Living with Jennifer Lawrence

[39:] Jailbreak Part 1

WARNING: This book is rated PG-13 for a reason and contains explicit language, triggering scenes for some people, and maybe even a sex scene. If you can't handle it/don't like it, then stop reading.

Logan's P.O.V.

I can't wait until trial.

I'm not excited or anything, that's the last emotion I'm feeling. I'm more anxious and worried. My nails are bloody and raw from me constantly gnawing on them.

The trial probably won't be for a few months, but I just can't take it anymore.

I need to escape.

Being in jail is torture. It is a very lonely place.

I wake up everyday knowing that there is no person for me to lean on, no one to share my secrets with, and there's no one I can completely trust.

I know it's my fault that I'm here, and now I have to pay the price. I know I have sinned, and apparently part of that is ex-communication from the world.

In a few more weeks, I will have reached the two year mark. But every single day is the same.

For almost two years, I've woken up on the same side of a tiny mattress, at the same time, I know what's for breakfast because it is the same menu from week to week. The only amount of freedom I get is to go outside just to walk in a circle, then come back in. I have gotten to know some guys who can tell you how many cracks are on the pavement, or how many lines are on the walls.

As I've said, being in jail is lonely. I'm surrounded by hundreds of people daily, but I am the only one who has to deal with my internal struggle, the anxiety of waiting for my court date to be released. It takes a long time to do this, it must be a process or something.

But despite the loneliness and deprivation I get here, there is also something else I have.

Time.

I have so much time to think. I think of who I am and what I did to bring me to this place.

I'm being charged with second degree murder. Meaning I intentionally killed someone, but didn't plan it ahead of time. Not pre-meditated, in other words.

I'll never forget that day.

I was recently released from the, what I call “mental hospital,” and was excited to be free.

But that didn't last long.

For a week I was fine. Just having a normal life, or at least trying to.

But the urge to kill was too great, and I knew exactly who my target would be.

His name was Ethan. The two of us were the best of friends. We were inseparable. We played video games together, and spent most of our time hanging out. He was like the brother I never had.

Then I started dating this girl, Melissa, and man, was she gorgeous. Everything a guy could ever want. She was sexy, and also knew how to cook.

We dated for almost a year. Then, one day, she broke up with me. “Babe, I think we need a break,” is what she told me. When I asked her why, she said that, “I think we should meet new people.”

I confided in Ethan, told him everything. Little did I know, he was the reason Melissa dumped me. My now ex-girlfriend was cheating on me with my best friend.

Of course I was mad. I mean, who wouldn't be?

I had wanted to kill him then. Literally. I told my younger sister about this, thinking I could trust her. Usually, I could have. She was great with secrets.