Living with Jennifer Lawrence

[90:] Gender Reveal

Maddie

"You're sure everything will be okay?" I asked for the tenth time.

At our little birthday party, I had slipped on some ice and fell on my bottom, and I was worried that it affected the baby somehow. I didn't want anything to happen to him or her.

The moment I fell, I screamed and cried because I feared the worst. Jen had knelt down to my level and tried her best to comfort me. She's had a miscarriage before, and it hurts her to this day. Every now and then I'll catch her lost in thought, looking at the tattoo on her wrist, reminded of the baby that'll never be.

She called and made an appointment, and they were able to see me relatively quickly. 

I now am laying on a thin bed, at my appointment, my shirt up, and my doctor was about to put some ultrasound gel on my stomach. 

Austin, of course, wasn't able to make it. He's still in Japan and will be there for a few more months. We message each other just about everyday. 

"Yes," my doctor reassured me. She had a kind smile. "Falling during pregnancy can make you panic, which you did. But your body is designed to protect your developing baby during pregnancy. Any injury would have to be severe enough to seriously hurt you before it would directly harm your baby. The walls of your uterus are thick, strong muscles that help keep your baby safe."   

I let out a huge sigh of relief once we were able to hear the heartbeat. It was healthy and strong. I couldn't express the amount of love I had for that little blob on the screen. It was unlike anything I've experienced before. One person was allowed in the room, and I wanted Jen to be there. She was my mother, after all. 

The gel felt cold to the touch."Would you like to know your baby's gender?"     

I looked at my mother, and she squeezed my hand tight. "Do you want to know?" she mouthed.

I've never felt more sure in my life. I nodded slowly. "Yes, I want to know."   

"You're having a girl!" Despite announcing genders of babies to their families being part of her job, she still said it with genuine excitement, as if this was her first time saying it.

I couldn't help the fact that I had tears starting to form in my eyes. I hadn't cared if that baby was a boy or girl. I just wanted the baby to be healthy, and she is.

My heart fluttered, and it swelled up with pure joy. I stared at the screen that showed me my baby, and I was suddenly content with my life and the way it turned out. This moment felt surreal, but I tried my best to take everything in.

Jen pressed her forehead against mine and she, too, began to cry. "Are you sure?" she joked. When she was pregnant with Ryan, she was told she was having a girl, but that's not what happened in the end.

"Absolutely. Look," she said and pointed at the screen, explaining how she knows.

A new wave of joy rushed over me. My baby was okay, and I would be, too.

* * *

Josh asked the same thing when I told him the gender: "Are you sure?"  He and Jason were in the waiting room, and my brother had Ryan in his arms. 

"Yes," I answered. 

I loved my family, though I didn't expect to be in this one. They've always been supportive of me, and took me in when I needed them most. 

They saved my life, and I could never repay them.

I promised myself to give my baby the best life possible. She'd never have to be put in multiple foster homes, feeling alone. She'd never lack basic necessities: food, water, love, shelter. She'd never have to struggle to survive like I once did. She'd never become severely malnourished, or feel abandoned or anything like that. 

* * *

On the drive home, I stared at the printed picture of the ultrasound the doctor gave me. I was excited to tell Austin, and to finally meet her.

There was so much preparation that needed to be done. Creating a little space for her to sleep in, getting all of the supplies, and picking a name. I could think of several. It was hard trying not to feel overwhelmed with it all.

To be honest, I thought of my due date a lot.

August 14th was the only day on my mind.

* * *

Goodbye 2017 and hello 2018!! (this book ends at 97, woo-hoo!!)