A Survivor's Diary of the Apocalypse (TWD/Daryl Dixon)

S4Pt10 - Heartbroken

"KILL THEM ALL!" The Governor yelled.
In just a few seconds, all hell broke loose. We all started firing at each other. I saw Rick run behind the bus in the field, but his leg got shot. Carl was shooting everything in sight. Daryl was popping off rounds, and I was killing every single person I saw.
Next thing I knew the tank bulldoze through the fence and their army flooded in. The sound attracted walkers and they were now infesting the field of the prison. The tank shot a hole in the wall of the prison that tore down the gate, and we all ducked for cover. I got separated from Daryl and couldn't find Carl. I shot more people that were trying to run into the prison, and shot walkers that were approaching us. I then saw Rick limping up to the courtyard, and he looked severely beat up.
"Daryl!" I called out.
I then heard the tank blow up and finally saw him. Daryl was running away with the explosion with Beth.
"Daryl!" I cried, but he couldn't hear me.
I was about to run after him when a walker grabbed my arm. I pushed it down to the ground and kept stabbing it out of rage.
"Carl!" Rick yelled. "Carl!"
I quickly got up and ran over to Rick who collapsed in my arms. His face was swollen and beat up, fresh and dry blood covered his body.
"Have you seen Carl?" He wheezed.
I shook my head and helped pick Rick up. Then we heard a thud behind us. We looked back and saw Carl shot a walker that was close to us. Rick started crying and Carl ran up and hugged him. I hugged Carl and made him look at me.
"Judith. Where is she?" I asked him.
"I don't know." Carl said.
Rick sobbed and we hugged each other. Walkers started to swarm the prison we didn't see anyone that was alive.
"We need to leave." I said and wiped my tears. "We need to leave.."
Rick nodded his head and Carl helped me walk him. We were about to leave through the backside of the prison when we saw a baby carrier. We slowly walked over to it, and hoped Judith was there. Looking inside of it, there was no Judith, just blood.
"No!!!" I cried.
I fell to my knees in front of the carrier and touched it.
"No..." I sobbed.
Rick and Carl were crying behind me. I never felt so heartbroken. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. She was like my daughter, and I lost her. I didn't protect her. Carl saw a walker walking up to us and shot hit. He unloaded the rest of his ammo on it and screamed. Rick pulled him back and they hugged. They then picked me up and we ran off. It was no longer safe there, and we were forced back onto the road.
"It's over." Rick said. "It's over."
We walked up a hill on a path that lead through the forest. Carl was on one side of Rick and I saw on the other, and we kept looking forwards.
"Don't look back Carl." Rick coughed and wheezed. "Just keep walking."
So we did. We walked into the forest and left the prison behind with everything else. We went far, far away.

~~~~~~~~~~

The sun was setting and it wasn't safe to be out in the open at night. No walkers were following us, which was the best thing that's happened all day.
Carl was walking ahead up us and I was helping Rick. He was holding his ribs and the bullet to his leg slowed him down. Carl hasn't spoke a word since the prison, but I couldn't blame him.
"Carl, slow down." Rick said.
Carl just kept walking.
"Carl!" Rick yelled.
"Carl, stop." I said.
He finally stopped and waited until we got behind him, then kept walking.
"We need supplies, a place to stay. We can't be out in the open like this at night." Rick said.
We walked a little farther and saw a bar with motorcycles in front of it. I instantly thought of Daryl. I wiped my tears and stood tall. I needed to stay strong for them, or we wouldn't survive here.
"Wait outside. Keep watch." Rick said to Carl.
"You keep watch. You can barely walk as it is." Carl argued back.
I sighed and walked past them into the bar, leaving them outside. I killed one walker and called them in. I sat at the bar, they searched the place, and we took a minute to rest up.
"What you get?" I asked as they came back.
Rick held up a bottle of water and Carl had a jar of pickles. I nodded my head and took them and put them in my bag.
"Let's head out, find somewhere to stay for a few days to rest." I said.
I held out my hand to Rick and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I raised my hand out to Carl, but he ignored it and left the bar. Once again, we were on the road, following Carl who wanted nothing to do with us.
The sun was down and stars were coming out when we approached a neighborhood. We instantly went inside the house. We checked all the downstairs rooms, which we clear, then looked up the stairs. Carl started walking up them when we stopped him.
"Carl. Just stop." Rick hissed.
Carl turned around, looked at us, and started hitting the wall.
"Hey asshole! Hey shitface!" Carl yelled. "Hey-"
"Watch your mouth." Rick yelled back.
"Are you kidding?" Carl said. "If one was here, they'd be down here by now."
I sighed and nodded at Carl to go upstairs. Rick left to search the kitchen and Carl came back downstairs to help me fortify the living room. Carl tied a knot on the door and I set down my bag that was heavy on my back. Rick came back and tried to push a couch in front of the door.
"I tied the door shut." Carl said.
"We don't need to take any chances." Rick weakly said.
"You don't think it will hold?" Carl asked.
"Carl." Rick sighed.
"It's a strong knot. Clove hitch." Carl said and paused. "Shane taught me.. remember him?"
"Carl." I yelled.
"Yeah. I remember him. I remember him everyday." Rick said angrily. "There something else you want to say to me?"
"If you would've just killed the prisoners when you saw them, mom wouldn't be dead! If you killed the Governor when you went to meet him, Hershel wouldn't be dead! Judith wouldn't be dead, Daryl wouldn't!" Carl yelled. "We would all still be back at the prison. All of this happened because of your SHITTY DECISIONS!" He screamed and pointed at Rick.
I flinched when Carl said their names and stared at him. His expression was upsetting and Rick was silent. Carl then turned around and ran upstairs alone.
"I'm sorry..." I managed to say.
Rick sighed and sat on the couch in the living room. "He's right."
"Maybe.." I said. "Maybe not."
Rick groaned in pain and I took out the first aid kit in my bag.
"Where'd you get that?" Rick asked.
"Daryl gave it to me while you were talking with the Governor." I said.
I wiped a few tears from my eyes and Rick grabbed my hand. "We'll find him."
I pulled my hand away from him and stared at the wall. I didn't believe him and I knew he didn't either. I began cleaning up Rick's wounds on his face and hands. I lifted up his shirt and saw his ribs were bruised.
"You may have a few broken ribs. You just have to rest and heal." I said.
Rick nodded and wheezed, holding his side. Carl then came back downstairs with blankets and pillows.
"You should eat." Rick said.
He grabbed a bag of chips out of my bag and held them out to Carl.
"We should save it. Kelley doesn't have enough food to last us forever." Carl muttered.
Rick tried to sit up but I pushed him back down. He threw the bag at Carl and they glared at each other.
"Eat it." Rick ordered. "Now."
"Enough!" I yelled at them. "I get it, we're all angry about what happened, but knock this shit off. All we have is each other now."
Rick sighed and Carl just sat there.
"Carl, can you set up your blankets?" I asked. "It's late."
"You're not my mom." Carl rudely said.
"I know.." I said, a little bit upset. "But just fucking do it." I raised my voice at him.
Carl sighed and started setting up his blankets, and laid down for bed. After I finished helping Rick, he soon fell asleep. I sat against the couch at his feet and watched Carl as he slept. He was shivering in his sleep, slurring his words, probably having a bad dream.
As for myself, I was awake all night. I checked on Rick throughout the night, making sure he was still alive and breathing. I kept watch and refused to go to sleep. I didn't trust anything out here, and I didn't trust myself or my thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~

I got up the next morning to go into the bathroom. Both Rick and Carl were still asleep so I took this as time to be alone. I stood in the bathroom and just stared at myself in the mirror. I held onto the sink and suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I bent over the toilet and threw up what food I had left in me, and then closed the lid. I wiped my mouth and looked back in the mirror. I turned on the sink, hoping for water, but only a few drops came out. I sighed and walked back into the living room. But once I got back, I didn't see Carl in his bed.
"Oh, shit." I muttered.
I saw that the knot on the door was taken off and guessed that he went outside. I automatically ran outside and searched the streets for Carl. I couldn't risk calling out for him because I didn't want to attract any walkers. Then at the end of the street, I saw a figure sitting on top of the roof with his legs dangling over the ledge. As I got closer I blocked the sun from my view, and saw it was Carl.
"Carl!" I called.
He looked at me and waved. I smiled and waved back.
"What are you doing up there?" I asked.
"Eating pudding." He said and held up a can.
I smiled and nodded. "Find anything else?" I asked.
He shook his head and I waved for him to come down. He tossed the pudding can off the roof, jumped down, and walked over to my side. I grabbed his shoulder and hugged him.
"Don't ever scare me like that again." I said.
He nodded and we walked back to the house together.