A Survivor's Diary of the Apocalypse (TWD/Daryl Dixon)

S7Pt16 - Shiva

Another day passed in the Kingdom, and that was another day without my kids. I missed Judith and Lee so much, it was killing me to stay here. I began forming a plan, for after I get out of here. I've been thinking about leaving tomorrow morning, and I have yet to bring it up to Daryl.
I know Rick told us to stay here, but it felt impossible. The group needs us, this fight needs us, and our kid needs us. We were going back.

~~~~~~~~~~

Daryl agreed to my plan, and we decided to sleep on it and be rested for tomorrow. I kissed him goodnight and he soon fell asleep, but my mind stayed awake. I stared up at the ceiling for hours until I found myself wandering the streets of the Kingdom.
I walked past a building that seemed oddly familiar, and realized it's where Ezekiel keeps his tiger. Something in me led me into the building and I looked around inside. It was clean, but mostly empty, and there was nothing really around. I then found a door with a sign on it, that read "Shiva's Quarters".
I opened the door and inside in the middle of the room was a huge cage, and inside of it was the tiger.
She roared at me and walked around the cage, and kept her eyes on me. I did the same as I kept my back to the wall.
"Hey there Tiger." I said quietly.
She just watched me as I finally stopped moving. She delicately walked in the cage, showing off her huge paws and sharp teeth.
"You're okay..." I whispered to myself. "You're fine."
I don't know why I was in here with this tiger, but something made me stay. Maybe I knew I had to get over my fear, so I decided to face it head on.
"I'm just gonna sit right here... okay." I said quietly to the tiger.
I then knelt down on the ground and sat down in front of the cage. She came closer to me and gave out a soft growl, probably as a way to intimidate me, but I didn't flinch this time.
She just yawned and snapped her teeth, and then laid down while still facing me. I sighed and rested my chin in the palm of my hand.
"It's Shiva right?" I then asked out loud. "I'm Kelley."
She just flicked her tail and licked her lips, seeming very relaxed around me. I decided to keep quiet, and found some sort of peace watching this beast of a cat that was so close to me.
I soon crossed my legs and kept on watching Shiva, and fidgeted with my prosthetic arm. I rocked myself back and forth and took a deep breath. I couldn't sleep at all, couldn't think straight, and I felt my anxiety building up. This time it wasn't because of the tiger though, it was because of the war with the Saviors.
"Ugh, I'm so fucking tired of this shit Shiva." I then said, and she looked at me.
Shiva stood up and stretched her legs, yawning again and flashing her teeth, before walking straight up to me. Her face was inches from mine and only metal bars separated us.
"I want this to be over with... I want to go back home... I want my kids back..." I vented to Shiva, and then scoffed at myself. "And here I am, sounding like a crazy person, talking to a tiger about my problems."
I just shook my head and stared at this big cat, her eyes an amber brown staring back at mine.
"I miss him too." I then heard a voice say.
I instantly turned my head towards the voice and saw it was just Daryl.
"Jeez Daryl, you always gotta sneak up on me, don't you?" I said and managed a smile.
"I think about Lee everyday." He said, and I heard the pain in his voice. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. I will protect him, and you, with my life Kell. Count on it."
"Oh baby... come here." I said and waved him over.
Daryl nodded and walked over to me, and knelt down on both of his knees behind me. He started massaging my shoulders and I moaned with relief.
"I never thought you'd get so close to this tiger." He then said.
"Me neither." I said.
"What made you come out here?" He asked.
"I don't know... Working through what's going on in me, I guess." I said and leaned against Daryl who wrapped his arms around me.
We then heard the door open again and saw Morgan enter the room, and he leaned against the wall next to us. Shiva then looked at him and growled, then she looked straight at me. Shiva let out a huge roar to try and intimidate us, and me one last time, but it didn't work.
"Well, you're good with her." Morgan said. "Ezekiel will be impressed."
I kept looking at Shiva and we both tilted our heads at each other, and Daryl then squeezed my shoulder.
"Well, I figure someone with a pet tiger can't be that bad." I said. "And he's okay by Carol."
I finally looked over at Morgan and he was surprised I brought up her name. 
"Yeah, we found her, out there in a little cottage." I said.
"Look, what I said..." Morgan said after he took a deep breath. "When I said she just... went away..."
"It's what she told you to do, huh?" I asked, finishing his sentence.
"Yeah." He said quietly.
I just nodded and Daryl did too.
"I get it." Daryl said and looked at Morgan. "We need the Kingdom. You got to make that happen."
Morgan just looked away and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I mean, I— I really am, but uh... it can't be me."
Daryl just sighed and stood up, towering over me and locking eyes with Morgan. "Look, whatever it is you're holding onto... it's already gone man. Wake the hell up."
"You're the same as me Daryl." Morgan then said.
"You don't know shit about me." Daryl spat back.
"No, I do." Morgan changed his tone to seriousness. "Cause you didn't tell Carol what happened... You didn't, because she'd be here otherwise."
"We couldn't... do that to her. Despite everything..." I said.
"And I'm glad for that." Morgan thanked me and then sighed to himself. "See, we're all holding onto something."
I finally stood up and dusted off my jeans. Shiva then softly growled and licked her lips at me. I willingly stuck out my hand, my fingers inching closer to her face.
"Kell..." Daryl quietly said.
I reached out my arm all the way, and Shiva rested her cheek against my palm, allowing me to pet her. She quietly purred and licked my hand, and I scratched her chin and gave her a pat on the head. I pulled my hand back and we just looked at her, and I had a moment with this tiger.
In her eyes, I saw who I really was. I was brave, I was strong, and I was a fighter. I knew at this point what I had to do. I would leave this place to join the fight against Negan. I needed to be there for Lee, for Judith, and I had my husband right next to me.
It was time I finally start fighting for my family.
"We're going back to Hilltop in the morning, we're getting ready." I said.
I then walked past Morgan and out of the room with Daryl following me, and they took one last hard look at each other before the door closed.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was early morning and Daryl and I were ready to leave. We walked to the front gate and saw Richard on duty.
"Open the gate." Daryl said.
"What for?" He asked.
Daryl just glared at him, and I finally got a clear look at Richard. I saw he had a busted lip and bruised cheek from when him and Daryl got into it the other day.
"We're leaving. Let us go." I said.
"It's safer here." He said, but not convincingly.
"Nowhere is safe. Not as long as he's out there." I said and put emphasis on the mention of Negan. "Now, let us go."
Richard slowly nodded and opened the gate, and the large metal doors creaked loudly. Daryl adjusted his new crossbow on his back and I tightened my blade, and together we walked forwards.
The door soon started to close, and as we walked I turned around to look behind me. I saw Morgan watching, Richard, and even Ezekiel in the far distance.
The metal doors slammed shut and I hesitantly looked forwards. Daryl then reached his arm out and I felt his hand on the back of my neck. I looked at him and he just nodded at me, like he could understand what I was thinking and feeling right now.
"Come on." He said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer into him.
I couldn't help but chuckle and I wrapped my arm around his side and rested my head on his shoulder. With every step, we were getting closer to the Hilltop, which means we were eventually closer to home.