A Survivor's Diary of the Apocalypse (TWD/Daryl Dixon)

S9Pt17 - Breaking the News

"I need to talk to you." I said to Daryl quietly as he was watching the kids play tag together in the yard in front of us.
"What's goin' on, Kell?" Daryl said and was still looking at the kids.
"Inside, please." I then said.
Daryl finally looked over at me, and he saw I was serious about something. I wasn't trying to hide anything when my entire face was already telling him it was important.
"Yeah, sure." Daryl then said and nodded.
We then began walking towards the porch to go inside, and I saw that Lee noticed us. I took a deep breath and nodded at him, at which he slightly nodded back to me, and I quickly followed Daryl inside.
We got to standing across from each other and leaning against the kitchen island. I rested my arms on the table and bowed my head, because I didn't know how to tell Daryl about Lee. All over again, I became scared to talk to him.
"Please don't freak out. Please, don't freak out. Just don't freak—" I began repeating to myself in my head.
"Hey, Kell. Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was coming. I couldn't even tell you, I didn't know I was going to until— well, it just happened." Daryl began.
I just looked up at him slowly and then shook my head because that wasn't even what I was worried about, but I decided to let him talk first. I then sighed and stood up and held onto the table with my hand. I look up at Daryl and tilted my head, and then just sighed.
"I just can't believe you're here." I finally said. "After what I found... I mean, jeez Daryl, I thought you were dead."
"Dead?" Daryl asked me. "Why would you think that?"
"Why?" I said and couldn't help but awkwardly scoff. "You don't remember how you left the cabin. It looked like a fucking mess."
"I know, that was—" Daryl began to say, but I already left the table to grab the note out of my bag.
I then set it down on the table and Daryl stared at it. I did too and in that moment remembered everything he wrote in his note. I knew things were bad out there, and things were distant between us, but I couldn't imagine Daryl actually going through with it. Yet, Daryl's changed, and I still wasn't sure how I felt about him and everything that's happened.
"I thought you were going to kill yourself." I then said, breaking the silence. "I didn't fucking know what was going on."
"You read this?" Daryl then asked and carefully picked up the note.
"Of course I did." I said and looked back up at Daryl. "Come on, if you were me, you would've read it too."
Daryl just sighed and nodded as he set the paper back down. He then flipped it over so we couldn't see the words and looked up at me.
"I broke down Kell." Daryl said honestly. "Seeing you, being with you that night, just brought everything back. Everything I was missing. I hated myself. I- I- I just didn't know how to deal."
"I get it Daryl." I told him. "I'm just glad that you're alive. I've been so stressed and scared, and— I- I just don't know what I'd do if it was true."
"That's why I came back." Daryl told me.
"So you're staying?" I then asked, and I felt my heart skip a beat excitedly. "You really coming back."
"Almost." Daryl said, and then he saw my smile fade quickly. "Now, it's only for a few more months—"
"Daryl..." I began to mutter.
"I only have a few more places left to search in. After that, I'm done." He said and put his hands on the counter, and I stared at them. "No more searching, no more leaving... just you and me again. I'll be back and I promise you I'll never leave this family again."
I then looked up from his hands and stared into his eyes, and he saw how exhausted I was. "Why can't you just stop now?" I asked him. "What's a few more—"
"I need to finish it." Daryl suddenly cut me off. "I can't just stop without reaching some sort of end... I at least owe Rick that much." He said.
I just bowed my head and felt my anxiety rising again. I then tapped my fingers on the table and shook my head at my thoughts. I knew what I had to do, and I had to tell Daryl what was going on. Even though I was scared, I still had to do it.
"Kell, what's going on?" Daryl then asked me.
We knew each other so well, he knew I was hiding something, and I finally began to tell him what's happening.
"I've been thinking..." I said and scoffed at myself, then stood up straight as I talked to Daryl. "I'm gonna take the kids and we're leaving Alexandria. Find us a new place, a better—"
"Woah, woah, what?" Daryl interrupted me. "You want to do what?"
"We have to go." I said, not saying more than that.
"Why?" Daryl then asked. "What the hell is going on?"
I just sighed and shook my head, and anxiously shook my hand and arms. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and now Daryl really understood that I was serious about something, not just about leaving Alexandria.
"Something happened, and— and I can't— I can't tell anyone really. It's too dangerous. I need to get us out of here." I said.
"Kell, slow down." Daryl said and walked over to me. "Tell me what's going on. Calm down."
I just looked up at him, and I felt my eyes starting to water. Daryl just shook his head at me and I saw he was getting frustrated because he was confused.
"Oh god, there was an accident.." I told him and held my breath.
I closed my eyes tightly and a few tears streamed down my cheeks, but I quickly wiped them away.
"What kind of accident?" Daryl asked me as I tried to control my breathing. "What could've happened—"
"Just—" I began to say, and Daryl stopped talking. "I need you to just hear me out. I know you're probably gonna be pissed and upset, but please, just let me explain."
"Kelley, I'm not—" Daryl began to say but I shook my head instantly, making him stop talking.
"Listen, I took the kids to go see you at the cabin. They've missed you, I've missed you.. I just thought since I finally found you, we would be together again." I said and took a deep breath, and Daryl nodded at me. "You weren't there... the kids, man, the kids were upset— so I let them play together as I packed up our stuff to go home. They ran into the forest when I wasn't watching and... shit." I muttered to myself.
"Kell..." Daryl said as I paused, and I saw he was starting to begin to understand what I was suggesting.
"My god.." I whispered under my breath and then looked Daryl in the eyes. "The accident. The accident, Daryl. It was Lee. He got... bit." I said with a shaky breath.
Daryl stared at me and I saw his eyes darken. I had to break eye contact and I shuddered from my anxiety. I just wiped my face and let out a single sob, and then covered my mouth. I shook my head and held in my other cries, and slowly looked over at Daryl.
"He's not— he didn't— no... Kell, what are you talking about?" Daryl said, not accepting what I said.
I then sighed because I knew I had to show him Lee, let him have proof, and then he'd understand. Well, maybe understand is the wrong word. If he see's the proof, then he'll just believe me, but that doesn't mean he'll understand.
I then walked to the front door and whistled towards the kids, waving at Lee to come inside. They stared at me because they knew what I was doing, and Lee slowly came towards me. I put my hand on his back and walked us inside, closing the door behind us. Daryl watched as I walked us towards him, and Lee cautiously looked up at Daryl.
"Hey, son." Daryl said and looked down at him.
"Hi, daddy." Lee said normally.
Daryl then nodded and looked up at me, and held out his hand. "See, he's fine." He said.
"Daryl." I said and shook my head. I then looked down at Lee and nodded at him. "It's okay, baby. Show him."
Daryl instantly started shaking his head as Lee began to pull back his shirt.
"Oh..." Daryl gasped and stepped back as he finally saw the bite mark on Lee's shoulder.
Lee dropped his hand and covered the bite, and stayed standing next to me. Daryl covered his mouth in shock and just stared at me with glossy eyes.
"I tried to reach them. I tried. It was too late..." I began to say, my eyes starting to fill with tears again.
"No..." Daryl said and a tear streamed down his cheek.
"What are you doing then?" Daryl then raised his voice at me. "You can't just let him— you have to end it— he's—"
"Daryl." I said over him. "Lower your voice."
"He's bitten." Daryl began to say.
"Stop—" I tried to say.
"We know what happens." Daryl said over me.
"No, list—" I said, but Daryl talked over me again.
"He's gonna turn." Daryl told me.
"Stop it!" I finally raised my voice at him. I then looked down at Lee and exposed his bite to Daryl again. "This happened 4 days ago!"
Daryl stopped talking and tilted his head. He avoided looking at the bite and closed his eyes sadly.
"Look at it." I said, and he shook his head. "It's healing. He's not sick, there's no fever. He's fine."
Daryl then looked at it, and I saw how upset it made him. I couldn't blame him. I was still upset too. Lee's immunity was new territory, and I didn't even know how long it would last.
"Four days ago Daryl!" I then told him again. "You and I both know he would've been dead already."
"That's impossible." Daryl said. "You're lying."
"When have I ever lied to you?" I said and we stared at each other. "I am not lying."
"I'm okay daddy, really." Lee then said, trying to help, but that just made it worse.
"Did she tell you to say that? Really Lee, tell me, is mom lying?" Daryl then asked him.
"No, mommy's right." Lee said.
Daryl just shook his head and began pacing the room and I knew that meant he was getting angry. I slowly backed us up and caressed Lee's head to keep him calm.
"Shhh, shh, baby." I whispered under my breath to him and Lee grabbed onto my leg. "Daryl, no one can find this out. We don't know what someone would do if they knew." I then said, but Daryl kept pacing the room. "That's why we're leaving. It's to keep him safe."
"Safe?" Daryl then spat at me. "You were the one who let him get bit. You did everything but keep him safe!"
"How was I supposed to know? It was an accident. Shit happens." I told him.
"So that just makes it okay?" Daryl asked angrily.
"Of course not!" I said, slightly raising my voice at him. "You think I wanted this? This is my worst fucking nightmare, but I have to deal with it with no help from you."
"This should've never happened." Daryl said and glared at me, then pointed at his own chest. "I would've never let this happen."
"Too bad you are gone all the time to ever show me different then." I said and then shook my head at him. "You know what, I don't need your approval for anything. We are fucking leaving, and if you don't want to come with us, then fine. We've managed without you this whole time."
"Managed?" Daryl said and scoffed. "If you keep doing this, you'll get all of them killed."
"It wasn't my fault!" I finally yelled at him. "Horrible shit happens, and yeah, it fucking sucks, but I don't need you to tell me how shitty of a person I am! You think I don't blame myself. I do! Of course I do!"
"It should've been you." Daryl then said, making the entire room go silent.
I just stared at him and felt myself wanting to cry, yet at the same time my blood was boiling. I just clenched my fist, and Daryl pointed at me as he walked forwards. Lee tightened his grip on my pant leg and stepped to the side to hide behind me.
"It should've been you." Daryl then repeated himself.
"You don't think I wish it was me instead of him?" I asked him. "By God, I wish it was me. I wish it was me! But it's not. I have to live with that... But guess what, I'm not running around like a pussy blaming everyone else for it, now am I?" I said and looked him up and down.
I knew the way I just looked at him pissed him off, but I could care less. I was tired of Daryl treating me like shit, especially when we should be working together to help Lee's situation right now.
"I'm done." Daryl then said. "I can't do this anymore."
"Fine." I scoffed at him and shook my head. "Run away again. That's all you're good at."
Daryl began walking away towards the front door and I chased after him. I wasn't finished talking to him, and I wasn't going to let him go so easily. I then managed to block the door with my body in front of him, and he glared down at me.
"You're being a fucking coward." I told Daryl. "Your son needs you. Your kids need you. Do you even fucking care?" I asked him.
"All I know is that anyone even six feet from you ends up fucking dead. I'm not going to stick around to see the rest of my kids die." Daryl said to me.
He then grabbed my shoulders and shoved me to the side. I struggled as he put his hands on me, but he continued to push me. He managed to unlock the door and stepped outside, but I followed him.
"You are so fucking weak." I said as I followed him down the steps and towards the street. "All you're good at is leaving."
I saw the kids noticed us, and Michonne was still there too. Rosita and Gabriel were by the gate in the distance, and others were eavesdropping on our argument.
"Whatever." Daryl scoffed at me but didn't turn around. He kept walking forwards, but heard my footsteps behind him, and then angrily shook his head. "I wish I did fucking kill myself. Would've saved me all this trouble!"
"You are so fucking rude!" I yelled at him, and I felt my heart breaking every second. "You son of a bitch!" I cried out of hurt.
I continued to follow him and now everyone watched us as we walked into the street. Daryl was stomping in front of me, but I was catching up to him.
"You just fucking tear everything apart Kelley!" Daryl yelled at me. "You're the real fucking plague."
"You're a fucking dumbass." I yelled back at him. "You're ego is so inflated you don't see how fucking stupid you are. You're pathetic."
"No, you're fucking pathetic!" Daryl yelled and turned around to face me. "Everyone who gets close to you ends up dying. Your family. Your friends. Hell, even your fucking dog! I'm not sticking around to see who's next."
"Fuck you Daryl!" I yelled at him. "Agh, I hate you!"
"I fucking hate you! Gahhh, I fucking hate this!" Daryl yelled in my face and threw up his hands. "You know, I meant it when I said you should've never made it out of Atlanta. I wish you fucking died there!"
Daryl then instantly grabbed my arms out of anger and pushed me back, but I began to fight back. I wasn't going to take Daryl manhandling me anymore. I began by stomping on his toes and kneeing him, but he just kicked me backwards and threw me to the side. He then tripped me and I fell backwards onto the concrete, and Daryl threateningly towered over me .
"You are insane, Kelley!" He yelled at me. "You deserve this! Everything that's bad that happens to you, you fucking deserve it." He then yelled again and grabbed my face.
I grunted and tried to shake out of his grasp when he grabbed my hand to hold me down. I heard people start yelling and moving around but I didn't see them. I only had tunnel vision, and I was focused on protecting myself from Daryl. In the moment, I decided to swung out my arm to push Daryl off of me. I didn't realize my blade was still attached, so I managed to slash Daryl as I swung my arm at him. He instantly reached down at his stomach and laid his hand over his shirt, where blood was starting to soak the fabric. He backed away from me and I crawled away from him, in shock of what just happened. Daryl looked down at the blood seeping through his fingers, and then regretfully looked up at me.
"Leave my mommy alone!" We then all heard Lee scream out.
I turned my neck to look behind me and saw Lee standing on the porch, and he was aiming a pistol directly at Daryl. Daryl raised up one hand slowly as he still held his stomach with the other, and he slightly stumbled as he stepped back. I then quickly got up and held my hand out to Lee, who was shaking in fear with the gun still aimed.
"Lee, put the gun down baby." I told him calmly.
"Lee, it's okay." Daryl began to say.
"It's not okay." Lee said, and I heard the pain in his voice. "You're not okay."
"Lee, baby, look at me." I told him.
Lee then slowly looked away from Daryl and finally made eye contact with me. His eyes were glossy from his tears and he was on the verge of a breakdown. No matter what was going on, I didn't want Lee to pull that trigger. That would be a mistake no one could ever take back.
"Put it down." I said again, and waved my hand down.
Lee started breathing heavily and his hands started shaking from the weight of the gun, so he finally lowered his hands. I then quickly went up to him and pulled the pistol out of his hand and tossed it to the side away from us. He collapsed in my arms and hugged me tight, and I felt him begin to sob.
"I'm sorry baby." I said and pet his hair. "Mommy's okay. We're okay."
I then turned around and glared at Daryl with deadly eyes. I pulled Lee to the side and he stood behind me, and I stood proudly in front of him, showing Daryl that I was his only protector. Even if I did prevent Daryl from getting shot just now, he saw that I clearly chose Lee over him.
"Kell— Kell, I'm sorry." Daryl began to say.
"Shut.. the fuck.. up." I growled at him.
I then took a threatening step forwards, and Daryl watched me. I looked down at his wound that I gave him, then looked back up to look him in the eyes. So many emotions were running through my head, and seeing Daryl's face right now was infuriating me. I've never been so mad in my life, especially towards Daryl, but he escalated it into this. This time, it was his fault. This, was on him.
"I can't believe I ever loved you." I then said, and my anger began to outweigh my sadness. "I never lied about how I felt, I didn't lie about Lee, and now I'm not lying when I tell you to fucking leave."
"That's what I was trying to do." Daryl said, and slightly grunted in pain as he stood back up straight.
"And never come back." I added seriously. "You get away from here. I don't care what the fuck you do. I don't care where you go. I don't care if you die... You leave us alone."
Daryl just stared at me, but I didn't back down. I then took another step forwards and raised my blade up at him. He took a step backwards, making me take two more closer to him.
"Didn't you just hear me?" I said, and felt my voice ready to scream. "Get the fuck out of here! Go!"
Daryl just stared at me and held up his hand to try and talk this out, but it was too late. I made up my mind. I was going to leave to protect the kids, and get as far away from Daryl as possible.
"Kelley, let's talk—" Daryl tried to say.
"We're done talking." I spoke over him. "We're done. Get it? I don't want you here anymore. I don't want to see you. I want nothing to do with you."
Daryl stared at me for a long second and then looked at the kids who were petrified watching us. He then looked at Michonne who had her hand on her katana, and was ready to use it if she needed. Rosita was also closer than before and had her hand on his pistol, and she was prepared to draw it in a second. He then looked at Lee, standing afraid on the porch and staring at Daryl with wide eyes. He then bowed his head in defeat and looked down at his hand that was covered in blood from his wound. He then looked up at me, and I felt no mercy when I looked back at him.
"If I ever see you again, I promise you that that little gash," I said and nodded towards his wound. "will be the least of your worries. And if you ever put your hands on me again Daryl Dixon— ha, you best pray I'm dead, because I will not hesitate."
Daryl just looked at me silently, and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I was looking back at Daryl, and in this moment, I didn't even know who I was seeing. This wasn't the Daryl I knew in the beginning. He's changed so much, and more or less for the worse, and I finally saw that. And when he looked back at me, he finally saw me for who I am. Someone who's not afraid, and someone he couldn't hurt anymore.
Then without another word, Daryl began backing away. I silently watched as he got further away, and he was the first to turn around. I watched his back as he walked towards the gate, and I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding in. I then heard Michonne sigh next to me and re-sheath her katana, and then she hugged Georgia who was breathing heavily. Rosita then glared at Daryl as she holstered her pistol and jogged over to me, but I became frozen in shock. She then stood in front of me and placed her hand on my shoulder and began talking but I didn't hear her.
"Kelley." I faintly heard her voice and looked over at her. "Kelley, you hear me?"
I started to nod and I felt my heart start beating quickly from my anxiety. My eyes started to water and my lip started to quiver.
"My god, what happened?" She said.
I just shook my head, because I couldn't tell her about Lee. As much as I trusted Rosita, and how closer we've gotten over the years, Lee's situation was to be kept a secret at all costs.
"I don't know..." I said and shook my head, and then heard the bang of the gates closing, signifying that Daryl was truly gone. "But, it's over."

~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a few days since I've announced me and the kids were leaving Alexandria, and today was our last day. The group was upset, but after everything that's happened, and what everyone saw happened with Daryl, they didn't try and stop me.
Michonne came to the house today and let herself inside only to see me rushing the last bits of packing up. She watched as I walked into the living room and grabbed a picture frame off the mantlepiece, staring at the picture of me, Daryl, and all the kids, before turning my head away and putting it in my last duffel bag.
"So... You're really leaving?" Michonne asked me.
I just zipped up the bag and sighed deeply before shaking my head and walking away from her. "I'm sorry Michonne, but I have to."
"I know you're dealing with a lot, but it's a lot safer here." She tried to convince me, but I didn't listen.
"This place is anything but that." I scoffed and told her. "I can't take it anymore."
"What about the kids?" Michonne asked.
"They'll be with me. We'll be fine. Just not here." I said and tossed my bags outside. "Kids, finish up, we're leaving." I then called out to them.
"Kelley, you don't have to do this." Michonne said.
I looked at her sadly, but also I knew I wasn't going to turn back now. The kids then ran down the stairs with their bags and silently walked out the front door. We just watched them until I looked back at Michonne.
"You may not understand right now, but this is what has to happen..." I said and we just stared at each other, and then I pulled her in for a hug. "I love both you and RJ so much, and I'll miss you guys."
"We'll miss you, too." Michonne said.
I then let go and sighed as I picked up both of my duffel bags. I then remembered that I was forgetting something important that I needed to give to Michonne. I dropped the duffel bags and quickly walked up the stairs to my bedroom, before walking back down with Lucille in my hands. Michonne watched me as I twisted the bat in my hand and then sighed.
"After all these years, I've kept this. I don't know why... maybe, maybe I just needed something to help me remember." I said, and then handed it to her, which she hesitantly took. "I don't care what you do with it. Keep it, throw it away... hell, burn it in front of Negan if you want... I just can't bring that with me."
"I understand... I'll deal with it." Michonne said and carefully leaned the bat against the wall beside her.
"Thank you." I sighed.
I then bowed my head and walked back over to pick up my duffel bags so I could leave. Michonne then softly put her hand on my shoulder and I raised my head to look at her.
"The gates will always be open for you. Whenever you want to come back, come back." Michonne said softly.
"Thank you again, Michonne." I whispered.
We then sadly nodded at each other before I walked out of the house to join the kids. I saw Rosita was standing outside with two horses all tacked up and ready to go, and she slightly smiled at me. I walked over to her and instantly hugged her.
"I thought you'd want horses rather than a car. Doesn't need gas, they're quieter, plus the kids love them." Rosita said as she pulled away.
"Thank you." I told her sincerely.
We were then silent as we watched the kids start petting the horses, and for the first time since the last fight with Daryl, they smiled.
"I get why you're doing this." Rosita said, and I just looked at her. "You're doing the right thing."
I nodded at her, and gave her one last hug.
"You don't have to deal with that shit, you know. Too many other things you gotta worry about." Rosita said.
"I know." I said and patted her back.
I then pulled back and strapped my duffel bags to the back of the horse, then slung my backpack onto my back. The kids were already wearing their backpacks and I helped Judith and Georgia sit on one horse, and myself and Lee got on the other. I then grabbed the reins of the girls' horse and wrapped it around the horn of my saddle to pony them, and lastly grabbed my own reins.
"Kelley." Michonne called out, and I saw she walked over to stand next to Rosita. They then looked at each other and Rosita nodded. "If we see Daryl around, I'll make sure he gets the memo."
I knew what she was referencing to, and I couldn't help but smirk, and they smirked back at me. I then nodded in thanks and began riding to the front gates. Eugene was on gate duty, and he already had the gates open for me because he knew I was leaving.
"Thank you Eugene." I called out to him.
He waved at me and nodded his head. "Good luck on your endeavors Kelley. Be safe young ones." He said.
The kids waved back at him and I nodded, and I rode out of the gates, and the open street was all that was in front of us now. The gates closed in the now distance behind us, and I took in a deep breath of fresh air.
"So, what's the plan mommy?" Judith asked.
"We're gonna travel. Find new places. Make somewhere our new home." I said and looked over at her and gave her my best smile. "No matter where we end up, we'll always have each other."
"Right." She said and smiled back.
And with that being said, we left Alexandria behind us as we rode into our new beginning. For years, Alexandria has been a place that has brought so much pain and suffering... and death... along with it. First Glenn and Abraham, then Carl, Rick... and now Daryl. I would find us a better place, where the kids will grow up knowing they are safe. Where we will live out the rest of our lives with no fear of losing each other anymore. No more fighting, just living.