigger another panic attack.
"Kell." Daryl said as he walked outside. "What happened."
He slowly sat down and began gently rubbing my back. I just sighed and looked up at him.
"What Rick said..." I began to say. "I-I just don't want this to end up like the prison. I don't want anyone to die."
Daryl nodded in agreement and then held my face. We looked into each other's eyes and didn't speak, but we knew. We were going to be just fine. As long as we have each other.
"Everything alright?"
We turned around and saw Rick stepping out of the church and standing behind us. But when I looked at him, I couldn't help but see the Governor.
I just turned my head around and wiped away a single tear. Daryl then wrapped his arm around my shoulder and helped me stand up.
"Yeah, she just needs some space." He said.
I slowly nodded and began walking away, and I didn't look back.