Caught In The Cyclone Of Love (COMPLETED)

Chapter - 8

I was so tired when I got back home, but my mind was replaying Ani's conversation again and again. When in the cab, I told V about me going back to India he was quite elated. He thought that it is a happy moment for me to visit all my friends after almost three years, but he does not know the whole story about my past. I don't want him to pity me for my past, that is why I did not tell him the full truth. Not even the time I spent with my friends did help me take my mind off it. So, I did what helps me to take my mind off the reality and wrote a letter to my Ajju like always. it helps me feel relieved and I think of it as a way of communication between him and me. I am still a little paranoid about my decision to go back to India, it is not like you are going there forever, my brain told me and I agreed with it.

I have to go back to the place which I once considered as heaven in my life. It still is a heaven to me, but I am afraid to go back to the place that also reminds me that nothing is stable or permanent in life. From the time I came to London, my friends tried so hard to make me visit India at least once, but they could not succeed. Now I have to go, it is Ani's important and happy moment and I don't want her to worry about me on her special day.

I think Krish and my other friends are correct, maybe I am afraid to go back into my past that I left unsolved. It is a puzzle I was reluctant to solve and I am still reluctant. But I can't go on like this forever. I will have to face it one or the other time, and I think now is a good time for that. I have made up my mind and I am going back to Bangalore to face the most cherished part of my life. With these thoughts in mind, I hit the bed and I did not know when sleep engulfed me, but I had a dreamless sleep for the first time in almost three months. I have had night mares threatening to swallow me inside a deep dark hole and I would wake up with sweat covering me even in London's winter climate.

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It has been ten days since I took the decision to go back to India and I am right now sitting in the balcony of my studio trying to connect all the dots, that are somehow related to one another. Around three months ago, I had a dream about a faceless man being attacked by some bulky people and he was not even trying to defend himself from them. It felt like he was trying to convey something to me and it was like he was pulling me somewhere. Then one day I dreamt about my hostel room back in Bangalore. Then around two weeks ago, I had a weird dream, in which I was surrounded by so many people, yet I felt so lonely. It looked like I was covered in a thin vacuum bubble and even after trying so many times I could not get out of it.

By the looks of the place, it looked like a hall or an auditorium, I don't know as it was all blurry and the place was covered in fog. I thought of consulting with a psychiatrist but I have to leave for India in less than 24 hours. I think the universe is trying to convey something to me through my dreams. And if I am correct, it looks like it is insisting me to go back to India, but for what I don't know. This is just my theory and I don't even know dreams like these have any significance or not. Any how I have to stop thinking about that and try to cheer up the sulking Dumbo in front of me.

Krish is sitting in front of me, scribbling something in his hand book. I have tried asking him to concentrate on the upcoming contest which is one of the famous and toughest contests of the year. He will have to handle it without me as I have planned to surprise Anika by going there three days before she asked me to come, and thanks to Rob, he handled all the travelling arrangements and booked my flight for tomorrow, without telling her. He is such a good friend and is like a big brother to me.

"Krish stop scribbling and look at me", I lost my patience when he did not look at me and snatched the note book from his hand and looked at it, and I was shocked. He has written I WILL MISS YOU in big bold letters and he was doodling my name under it. I could not even form a coherent sentence because of the huge lump in my throat. In the time we have been friends, he is like my rock and he has supported me and encouraged me whenever I felt low. He is like a blessing to me. I already had tears in my eyes when I looked at him, and to my surprise he was wiping his eyes with his shirt sleeve.

Krish is not someone who will break down in public, nor is he a cry baby. This means how much he loves me and what place I hold in his life. I love him too, and he holds a dear place in my heart, a place not even Anika could compete for. "Hey Krish, come here", I held out my arms and he jumped up from his seat and hugged me like he was afraid I might disappear into thin air if he left me. "Don't worry, dumbo. I will be gone only for three weeks at the most and be back before you feel the freedom of not having me to annoy you. And in the meantime Gavi will be there to entertain you", I teased him in the hope of lifting his mood. "I know", that is all he said.

"Hey, buddy come on. What is wrong?", I pursued him, because I have a feeling that he is having a conflict inside his head. He broke the hug, moved away and wiped his eyes. He went near the railing and started staring off into space. Confused, I followed him and stood beside him and waited for him to open up. After sometime he held my hand and faced me. I looked at him, trying to figure out what is bothering him so much. He had a blank look in his eyes. "Sana, I know you are going to be there only for a month and I for sure know you will come back, but I feel like you are not going to come back. I have a gut feeling that the circumstances there won't allow you to comeback and I am afraid that you will be hurt again.", he said and I was so moved by his concern for me.

Even I have a small thought that this trip is going to be something, that might change my life forever. But I did not share this with anyone. Here this guy also has the same feeling and is so concerned about me. I kicked the sinking feeling in my stomach and mustered up what I assumed as a bright smile and told him, "Hey buddy. I promise you, I won't stay there for more than one month and I will come back even if I have to sneak out of the country, ok." He smiled at me and nodded his head.

Encouraged by his smile I teased him, "You are not planning to escape her wedding, are you? If you have such a thought, you must know that she is someone who will stop her own wedding to come here and drag you by your legs to India. So better get ready for the flight, buddy", thankfully he laughed this time and I succeeded in diverting his mind. "I am sure she is capable of that, and I will see you there at her wedding", he told me.

I told all my students that I am going to take a break for a while and all their faces looked crest fallen. These small boys and girls became so close to me in the time that I have been here and I will miss them all so much. Alisa ran towards me and hugged my legs, when her mom came to pick her up. I knelt down in front of her, gave her a hug and kissed her cheeks. I took her out to get her some ice cream and sent her with her mom after spending some quality time with her. After that I spent my remaining time with Krish and he came with me to my flat as it is my last night in London, before I come back here after a month, hopefully.

All of a sudden it feels like the first day I was here in my flat, two and a half years ago. I felt so out of place in this foreign country when I first came here. It was so difficult for me to adapt to this different atmosphere and after so many days I feel that I have somewhere to go to when I feel low. This place will be there for me always, or that is what the land lord told me when I rented it. It is funny to think that I almost lost my balance and fell down when she told me, I could consider it as my own house and she even refused to receive rent from me, saying that she owes it to someone. Maybe to mother Maria, but after a lot of pursuing I somehow made her take the rent from me.

Krish shook me back to reality, I must have zoned out while thinking about my early days in London. "Hey beauty, where are you lost?", he pinched my arm not so friendly. I swatted his hand away and glared at him. "Nothing I am just thinking about the early days", I mumbled and made myself comfortable on the couch. "It feels like all of that happened only yesterday, but my young lady has grown so much and is ready to leave her old friend for good", he said so dramatically and made a sign of wiping his invisible tears.

I threw a cushion at him, and switched off the TV. "stop joking, dumb head. Unlike you, I have a flight to catch tomorrow, so I would like to get some sleep", I said and got up from the couch to got to my bedroom. "Oh, I know your strategy, you are trying to get away from here, because you are already missing this beautiful face", he showed his face with one hand and fanned himself with the other. Such a drama queen.

"Stop over reacting my dear drama queen and get some sleep, good night", I told him and ran inside my room. "What the hell, Sana? I am not a drama queen", he was shouting at me, but I had already shut the door. "Good night, Krish", I shouted one last time and decided to sleep. I wanted to call him drama queen once again, but I don't want to take the risk. He might even come here and bang my door, just to disturb my sleep, drama queen. I slept with a smile on my face.

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