Living with Jennifer Lawrence

[87:] Dear Baby

Maddie

By the middle of February, I was four months along and beginning to show.

I wanted to finish my senior year of high school, and that's what I intended to do.

Before Crystal and Julian left for school again, I was straight with them and told them about the pregnancy. After announcing the news to several people, it kind of got easier the more I did it.

I didn't have any classes with my brother, but he ate lunch with me most days so I wouldn't feel so alone.

Since my best friends were in college, and Austin was in Japan, I didn't have many people to talk to.

I had my brother and my good friend, Leah, and that's about it.

Leah was very understanding. She admitted that she, too, had gotten assaulted at a young age. A family friend did that to her, but she didn't get pregnant.

We had English class together, and she told me that she wanted to be there for me.

Being pregnant in high school was hard. The students here are very judgmental. Everyone will talk, but no one will say anything directly to my face. Everyone is nosy. Some of my acquaintances asked if I would be getting married or if I knew who the father of the baby was.

I found it difficult to even concentrate on my schoolwork because I could feel my peers judging me left and right.

None of them try to put their selves in my shoes. Nobody tries to understand.

I told Leah about how I was feeling and she suggested I go to therapy or talk to the school counselor.

“I used to go to therapy all the time,” she said at lunch today. “It really helped me.”

I was actually starting to consider it.

* * *

After I sent Austin a snapchat, the idea came to me.

I took a break from my homework assignment, and did more research on pregnancy and caring for a child. I planned buying some books, too.

I wanted to write letters to my baby. I wanted him or her to know how I felt during this time of my life, and I thought it would be a cute thing to do.

I ripped a sheet of paper from my blue notebook and found a pen in my bag.

As I sat with my legs crossed, I started to think of what to write. Or at least, how I should start my letters. I didn't know how many I would write, but that didn't matter.

Dear Baby,

There's still a few months until we meet, and I have so much to share.