Living with Jennifer Lawrence

[78:] Bubble Boy

Maddie

I felt so tired.

Christmas was in a few days, and I wanted to sleep for a week.

I'm glad I'm out of school until the new year. I had no desire to go.

Not that long ago, we put our tree up. Ryan helped us hang ornaments on it. “Helping” consisted of one of us hanging to pick him up and he tried to place it in the right spot. He dropped a few of them, but it was a good experience.

When Josh untangled the Christmas lights, Ryan got into them somehow and tangled himself in it. Jen plugged them in and took a picture of Ryan smiling. He smiles a lot.

The house was fully decorated. Jen put up stockings with our names on them. She even made one for Ryan.

Jason and Josh worked on the outside decorations. They wanted the place to feel as festive as possible.

“You really outdid yourself,” I told Jen.

“I wanted to go all out,” she replied.

And that she did.

* * *

“Can you give the baby a bath?”

I wasn't doing anything. I had taken a long nap, and woke up to Jen asking me to do something.

I couldn't say no, so I agreed to do it.

I scooped him up off the floor and walked to his room. I searched through the dressers until I found an outfit I liked. All of the things I needed to use to wash him were already in the bathroom: baby shampoo, baby conditioner, baby lotion, baby everything.

I made sure to grab a clean diaper and a towel and headed to the tub.

I closed the door and locked it because Ryan likes to run around naked once his clothes are off.

And when I stripped him of his outfit, he ran around the bathroom like that. I giggled. It was such a precious sight.

I made him a warm bubble bath. It was something I needed. I wanted to forget about my problems for now.

He splashed around and played with his little toys. I've been craving to be younger, and relive the days where I didn't have a care in the world.

I gently scrubbed his hair and body clean, taking the time to do so. I talked to him in the process.

“Hey, bubble boy, it's your big sister, Maddie.” I used my baby voice around him, and often introduced myself, though I'm sure he recognized me.

“I wish I was your age,” I admitted. I began to whisper in fear of someone listening to me. I knew I was probably over exaggerating, but I wanted to be cautious. I wish I could tell him everything. He wouldn't understand any of it, and I could finally get it off my chest.

But instead of talking any further, I decided to sing. I sang typical lullabies. I sang the “Hanging Tree.” I sang Christmas songs. Ryan seemed to enjoy himself.

When I figured he was in the bathtub long enough, I picked him up and wrapped a pink towel around his little body. I must've grabbed one of my towels by accident. I wasn't worried about that, I had just done laundry. He rested his head on my shoulder. I think he was ready for a nap, too.

I quietly lathered baby lotion all over, and got him dressed. I headed to my room instead of his, and placed him on my bed.

I bundled him up, and covered him well. I laid next to him, and like he did, slept like a baby.

* * *

Austin and I went out to dinner the other night, as friends, and the food made me sick.

I woke up from my slumber because I needed to throw up. And once I did, I crawled back into bed. I didn't have homework during this time, which is surprising, so I had the next few weeks to do absolutely nothing.

Jason went to hang out with his friends, and I couldn't think of what to do.

I debated calling Austin again. We've hung out more and more lately. First it was the Santa Monica pier, then the movies, then we got dinner at this Chinese restaurant. They just opened it and Austin wanted to try it. He seemed fine afterwards, I grew ill.

He had finished his tour already, and I couldn't see him more often because he was working on new music. I usually waited until he came back.

As I was beginning to dose off, Jen knocked on the door.

“Oh, you're sleeping? I'll come back.”

“No, no, it's okay.”

She sat at the foot of my bed. “Tired?”

I didn't have much energy, so I nodded.

“I can take him so you can sleep,” she said. I wasn't ready for Ryan to leave. Plus, I didn't want to wake him up.

“Can he stay with me?” My voice sounded small.

“Of course.” She kissed both of our foreheads and closed the door.

Crystal was back in town for the holiday break. I wanted to see her again. She was always good at giving me advice.

Hey, Chris, I started to type. Are you doing anything tomorrow?

Not really, she wrote. What's up?

Nothing. Just wanted to see you.

Okay, she continued to type. How about we have dinner tomorrow?

Sounds like a plan.

This is good. I'll hang out with her and get my mind off things. It's almost been two months since the incident, and I've told no one. My way of coping is to not think about it.

It hasn't been working.