Living with Jennifer Lawrence

[58:] Appointment

Jen's P.O.V.

I could've woke her up, talked to her, told her how much I loved her and how I would never want her to hurt herself. I could've told her “everything is going to be all right,” and hugged her tight. All these things I could've done.

But I didn't.

Instead I let go of her hand, got a blanket to cover her, and placed a gentle kiss on her head.

I would talk to her about this another time. I had an appointment tomorrow and needed to get to bed.

***

She got up early, and I noticed how she carefully covered her wrists.

“Good morning,” she said. Then she let out a little yawn.

“Morning,”  I told her.  “You're up early.”

“Yeah . . .” She stared at the floor.

I walked into my bedroom, and Maddie followed. Josh was sound asleep.

“Everything okay?”  I wanted to see if she would be willing to tell me.

“Um . . .”  She was thinking, I could tell. “Yeah, I'm fine.”

I was digging in my closest to find something to wear. Today was the day I'd find out the gender of the baby.

Maddie is far more important than the shirt in my hands. I set it down and gave her a hug.

I startled her, but then I felt her arms around me. I whispered to her, “I know you're not.”

Her eyes widened a bit, but I knew she was trying to hide the surprise she felt on the inside.

I gently grabbed her hand, and turned it over; she immediately knew that I knew.

“I don't want you doing this anymore.” I looked into her eyes. “You are so beautiful, and you don't deserve this.”

She stayed silent and nodded, as if she understood.

***

Now it was time to wake up Josh.

I didn't feel like shaking him or saying his name loudly to get him up, so I got a hold of the nearest pillow and threw it at him.

“Today's the day,” I remind him.

I opened the curtains and he squinted his eyes and covered them while muttering about how bright it is outside.

“Today's the day,” I repeat myself. “You know, that special appointment, the one---”

He breathed. “Oh, that day.”

“Yeah.” I launched another pillow in his direction but he blocked it. “If you don't get ready, we'll be late.”

He slowly got up and trudged towards the bathroom.

As he closed the door, I said, “Don't take too long in there, I have to get ready too!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” was his response. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

Josh and I take turns fixing the bed, and while it was his turn to fix it, I decide to do it this time; he's taking forever getting ready. And I thought I was the one who took long.

***

I would have driven myself to the appointment, but Josh insisted. He, of course was going to be there when we found out the gender of the baby.