A Survivor's Diary of the Apocalypse (TWD/Daryl Dixon)

S9Pt18 - Fellow Survivors

It's been a few days since we left Alexandria and for the night we hunkered down in an abandoned bookstore in some small town. The kids were quiet as they set up camp behind the front counter and I quickly searched the store and made sure we were safe for the time being. I glanced out the window to check on the horses I tied up to a post, and went to join the kids when I saw they were fine for the night.
"We're all good." I said as I sat down on the floor in a circle with them. "Might even stay here for a couple days to gather some supplies in town."
The kids were quiet and Lee was the only one who nodded in acknowledgement to what I said. I sighed and looked over at Georgia who was staring down into her lap not saying anything. I reached over and held her knee, and she slowly looked up at me.
"I know this is different, and difficult, but we're going to be okay." I told her.
The kids were still quiet and I felt bad for them. It wasn't their fault me and Daryl were fighting all the time, and after the fight in the front yard I couldn't help but think they were upset with me. They didn't chose to leave home— I did— but I still believe it was the right choice. They'll understand... that's what I hope.
"I'm going to be honest with you guys." I began to say, catching all their attention. "And then you guys can be honest with me..."
Lee nodded first and the rest followed, and then I took a deep breath to calm myself down before talking about Daryl again. The situation still made me sad and angry at the same time, but I couldn't even imagine what the kids had to go through, seeing their parents fight like that.
"When me and daddy were fighting, you guys shouldn't have seen that. I'm sorry that you did." I said. "I don't mean to put anything on you guys, and it's not your problem, but things haven't been good between us at all for a long time."
"Why did you end up fighting?" Judith then asked me.
"I told him about your brother, and he freaked out." I said and sighed. "I expected him too, but I didn't think that things would turn out the way they did."
Lee sighed and then I comforted him by rubbing his back. "Hey buddy, it's not your fault."
"I know..." Lee said, and then hesitated.
"And... He's still your dad, that's not gonna change." I said and then looked around at the girls.
"He's not coming back, is he?" Judith asked. "After what you told him."
"I don't know. What I said..." I told them and hesitated myself. "I was angry. I was hurt.. but it was true."
I didn't know if I would ever forget what Daryl said to me, and how much he hurt this family. I didn't know if I wanted to ever forgive him for it either. I knew that I meant everything that I said though, because he probably meant everything he said too. We both went too far this time.
"Good." Lee said. "We don't need him."
I sadly closed my eyes and bowed my head at his words, because I knew this was how things were going to be from now on. Lee grew up without his dad when he needed him most, and after seeing him fight with me over and over, it left it's mark in his memories of his dad. He was still so young, and this is how he was talking about people, about Daryl, already.
"Yeah." Georgia then said, and I was surprised because she was daddy's girl. "I didn't like seeing him hit you. That wasn't right mommy."
"Oh baby..." I said and shook my head.
I was realizing how smart these young kids were, and how quickly they were learning and picking up on how the world is. They were still impressionable, but also they knew right from wrong after everything I've taught them.
"I like Daryl, but I like you more mommy." Judith then said. "I think you're better without him. Stronger."
At first I was upset when Judith said that, because I knew she looked up to Daryl as her father after Rick died, and now I think that was changing. Then, I couldn't help but chuckle quietly and shake my head, because I found what she said was actually funny.
"Yeah, definitely stronger." Georgia agreed.
"And cooler." Lee said. "Like Super Mommy."
"And you guys are my Super Kids." I smiled and ruffled Lee's hair playfully.
I couldn't help myself from softly laughing at them, and they quickly laughed with me. Then I realized this was the first time we've laughed together in awhile. It was moments like this that I'll always cherish, for these happy memories don't happen too much anymore. In times like these, I'll just take what I can get and love every second I have. Because that's what mother's do.